roma35
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I like the idea of renting a room or two in your house. I have a sales rep who rents out a room in her small condo for $350 a month. Sounds like you have a lovely home with an amazing view, someone would enjoy living there. Also, are you insuring any of your children? if so, it is much easier to qualify for medicaid when you apply for your child. If accepted, the parents have to be covered.
What a bummer and you certainly don’t need this issue now. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
BarbaraIm so sorry for your loss. Im glad you find some comfort in knowing your mom is still with you and watching over you.
PeaceDearest Ashlea,
I am filled with sorrow for your loss I knew from your posts that this day was coming and I know the days leading up to Friday couldnt have been easy. However, I too am relieved that your dad is no longer suffering with this disease. This worlds loss is absolutely heavens gain. Your father undoubtedly was an amazing, kind and giving man, to raise such a thoughtful, giving and loving daughter. HIs memory will live on through you and in the hearts of all those who knew and loved him. I pray for your strength in the days, weeks, months to come.
Peace and Prayer
xoxo
BarbaraOther than a bit of fatigue, that kicked in after a few weeks, my dad didnt have any side effects from the combo of Gemzar and Cisplatin. Hoping the same for your dad.
Jolene, What a beautiful tribute to your father. After reading your words, I feel like I know your father a bit. I feel like I know you as well, because I feel your pain, and your pride as well. I lost my dad to CC a few short months ago, and although the pain is still so deep, I am trying to focus on who he was and how authentically he lived his life, because that person will never leave me. This cancer can not rob us of our memories, or the love we feel in our hearts.
Lainy, everytime you post that poem, I shed a tear. I cant read it too many times.(:I think of all of you in your situation. I loved my dad dearly, and losing him was?is devestating for me, but as much as I feel my pain for myself, I feel such pain for my mom. My dad was the love of her life for 47 years, and while I am so proud of how strong she is being, I cant imagine the sorrow she feels. While we try to keep her busy and kids and grandkids are always around her(we all live within a block) we are all busy with our lives because as you all know, life goes on- work, schedules, kids etc…but for my mom, this is her golden years, she was supposed to be able to relax and enjoy life with my dad. I drove by her house last night around 10 oclock and the house was completely dark except for her bedroom light, maybe she was watching the news or reading…..alone. It broke my heart. I do think of all of you who have lost spouses, and Im so sorry for the loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Peace and Prayer
BarbaraHi Kris,
What a great fighting spirit you have!! I read your original post last night, and I have to admit, I got super, super bummed and turned my computer off(I do that sometimes when I read a post) but then i thought about you all night and your situation and I thought the same thing- the tumor is growing slow, it can just stop growing. The new chemo coctail will just shrink the buggers, it is worked for others, it can work for you! We all know nothing is written in stone with this cancer, so neither is your case.
Lots of positive thoughts going your way. You Go Girl!(with the red hair!)
PeaceO.K. I am in no way sayng I agree with the Drs that your sister should wait a few months and see what the “small things” are, I too would want another opinion pronto, however, it is my understanding that sometimes if whatever is being detected is too, too small, a cat scan, ultrasound or pet test wont pick it up. Sometimes the waiting the alotted period is to see if they see change in the shape. I know the cells on my dads lungs were just too microcosmic to determine initially, and that was an opinion of 3 different Oncologists. I am wondering if your sisters CA125 levels or billirubin levels are raised as well. Im with Kris, lest hope the “small things” are just imflamation or scar tissue.
Peace
BarbaraBooklover,
So sorry for your loss. Losing a mother must be so painful, but the fact that she fought with dignity and grace is an ispiration, b/c we all know on this site how brutally cruel this cancer can be, especially at the end. It is 3 months since my father passed away, and although some days it is just too difficult for me to post, I do come on the site everyday and it continues to give me comfort to know I am not alone. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace
BarbaraI think all the responses have been completely accurate and the truth is, one just doesnt know when a person is going to breath their last breath. My father had been bedridden and unable to walk for atleast 2 months before he died, he had no energy to sit up on his own or feed himself and he barely spoke his last few months. The last two weeks of his life he didnt eat a thing(just sponged water on his mouth), and slept constantly. He would awake and gasp in pain and we would give him morphine. This heartbreaking process went on for 2 weeks….The day of his death however, his breathing changed. It had become more labored and very loud(I guess it is called the death rattle, but I really dont like the phrase) That started about 1:00 in the afternoon, and lasted til 5:10. All his kids were there, we tried to keep the grandkids out, but they insisted(almost throwing fits) that they wanted to be there, so they were there as well, hugging, kissing, him, telling him how much they love him. They say that people intentionally either wait for people to be there when they die, or they dont, and I think there is symbolism in both. My dad was our glue that kept our family together, maybe he wanted us to see that he will still be with us, even though he is gone from site. Whatever the reason, for our family, his passing over was an incredibly beautiful memory, and I think a final gift that he gave us. However, if he had died alone, I would have felt that is what he wanted as well, to spare us the gut wrenching finality of the loss.
I guess what i am saying none of us caregivers should beat ourselves up if we are not present when our loved one passes. They know how much we love them and how much we are going to miss them. Do tell your loved one everything you want to say now, they are present, and they hear and understand everything. I kept telling my dad it was ok to go and we would meet again in paradise, and I truly do believe that.
Peace and Prayer
xoxo
BarbaraMary,
My “uneducated” opinion with your situation would be similar to what I wish we would have done for my father. He was dx in July of 07 and had a resection August of 07, and did well until June 08, when they found mets on both his lungs. He felt great, so we left them alone. By October the mets had grown and multiplied, and although my dad still felt pretty good, the Dr suggested Xoleda(a oral form of chem). In my dads case after starting the Xoleda, he went down rapidly. He developed very strong pain in his abs that at that point never left, fatigue, nausea, extreme weakness. This cancer has a mind of its own and never any rhyme or reason, but in my dads case, I wish we would have left the treating of the mets alone, because the Xoleda didn’t work, and it caused more problems. I know Xoleda has had success, so I don’t want to sound negative, but I thought you would want to know our experience.
I thinking good thoughts your way
BarbaraAshlea,
Reading your post was gut wrenching and heartbreaking b/c it brings back my experience with my father just a few short months ago. You are right to pray for your dad to be put to peace. This cancer is heartless and relentless at the end. The only shining star I have now is that my dad is no longer suffering. It is a horror show at the end, but Ashlea, two months later after losing my dad, I dont’ think of the end so often anymore, or even the disease, I think of my dad, my friend, my confindant, my absolute hero, and yes, I miss him more than words, but I dont’ see the illness and him anymore.
From reading your posts from the last few months, it is clear you are an amazing, strong young women, and wise beyond your years. You will get through this because you are your fathers daughter. I am praying for no more suffering for your father now, and strength for you in the days, weeks, months to come.
Peace
BarbaraHello Everyone,
I read all your words and felt a familiar kinship with all of you. This too. was my first Fathers Day with out my dad. I went to church with my brothers and neices and nephew, and we were asked to bring the gifts up to the priest which was quite an honor on fathers day. We all then went to cemetary and brought flowers, afterward we ate a big pasta lunch at my moms b/c that is what we did in all the years past. We honored my dad and my brother as well. Then I worked on my dads garden and took a run on my dads and my familiar walking route. As I ran, I smelld bbq’s all over the town, and saw families gathering at home to celebrate, and I had a thought- “lets go have dinner with dad.” My family thought I was nuts, but they all came anyway. We brought some red wine, bread, procuitto, parm cheese, fruit and headed to the cemetary. There we sat next to my dad on blankets and toasted my dad, and told lots of storie about him. The cutest was when it was my 4 yr old nephews turn to speak and he said “grandpa as a great man, and I miss him”, not a dry eye in the house. Just yesterday one of my neices said can we go again and hang with grandpa, and when I said “next fathers day?” she said “no this week”. Somewhere I know my dad is watching, and he knows his impact on this family and how much he is missed, but we are trying, and it is the best we can do now.
God bless all of you who are on this familiar path, I know the pain, and the sorrow. YOu are all, always in my thoughts and prayers.
BarbaraDanielle,
I agree with Joyce that there are no words that can comfort you, but hopefully you can eventually gain some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I can tell you in my case, after almost 2 months of losing my father to this dreadful disease I cry everyday, I think of him all the time, and I just plain old miss him physically in my life, however, I am at peace and actually relieved that he is in a better place and no longer suffering. I prayed for God to take him, and I have no regrets in that. For me, knowing the suffering is over and he died with all his loved ones surrounding him, and showing him how much we love him and always will, gives me peace. Hopefully you will feel he same one day. This grief is a process without any shortcuts, but we are all here for you to lend an ear and definitely our hearts. I am truly so sorry for your loss.
Peace and lots of Prayer for you and your family,
BarbaraBummer Jamie, my heart just sunk. Heres the thing- everyone reacts differently with this cancer and with the treatments. Many on this site have had success with xoleda. Also, some have had lung mets for years. and they just grew very slowly. Nothing is for sure with this cancer, and I am hoping and prayiing you beat the odds like many have on this site.
Peace and Prayer
Barbara
