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    I hope you had a wonderful day with your dad today Andrea… another milestone that he wasn’t expected to make it to is a great thing!! Next…. Christmas!!!


    Dear Andie

    I hope you are spending a good day with your Dad on his birthday. Good wishes to him and thinking of you all.



    Cherish that you have another birthday to spend together and it looks like Christmas will be good too. So happy for you and your family. Blessings, Susan


    Andie….I am extending my warmest birthday wishes to your Dad on Saturday. Birthdays are so very special however, this one in particularly is one to be cherished.
    I am chuckling about your Dad telling the nurse that he does not need any help therefore; it frees her to help others. What a guy he is…
    Best wishes,


    Hi Andie

    Really pleased to hear that your dad is having some good days and is feeling up to visitors and odd jobs and the like.
    As for the the tiredness, well as long as he rests when he needs to and can do things when he feels up to it then that’s great. Mum cooked supper for 6 of us tonight as she really wanted to do it but brought it up to our house so at least she didn’t have any cleaning up to do !
    I hope that you have a wonderful birthday with your dad on Saturday. I know it won’t be an easy day for any of you but if you can spend it all together and have fun, then that ‘s got to be a good thing, especially if you didn’t think you’d get that far. Here’s to a good Christmas too.
    Sending you hugs


    Thank you all for your advice.

    The weather at the moment is too bad and cold to take Dad anywhere but if it does warm up them we will definately be taking him out.

    He has perked up the last few days, enjoying his food and wanting to do odd jobs around the house. He spoke to his old boss today and he is coming to visit Dad friday, he did ask Dad if it was ok and Dad said yes. Think it will do him good to have a chat with an old work friend.

    Dad seems to be tired about 9.30am after hes’ been up a few hours, he will have half hour nap and then feels like his energy has been revived again. Visitors will have to come after dinner has this is when he’s at his best.

    It’s his 63rd birthday saturday, something we didn’t think he’d see back in April. He hasn’t seem to have got much worse since we were told he had 3-4 months in September. He has lost a little weight and is more yellow but apart from that he is doing really well. The Macmillan Nurses have phoned today but he has refused their help at the moment but has taken their number incase he changes his mind. Last week he was going to allow them to come in but he has changed his mind again, said he doesn’t feel ill so they could be helping someone else.

    Hopefully we will have a good Christmas together


    Andie, You might take names and phone numbers and when your Mom wants to visit-call and plan a short trip. The sick need to get out as well as the caregivers! Maybe a short trip on the way to the Dr. another day a trip to the pharmacy another visit to another friend! Sound like a plan?

    Or you can also call and tell people when she feels up to a visit-the pop in on the spur of the moment is for family only at a time like this! My opinion.


    I definitely limited Mom’s visitors. I figured if people hadn’t been there to see her in the past couple of years, then hey didn’t especially need to come in the last few days/weeks of her life. It was too hard on her, and too hard on me. She wasn’t up to visiting much, so that left me to have to visit with them, and I wanted my focus to be her. This time is so precious, and your family needs to do what is best for you all.
    Big hugs to you,


    Hi Andie,

    Great to hear that your dad is feeling a bit brighter today, it sounds like a much better day for him. Good day, bad day, good day again, lets hope for a run of good days! I can understand his problem with not wanting to see people who he hasn’t seen in years and I think I would be like that as well.

    And hopefully too your dad will change his mind about putting the tree up, maybe he will do as it gets nearer to Christmas.

    My best to you and your dad,



    Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words

    Mom said Dad seems a bit brighter in mood today, I haven’t been to see him as my son is off school ill but I have spoken to him and he seemed in good spirits. It is his birthday Saturday so visitors will be going to see him but he says that’s ok. I think he has more of a problem with people who he hasn’t seen for years coming to visit, he seems ok with close family and friends. We are going to have to learn to take it a day at a time, which is hard for us all as we have always like to plan!

    He doesn’t want the Christmas tree up at the moment, said it’s too much trouble to get up the loft for it and all the decorations. I think Mom would like it up and I have told her my husband will happily go up the loft and get it. Hopefully he will change his mind. We don’t want to push anything onto him at the moment as his emotions do seem to be up and down, which is to be expected.

    Jen, How are your Dad and nephew? Thinking of you too x

    Love to all



    Hi Andrea,
    I hope you have sorted things out with the visiting situation, and that your Dad is feeling a bit better and less depressed today. Thinking of you always…



    Hi Andie,

    I think that taking things one day at a time is a good idea. That way, if your dad is having a good day and is up for visitors, then fair enough, let them come if your dad wants them to. But if your dad is having a bad day, then maybe just keep things to you and your mum seeing your dad. With my dad, things were a bit different I guess in that we have a very small family, so everyone knew about dads illness from the start and was there with him from the start to the end. As to my dads friends, well the friends that he saw he saw pretty regularly for years and they all went back to the 60’s when they were in their band. They all used to meet up with each other a lot, going to the pub etc, and when dad got sick, they all used to come see dad at home. And they were the sort of friends that came to see dad in the hospital regularly when he was there, they came to see dad at home, and they also came to see dad when he was in the hospice.

    My dad liked getting his visits from his friends, but as I said, they were very close friends that went back decades and they had nothing to hide from each other. Have you spoken with your dad as to how he feels about getting visits? If he is getting tired out with visits, then maybe they could be restricted to a set amount of time like Lainy does.

    Sunshinecaregiver makes an excellent point here “Those who have a problem don’t know what sickness is and they can deal with it.” Your dads true friends will understand whatever your dad wants to do.

    My best wishes to you and your dad,



    Andie, I asked Mom what she wanted and it was peace and rest. When she had company over she would get agitated because she was always the “hostess with the mostess”. You were offered food, drink, conversation, trips, and were entertained. She doesn’t have the energy now and states that most didn’t come before she got sick why should they come now.

    A couple of close friends and all of her family are welcome and we have just let the community know she is not receiving company at this time. Phone calls she takes when she feels like it and I relay messages other times. Those who have a problem don’t know what sickness is and they can deal with it. We do the best we can for her comfort and health.


    Hi Andrea – how wise for you to ask for advice.

    Speaking for myself alone, when I am in the hospital I am really sick and don’t want to see anybody. I just want to be alone in my misery and feel like I’m obligated to perk up when visitors come. I also don’t like being the center of attention.

    This might change if I am in the hospital or hospice in the future. I will probably want to see friends and family more. I guess the best thing to do is to listen and respect the patient’s wishes.


    Thank you both,

    Michelle, I think it may be best for visitors to be kept to family and close friends who have shared our journey since april. Old friends, well perhaps a phone call may be better for dad, as you say it is morbid to think they are visiting only because time may be limited. Hopefully he will have many months yet, as tiredness is all he is feeling at the moment, no pain luckily.

    Lainy, I think Mom may have to put time limits on visits, our family can talk for England and I know my Aunt stayed over 2 hours the other day, along with her sister and 4 year old son, Dad was exhausted after the visit. I think we will take it day by day, hopefully tomorrow will be better. I hope Teddy is settling into hospice, I bet all the nurses are loving him, he sounds such a special man. You take care too.

    Best wishes


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