darla
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Dear Pam,
Reading your post brings tears to my eyes. I feel both sadness & understanding. Thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us. I lost my husband to this horrible disease almost 9 months ago and everything you, Tess & Karen are feeling I am still going through also. As Joyce said it describes so closely what we all seem to be experiencing. I think it is never ending and will always be with us, we just learn to live within our grief & try to find some sort of peace and go on. I too am sorry for this burden of grief that we all share, but am glad that we can share with each other as it is comforting to know that none of us are alone on this journey of grieving. I long for the day when we can all beginning to find some of that inner joy in our lives.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaKris,
Glad to hear you are doing a bit better, but not so happy to hear of the upset. Tired is OK compared with all the rest. Have a great time with your friend the next two weeks. Take care.
Thinking of you,
DarlaRon,
I will be hoping & praying that you will have good news for us tomorrow after the scan. I will definitely keep you all in my thoughts & prayers.
Darla
Hi Everyone,
I am sorry that we all appear to be feeling quite down as it is so sad, but as Pauline said, atleast it validates the fact that what we are going through is right for us in our situation, a “normal” part of this grieving process, if there is such a thing as normal anymore. There are days I do wonder if it is just me & am I crazy or is something wrong with me that I keep feelilng like this. Knowing that we are all having the same thoughts & feelings is comforting and helps me to go on. It also tells me how much we loved our husbands & how much they are all missed. They were & still are a very big part of our lives.
It sounds like you are all trying hard to keep busy. I find that does help, but some days I just can’t motivate myself & then I can feel the sadness mounting inside. Pauline, you are right, being able to wear sunglasses does help, as the tears seem to come on so easily and sometimes unexpectedly for no apparent reason.
I thought the longer, warmer days would help, but like you I still find myself going to bed early, sometimes before it is dark out & then of course I am up way too early in the mornings & can not get back to sleep. I also find myself reading about death, cancer, loss of a spouse, life after death etc. Even some of the fiction I am attempting seems to be on those lines. I also find myself watching TV & the subject is there. I particularly like MONK which is about a man with phobias who lost his wife tragically & can not get over it. (It does also have a humorous side, which helps.) I do find it hard to focus & concentrate for the most part so it usually takes me longer to get through a book.
It has been in the 80’s here the past few days. I think we may get one more good day & then cooler & rainy, again!
Joyce, I am glad you are looking forward to the long week end. You do have a great attitude. I just feel like one day is just like another & a long weekend is just an extra day to try to fill. I used to look forward to having a few extra days & planning to do things together, but alone, it is just another long lonely day. I think about what we would be doing if Jim were still here. I think I need to adjust my attitude and get out & do something!
I am thinking of all of you and I hope we can all start to feel a bit better soon. Carry on ladies & keep on trying to keep busy. Hopefully we can all get through the long holiday weekend without too much difficulty. Take care.
Love & Hugs To All,
DarlaKirstin,
That is such great news and I am so happy that you are doing so well. I agree with Lainy, don’t ever feel guilty for posting good news. There are a lot of sad stories on here & we all need to hear of the successful ones too. Your good news gives hope and encouragement to all of those who are dealing with this horrible disease and I am sure it is greatly appreciated. I will be hoping to hear more good news from you in the future. It sounds like you are doing a lot of postive things & I guess it doesn’t matter what is working as long as it works for you.
Take Care Kirstin.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Everyone,
I too will join in. First it was good to hear from you Sue. I hope Sam does well, as I am sure she will, and you can celebrate her graduation knowing that even though he is no longer physically here, Ray will be with you in spirit and is very proud of her accomplishments.
I have to agree that the better weather is really bringing me no comfort either. I had hoped it would help lift my spirits some, but it just seems to make be feel more sad & lonely and brings back all the memories of last year before all of this started. I try to keep busy, but there really seems to be no point to any of it.
Pauline, I feel like you that when we are honest about our feeling it seems to put most people off but to pretend everything is OK (which I too do most of the time) is just so exhausting and frustrating, because it is not OK and most just do not understand. I am sure, Pauline, that most people think you are on “holiday” in Italy & are relaxing and enjoying yourself, getting your life back into perspective and “normal” once again. They just don’t get it, do they? Our lives will never be the same & nothing will hold the happiness and joy it did in the past. There will always be that sadness & loneliness to deal with.
I am also dealing with a lot of other issues, both big & small, which come up day to day that just seem to be dragging me down. It was so much easier to cope when Jim was here to lean on. We could always count on each other to be there when needed. As long as we had each other there was nothing that couldn’t be dealt with, but alone it is all so daunting & overwhelming.
So, now I too have had my moan. I will now carry on with trying to keep myself & my mind active & busy to get me through another day. I am going to try to think more positively today also. Thanks to all of you for being here to listen. It really is good to know we have somewhere to go where we can say what we want & everyone truely understand. If anyone else wants or needs to vent and get things out, please feel free to join us. It does help to know that you are not going through all of this alone.
Pauline, I am going to get going on my list for the day, too.
Everyone take care & I do hope we can all have as good a week as possible.
I am thinking of all of you & hoping for better days ahead for all of us.Love & Hugs,
DarlaAs always, Jeff was thinking of all of us even as he traveled on to the end of his journey here on earth. I too have been brought to tears. I can only agree with everyone else and add that he will always be here with us in spirit and with all of our loved ones who have passed on and will pass in the future to eternity. Thank you Jeff.
I also want to thank Stacie for sharing his message with all of us & Rachael for sending it to you.
My thoughts & prayers are with his family and everyone else here who have been affected by this awful disease.
Love & Hugs To You All,
Darla
Lisa,
Thanks for posting this to let us know. I am so sorry & so sad. I hate this awful cancer. I will keep Rose & her family in my thoughts & prayers.
Darla
Oh Dear Pauline,
I read your post with such sadness & empathy. I keep saying Jim was only sick for 2 months, but previous to that he too had leg pain. I now believe, from what you have said, that it was related to this horrible disease. At the time they did all sorts of tests & never did figure it out.
I also remember the last time we went out to eat with our son & his girlfriend. He also did not eat much & had a hard time walking. By then I was doing the driving.
We also did not realize when he first started having pains that in less than 2 months he would be gone. I can definately relate to all you are saying & feeling. I too hope that the second year will be different. All we can do is try to be strong and get by as best we can as our husbands would want us to. Life is all so very sad & lonely now.
Know that I am thinking of you & crying along with you.
Love & Hugs To All,
Darla
Dear Sarah,
I too know how much all of these first hurt. I am not sure if it will get better or not, but I have been told that first year is the worst. I am thinking that we will always be sad when those days come around, but hopefully the pain will not be as bad. I was also told that the more love there is the longer it takes to grieve. That does seem to make some sense. So It is a testament to our love for the person that we have lost that we hurt so much & for so long. Hopefully the love and memories in our hearts will give us the strength we need to go on.
I am thinking of you & all the others of us that are walking this painful road of grief. May we all find some comfort & peace.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Natasha,
Thanks for sharing your wonderful, news. It is truely a blessing. We don’t always understand why things happen as they do, but I truely believe that every thing happens for a reason. This new life will bring much renewed happiness and joy into your lives. I hope you will keep posting and let us know how things are progressing and how you are doing. Take care.
Love,
DarlaHi Everybody,
It is so sad about Jeff. He was such a comfort & inspiration to everyone here. He will be greatly missed by all of us.
Pauline, I do know what you are saying. I too just feel like I do what needs to be done & then do it again the next day, over & over. Just trying to keep busy, but it never lasts and then you start to think & feel all the pain, sorrow, sadness & loneliness once again. Jim’s illness started in the middle of July & he passed away on September 2nd. It was 90 degrees that day. Summers will always be filled with sadness for both of us.
The past 2 days here have been nice , but tomorrow it is back to the cold & dreary rain. I don’t know which is worse. Certainly the winter with all the snow we got this past year was the hardest for me. Especially when the days were so short & the nights so long.
I think tomorrow is the full moon & I too think of how it shines on all of us and also that it is a sign that our loved ones are watching over us from above.
I hope that everyone has things to do to keep busy over the weekend.
Everyone take care.Love,
DarlaHi Everyone,
Sue, I see your life is getting back to normal after your holiday. It is interesting & sad how many people are in similar situations to us. More than we realize. I got my filing done last month, so now I will again try to be more organized this year. I usually start out real good, but eventually get behind & end up doing it all at the last minute once again. I am glad that you are doing OK, but it will never be the same, will it? Atleast you are pursuing new interests & that is a good thing.
Pauline, I am doing a little better this week. Trying to keep a bit busier whenever possible. I know how you feel about all the anniversary’s and what they bring to mind. It seems that it is just one after the other as they mark the time passing us by. Like you said, we just have to be brave and strong & try to carry on. Atleast we know that we are not alone & can lean on each other.
Janet, I hope things have settled down some for you. It does seem more frustrating and harder to deal with things because of what we are going through. I am glad you are still able to get in the ocean and relax. I don’t envy you having the winter months looming in front of you. I know how hard it is as we have just finished going through them. It all affects us so much more deeply now doesn’t it?
Joyce, I hope things are going OK for you. It looks like our weather here is going to be nice for a few days anyway. I just wish we could get into summer with warm weather & sun shine. All we get is a day or 2 and then it is cold or rainy again.
I hope the rest of the week goes good for all of you and also the coming weekend. Everyone take care.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
