daddysgirl-2

Oh Charlene,
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find peace within your memories. Sending you and your family hugs and prayers.
Jolene

Jeff, Charlene and Mary Anne,

I have deleted the last three messages I have tried to type here. My heart is so full for you and your families…but I guess all I can say is I am praying for you. I’m sending you hugs, wishes and love.

May God bless you all and grant you His peace.
Jolene

Thinking of you, Jeff and family. Sending up prayers and sending you cyberhugs. Jolene

Hi Tonia,
So sorry to hear what you are going through…but as you have learned, you are among the very best advisors when you come to this site. I wish for you strength as you deal with the issues you are facing: this horrid cancer, your families’ personal feelings, and your grandmother’s wishes, not to mention coping with other medical issues.

Dad had comlex issues similar to your grandmother’s: diabetes, congenitive heart disease, gout in every joint in his body and then this dreaded cancer. As his careprovider/daughter, I just stood back and let him control the outcome. It was all he could control considering the inevitable outcome. He decided what he wanted to do. His mind continued to be sharp, up to the end. We talked everyday together, and then with my brothers and mom. (In case you were wondering…my mom has significant health issues, as well, and was not able to care for dad. Dad asked me to be his and mom’s health care agent. I made sure mom was included with everything as she was able to).

It seems as though you and your grandmother working together. I’m glad for you that you have each other. This is a most trying time…especially when other family issues get in the way…but when all is said and done, it is a time that in retrospect I am thankful I was able to share with my dad.
Take care!
Jolene
> by the way…what part of Minnesota are you from? I live in Hibbing.

HOORAH! Great to hear some good news. I’m happy for you both!
Jolene

Lainy…sending love, prayers and hugs to you and Teddy.

Jolene

Jan, I am sad to hear about your father and his falls. Can I ask if his doctor offered any opinion as to why he falls? I ask because about a year ago my Dad started falling once in a while. He was not able to help himself up, so would call my husband or I to help. We discussed this with his doctor, and were told to be careful. (???) This past December Dad could not stand at all. And he was never able to again. He felt that he should be able to, so I asked for tests to be done. He went to the hospital…big joke…I was told that my dad should begin physical therapy. I asked if they took any tests, they said they didn’t feel it was necessary. Then they sent dad to a nursing home. I can’t even begin to tell you that story because he was terribly mistreated. My hubby and I took pictures of the bruises, scratches all over his body. Suffice to say…Golden Living (or Golden Crap as my husband called it) was shut down last week. YAHOO. But I digress. Because of the neglect that dad received from “golden #*&% “, dad was transported via ambulance to ER near death. That was when I requested tests for the second time. Because of my ‘hissy’ fit, and my husband’s perserverance, they ran tests. That’s when they returned singing a different tune. Seems they were wrong that dad was simply refusing to want to walk. Seems like he is full of tumors pushing against his lower extremeties. “We’ll take more tests.” “Yup, we better do a biopsy.” “Ok, maybe you should see an oncologist.” “I’m sorry to say, your dad has cholangiocarcinoma.” “Your father won’t live past 6 months. He’s got 4 months tops.”
What???!!! You said he just didn’t want to walk…you said there was no reason to take tests, it’s all in his head. You people put my dad through holy hell, refused to listen when I told you this was not normal, accused him of fraud if he returned saying he couldn’t walk…etc. YES, THIS ALL ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO MY FAMILY. (but my daddy has been a busy boy in heaven: golden crap was shut down, and the hospital social worker who would not listen to us when dad was first brought to the hospital by me, has been fired by the hospital. And while I wanted to write letters of disappointment, I was busy with dad, and didn’t have the time. So, I can’t claim responsibility for either demise. Karma or daddy.)

>Jan, I apologize for my ranting…I haven’t shared this on my entries at all. I guess it just needs to come out of me. So I won’t delete, as I have been prone to do before.< Further MRI’s showed that the cancer had spread so much, that it was eating out of the bone of his femur. This was the reason we ceased PT, because really, dad would never walk again. That was so difficult for him. He was such an athlete. So independent. To have lost his ability to be self reliant, was really hard for him to accept. Harder than the death sentence he received? “Sometimes” is what dad told me. As far as rails on beds…in our state of MN, “standard” rails are not permitted on beds in nursing homes or in intermediate care facilities (ICF). My husband and I have a small business primarily for persons with developmental disabilites (group homes, ICF’s before they became assisted living facilities, etc), and personal care services. You’d think that for safety reasons this wouldn’t be an issue. However, the feds were finding out that patients would get entangled in them, and after several deaths statewide, the feds took the initiative to not allow them. There are ways, however…soft rails, or smaller rails. When we moved Dad to the other nursing home (there were no openings before) I was insisting on rails, even though I knew there was nothing they could do. They did bring small rails, acceptable to the state, for him. But that was the best they could do regarding rails. They do have sensor pads, which monitors movement and sets off bells and whistles before the patient falls out of bed. But that is all relative. It depends on the quickness of the available staff, and like marions said- patient to staff ratio. I don’t mean to be negative…just being realistic. Even though this nursing home was hands down a superior facility, I still stayed with dad into the wee hours of the morning, and returned around supper time for my “shift”. When dad’s medicare 100 day rule was up…I brought dad home with me. We never had a chance for hospice. It was on our end-plan. But an infection shook all our plans. His body couldn’t fight it. I apologize, again, for this rant. I really just wondered if they offered any reason for your dad’s fall. Is it because of CC? Dad’s doctors held on to the premise that the two were not related. Common sense tells me differently. Peace be with you and your family, and thank you for listening.
Jolene