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Dear MM,

Moms have a way of doing what they believe is best for their children. I lost my Mom in 2009 to CC so I know what you are going through. You and your siblings are the amazing legacy that she leaves behind. I know she is proud of all of you.

The next days will be tough, but you will find a deep strength inside of you that will get you through all the countless decisions that have to be made. Be gentle with yourself in the coming weeks. Grieving is the hardest job we ever do and no two people will grieve in the same way or timeframe. Be kind to yourself and take your time to find your own way.

We are all here for you as you tackle the next steps of this journey.

I’m sending hugs and prayers for healing and understanding…

Hugs,
Pam

Teresa,

I’m sending hugs, love and prayers as you and Dennis enter this phase of the CC journey….

My heart is breaking for you…

Hugs,
Pam

Grieving is the hardest job I’ve ever had…..

I diagnosed my Mom in May 2008 and she died April 2009. After her death I was on autopilot for several months, busy with all the things a death brings. I gave her eulogy, wrote all of the thank you notes, cleaned out her closet, and when everything was pretty much done and grief really hit…I discovered the world had moved on and I most certainly HAD NOT! I really thought all of the anticipatory grief would have prepared me for the reality of losing Mom. I’m here to say….IT DOESN”T!!!

I missed calling her on my way home from work everyday. I missed telling her about my children’s accomplishments. I would have given anything to just hear her voice! I was appalled when my best friend told me to get over it and move on….grief would not bring her back or change things. (As a side note here, it was only my Southern upbringing and my fear of prison that kept me from killing her….) Most people did not want to talk about even the good times much less my loss!

I discovered I was mad at pretty much everyone….even God. My support came from some of the most unlikely sources…. This board was a godsend. I was able to rant, rave, ask questions and draw on the experiences of those who had traveled the road I was now embarked upon. I chose to be very kind to myself and gradually let go of those I felt were not supportive of me or my grief. Grieving is intense and personal. No two people will grieve in the same way or in the same timeline. I surrounded myself with people that truly cared and most of those had experienced the loss of a loved one. My husband was amazing. He had lost both of his parents and was so loving and supportive of me in my most crazy, insane moments. He and God pretty much took the brunt of my grieving. I’m pleased to say both loved me enough to put up with me!

I’ve found embracing my grief and being open and taking the time to grieve has been the best road for me. I can still be reduced to tears catching a whiff of my Mom’s perfume in a store but each day the good memories are becoming the ones I remember most AND first.

Our family has always been involved with church and charities. I spend a great deal of time outside of work being a volunteer with the USO and the Marine bases near my house. My son in love is a Marine so it’s personal as well. I view my volunteer work as a living tribute to my amazing Mom.

I smile now as I come across my “Pennies from Heaven” and keep all of them in a jar on my desk.

You’ll find your pathway and if you are kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve, you’ll be OK. I’ve learned lessons and believe I’m kinder and more compassionate. I think I value the small things more. Remember…..if you had not loved so much you wouldn’t be grieving so hard…. Personally the love was well worth the grief…..

We’re all here for you….take care!

Hugs,
Pam

Hi Susan,

So sorry you had to join us but we are all here to help. I diagnosed my mom with Stage IV CC with numerous mets to the lungs, (I’m a Cytologist) so I know how hard this monster can be. She was 76, still working full time by choice, walking 6 miles a day and involved in Church and a zillion other things. She was diagnosed in May of 2008 and died in April 2009.

CC is indeed a roller coaster ride. You do seem to be doing all the right things!

I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it but there is a search engine on the site. You can query anything that comes to mind and just type it in and it will pull up comments.

We also have Dr. Giles here as well.

Don’t ever hesitate to vent, rant or sound off! We have broad shoulders and we all understand what you’re dealing with!

I’m sending hugs and tons of prayers for you and your family!

Pam

My Mom was on a drug called MEGACE. It’s an appetite enhancer and worked wonders for her. It was once a day and caused her no problems.

We also used a protein supplement that I still use today. It’s a company called Unjury.com and the protein powders are amazing. You can check out their website. Duke’s chemo department recommended them to us.

Hang in there and remember to take care of the caregivers….

Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family!

Pam

Julia,

I’m so sad to read this news….Susan was so fortunate to have such a wonderful sister like you!

I’m so sorry…..

I will keep you and the family in my thoughts and prayers….

Hugs,
Pam

Jose,

Diazapam was the drug my mother couldn’t handle. Please ask if by chance there is something else.

Mom was seeing things, insisting my sister had been in a horrible car accident and was totally unable to sleep or be calm. I finally had to throw a fit, demand a pharmacist, the heart doctor, and the cancer specialists sit down and talk to our family and each other. I pointed out the problems started with the drug. I’m in the medical field so I had no problem throwing my fit. They changed her meds and it was amazing to see her return back to herself.

It’s worth a shot.

Pam