andie

Thanks all,

Well today was another bad day. Dad has stopped taking the tablets but he is still not functioning well. He was very angry today, which is not my Dad at all. He said he is fed up of it all, if it’s not one thing it’s another and he really wishes he was dead. I was shocked as I’ve never heard him talk like this and with such anger. I can understand how frustrating it must be and my Dad has always been a very proud and private man. He is upset that Mom is going to have to start helping him wash.

His main problem is being breathless, I asked to call the doctor but he shouted at me and said it would be a doctor on call and he only wanted to see his own, so to leave it until Monday.

Mom is beside herself and I feel like a little girl lost as I really don’t know what to say or do as I know I can’t make it better.

We did sit and watch Star Wars together and he ate a bowl of tomato soup and a round of bread.

I know this sounds dreadful and I hate myself for thinking it but I really wish I could give him something to end all this as this isn’t my Dad anymore and I don’t want to remember him like this.

Im still shocked at how quick it has all happened, he was laughing and joking Wednesday, and although still ill he wasn’t half as bad as this. I know we would have to get this point someday but I didn’t think we would get here so soon. I hope it is partly the tablets and perhaps when they are out of his system he may perk up a bit.

Best wishes to all

Thanks all,

We will be talking to the DN and doctor on Monday. The DN only comes Mondays and Thursdays now Dads drain is ok. It does say the side effects should wear off after a few days, when the body is used to them. Dad started taking them Tuesday, he was ok Wednesday it all started last night. When I went to see him this morning he was ok but within 30mins of taking his tablet he was out of it.

The doctor wouldn’t prescribe anything for Dads breathlessness a few weeks back as he said his lungs were clear and he still shows no signs of ascites. I think because he more or less sits in the chair all day apart from getting up to go to the toilet he has lost all muscle strength and the breathlessness is due to his weakness. I have read that an electric fan can help with this so I am going to take one up tomorrow, I’ve also printed off some breathing techniques off the cancer website.

Mom and Dad have kept putting the Macmillan Nurses off but Mom is coming round to the idea now so hopefully she will ask them to come in soon. I feel so sorry for her, whilst she wants a break she doesn’t want to leave him either. Dad is worried she won’t cope but I have promised him I will go back and live there when the end draws near so she won’t have to cope on her own. He seemed more settled once I told him that.

Thanks for listening

Hi Jen,

I hope the bed has worked for your Dad, I can only imagine how uncomfortable a broken shoulder must be for him. I hope you manage to get to see your Dads bench, but if the weather is still bad it’s not worth the risk, there will be other days to visit it all together. I remember you mentioning your Dads birthday, can’t believe it’s only 2 weeks away, what a celebration that is going to be!! Another day of precious memories.

Dad is still on a downer but not as bad as yesterday. My Aunt and Uncle visited him today and Mom said he really perked up while they were there but once they had gone he went quiet again. When I was with him this morning he said he thought the tablets were working for his heartburn and itching BUT he now has itchy eyes, seems to be a new thing everyday. I suggested drops but he just said “I don’t want anything else to take!” His speech is slurred everynow and again and he seems to be getting more forgetful. On the positive side still no pain and his drain is not causing him any problems.

I took Mom out for a few hours whilst Dad had his morning nap, she had a good cry and said while she doesn’t want to lose him she thinks it would be better if he could just go quietly in his sleep now, as this isn’t living anymore. As hard as it was to hear I can see what she means. My Dad was always so active and now even though his mind is ok his body won’t let him do what he wants, he gets so frustrated and upset about this. It’s hearbreaking to see.

Take care and best wishes to you and your family x

Hi Lainy,

No Dad is not on morphine, the only thing he takes is an antibiotic which he has done since June time. x

Hi Gavin,

Yes the Doctor has given him some Proton pump inhibitor tablets,lansoprazole. They are supposed to control the acid and hopefully stop it producing the excess mucous which results in post nasal drip. He has also prescribed him tablets for his itching, again can’t remember the name but they are tiny orange tablets and he has to take 3 a day.

Sometimes he is getting confused and Mom said he is talking alot in his sleep almost like nightmares but not enough to wake him up. His eyes seem really sunken today and he admitted to me he has had enough now, he is so frustrated with everything. Saying that we do have these odd dark days and the next he bounces back, so hopefully timorrow will be better. The DN told me Friday he is a real fighter and doing very well, she works in the same building as me and told me if I need to ask anything they are always there, so that’s good to know.

Best wishes to everyone