[Sensitive] End is getting closer?
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Our 13 year old Jack Russell terrier is behaving very differently to normal. She was always an outside dog and never slept in the house. Even after our other dog passed last March, she continued to live outside. However, since my husband was diagnosed at the end of December 2013, she refuses to be outside. She whines and barks at the door until we let her in. She follows me everywhere and sleeps at my feet, wherever I am, during the day and at our bedroom door at night. It is as if she senses I need her company. She is very deaf and has cateracts. She is also full of lumps which dont seem to worry her. The Vet says to leave her be as she eats well and does not appear to be in pain. It will be a sad day when she has to leave for doggy heaven. So yes, I think our pets are very aware of what is going on.
Michelle–my husband also has what I call “rally days.” I try to enjoy that time with him. We can play cards or Dominoes and it feels like the old days. Then, the next day he sleeps 18-20 hours. Won’t eat or drink much of anything. So, as everyone says, this is a roller coaster ride that none of us bought tickets for but are on the ride just the same. I am thinking about you and praying for strength for you and your family. Our children are grown and not living at home so I really feel sorry that your kids have to go through this. My husband was diagnosed in November of 2013. He is 63 years old and we will be married 43 years next month. Take care and God bless.
Michelle….It is said that the feelings of “hope” are the last to go not only for the patient, but for the loved ones as well.
Please know that we are with you….all the way.
Hugs and love,
MarionMichele,
Don’t have much to add but want you to know that I too am there with you in spirit. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family .
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDearest Michele, I do think this is the spurt but we don’t know for sure as only he can pick his time. It would be good if the kids could understand this is not how their Dad wants to act, that it is his illness that makes him act that way. Sometimes these spurts can happen more often and that is why I wrote we just don’t know. He might be waiting for something or someone. If you don’t mind I would like to ask if you have released him yet for his Journey? It really helps him and you to give and take that release. Since I cannot be there please feel my spirit in the room sending you the best I can. I understand all too well what you and the children are going through.
The fast few days have been a roller coaster. We have went from him to barley communicating, not eating, extreme confusion to now up talking and eating like crazy.
Now my main worry if this is what they call the spurt of energy( the calm before the storm) some get before the end comes. The hiospice nurse is fearing thats what is happening. Today is his birthday he is 47. The kids stayed home from school to celebrate it with him. They asked if he wanted a cake and he’s all for it. He was up this morning and ate 2 bowls of cereal which just frightens me. For the past 2 months i was lucky to get him to eat half a bowl.
He layed back down around 10am and its 1:15 now so I am beginning to wonder if the energy is wearing off.
The kids have only made it to school one day this week which was Wednesday but only made it half a day. After what they watched him be so confused Monday they have been real upset. At one time Monday he acted like he didn’t know who they were so he ran back in the room for a few seconds then came back out and said hi to them. That was the hardest thing to watch was the look on the kids faces.
The hospice nurse told me just to keep and eye on him and to be prepared for the worst to happen. She told me she can’t be for certain that this is what’s going on.
Seeing him with so much energy and being able to have conversations with hi. Is hard. It almost gives you false hopes like he’s going to get better. I know thats what it has done to my son.
I just want you all to know I appreciate each and everyone one of you. With out all of you I dont know what I’d do. This group is wonderful. Prayers and hugs of out to all of you.Michele
To All Of You Courageous Ladies: You all know I AM a Believer and what nailed it was Teddy’s last day. He had started his passage and lay in the Hospice Facility bed and for about 2 hours did not move or blink his eyes. All of a sudden his arms reached up as if greeting someone, he gave a come here wave with his hands and wrapped his arms around whom ever he saw, gave a big smooch on the cheek and this went on for about 3 hours. The only name he mentioned was when he said, “Oh, Mama”. I know he was greeted by his Dad and that a big table of food was present with so many family and friends. That is why I always joke that he has a Sicilian restaurant in the sky. BTW when I went to my Psychic a year ago she verified the table of family and that he was met by his Dad as she told me something about his Dad she could have NEVER known. I know you are all scared, that is normal but my daughter and I felt so privileged to watch the amazing things that happened. My goal was to hold him as he passed and I did. And then the most awesome thing happened. He had this beautiful glow about him and every wrinkle and the bags under his eyes disappeared and if an old Sicilian can look beautiful he sure did and that is what I remember most now, not all the bad stuff he went through. Be strong and know that your loved one who is at the end of this awful Journey is going to be so happy and so at Peace.
One more true story. My Dad passed at 93. He never believed in things he didn’t understand. Like heaven, magic etc, etc. The day before he passed I went over to the home as my Mom was upset that she couldn’t wake him up. I couldn’t either so I called the Ambulance. The only way they could wake him was to do the breast rub (Kris V you know about those) well he jumped up in bed and my mom said, “Norman, I was so worried about you”. My Dad said “I just had the most beautiful dream.” I said what did you dream and he said, “I saw Heaven and it was so beautiful!” He passed the next day.
The point of these stories is to try and tell you, if you even believe a little it can help with the end of the Journey. Sending a ton of love.Being a believer hurts no one and brings such comfort. In 3 years I have logged 99 visits!
Michele & Linda,
I have been where you are now and it is the hardest thing I have ever faced.
I can only repeat that you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. I found that to be so true. I am living proof. I feel I have been through the worst that could happen and nothing else can ever be as hard or hurt as much. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Live for today and enjoy the time you have for now. Tomorrow will take care of it self.My thoughts and prayers are with all of you as you go through this trying time.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHello Michele. I’m so sorry things have reached this point for you. I am in almost the exact same position and it is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I love my husband so much and it breaks my heart to see him the way he is now. I know you must be feeing the same way about your husband. I think this will the greatest challenge we ever face but we will get through this somehow. Please take care of yourself. Linda
Dear Michele,
My heart goes out to you, your husband, and children. I do hope and believe that loved ones welcome us to heaven. I hope your husband finds peace and you find strength. It is such a difficult road to travel. Bless you all.
Love,
-PamDear Michele,
I so admire the loving care that you are giving your husband. When I read your description of his current state, it reminded me of the weeks and days before my husband, John, 58, made his passage. Just as you described, I was scared and it felt chaotic and I was exhausted from no sleep, and a zombie, and feeling terror. I’m not sure there’s any other way to feel at such a time as this, but realize that you are giving your all to your dear beloved husband. If it’s possible to hush your fear, try to do so in order to soak up the closeness that you can have at this time with your dear husband.
I would make one suggestion if you haven’t already done it — make a quick phone video of your husband saying a few special words to you and to your children, and of you saying some special words to him. My husband and I did this as he was nearing the end and I was so glad that we did — I watch it often and will always cherish it.
Michele, the others who have posted are so right — if you want visitors kept to a minimum, do so. This is your time to be with your husband, and you will cherish it when you look back and know that you were with him on his journey without the distractions of people wanting to “visit” or “keep you company.”
You may not feel that what you are doing is adequate or enough — it is! You are at his side and loving him. Right now enjoy looking into his eyes and being with him.
I have two young children also, 16 and 13. It sounds as though you are handling things very well, so speak only encouraging words to yourself.
I am wishing you much strength and love, and know that your long-distance family is thinking of you and keeping you and your dear family close to our hearts at this time.
And yes, our rabbit seemed to know more about what was going on than we did.
Much love to you,
MargaretDearest Michele –
So sorry that you are having to go through all this. It makes my heart break for you and like Lainy I wish I could be there to help you through it.
I understand about the family end of things. My husband’s family is not very helpful and have in fact called me overbearing and controlling…..they are right I am. But nothing is going to change that when I am trying to do what’s best for him.
As for his family imposing on you….screen calls, only answer if you feel like it. Also also your hospice nurse and social worker to help set boundaries….that is what they are there for. The social worker or nurse can help keep those boundaries firm by backing up what you say. And it helps to have them be the bad guy.
As for your children, maybe it is time for them to stay home. I am sure working with the school, they could continue to get their school work done but also get to spend some time with their dad. Children are thankfully pretty resilient but this is still hard. Talk to hospice some about Children’s bereavement. Bereavement services are part of hospice requirements and most have some sort of program specifically for kids and if not they can make a referral.Hugs,
KrisVHi Michele,
I just want to say that I am thinking about you and your children. It’s not my place to tell you how long your husband has with you but like Willow I would be concerned about hanging on to two months and missing opportunities to say and do what you want to now. We cared for my sister at home and I saw how rapidly she declined and new in my gut just how short her time left was.
You are doing what is right for all of you now – never doubt that. Is there any care in place to sit with your husband during the day or night so that you can get some rest. Even if it is for short bursts to give you some rest?
There is also medication that can be given to help if he is agitated with the confusion.Sending you much love and support.x
Dear Michele,
I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this, but totally understand. Only those of us who have been there really get it. As for everyone else, I agree with Lainy. You need to do what is best for you, your husband and family. I also agree that pets do sense things we may not.
Just know that we are all here for you to help and support you in any way that we can. Wish I could give you a big hug, but lots of cyber hugs are coming your way.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
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