darla

Irene,

I am so sorry for what you have gone through, but as you said, you are still here and that is something. I am hoping that you are doing OK and that your scan will go well.

Your posting has given me some comfort & understanding. Our ordeal with this horrible disease only last 7 weeks (although, I am still dealing with it) and I often felt it was unfair that we did not know sooner what we were dealing with or that we should have had a chance to fight it or be better prepared for the inevitable, but maybe that is the “lucky” part for us. I didn’t see it as lucky then, but in retrospect, maybe not knowing wasn’t a bad thing. Jim lived his live to the fullest until the last weeks when this awful cancer took over. I know now that knowing is not always a good thing, but I am hoping that you too will be able to live your life as normally as possible and get the most out of whatever time you have. We can always hope for a breakthrough in helping or curing this monster. Miracles do happen. One never knows what the future will bring.

Take care Irene. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.

Peace Love & Hugs,
Darla

I’m glad to hear that she is resting more comfortably now & that you are also feeling a bit better. Dealing with all of this is just so hard on everyone. Just remember that you can come here whenever you want or need to for comfort, help & support. This site & the people on it are all such wonderful caring & giving people. We all know & understand what you & your family are going through as we have all been there ourselves. Take care. I will keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers.

Darla

It’s been almost 8 months since I lost my husband & I don’t have the answers either. I seem to be functional at some level, but it is always a struggle. All those feelings are still there, just below the surface. I wake up thinking it was all a terrible nightmare & he will be here beside me. Our lives have all changed drastically because of this monsterous cancer & I don’t think it will ever be the same. We can’t go back. Joyce C said it feels like we are living in an “altered reality” and I think she is so right. I don’t think a lot of the feelings will ever go away. We just learn how to live with them & go on. I was told that grieving is a testament to your love for that person. The more you loved someone and the longer the relationship the more you will need to grieve. I’m not sure there are any good answers. All I can tell you is that we just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other and dealing with things as they come at us, one day at a time. Atleast it seems that what we are all going through is “normal” (what ever that is at this point) as we are all feeling the same things. That is somewhat comforting, but it doesn’t make it any better.

Dear LuLuu,

I don’t think any of us have really figured that out yet, but we are trying. For now all I can tell you is to keep putting one foot in front of the other & take things as the come. One day at a time. Some times when things get really overwhelming I think we have to deal with things one moment at a time.

We do have one thing on our side. This site & all of the great people on it. Come here often when you need support or even just to vent your feelings. It does help. We all know what its like and we are all here for you when you need us.

Know that I am thinking of you & hoping that you are OK. Take care LuLuu.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

I too am so sorry for what you and your family are facing, but glad you have found this site. Everyone here is so loving, caring & supportive and are here to help. Even if it is only to listen if you need to vent your feelings. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts & prayers.

Darla

Dear Janet,

One day a week does sound doable. You are lucky to have a job that is in demand and that they are willing to work with you.

I think that well meaning people just don’t realize how their comments affect those of us who are living with this horrible grief. Unless they have been there they just can’t understand. Everyone is different and every situation is different. I feel that grieving is a personal process & everyone that goes through it has to work through it at there own pace. I too have people comparing me to others and get all these comments about it’s been 6 months so you must be adjusting or after a year it will get better. You have to go on, he would not have wanted you to be so sad or alone. How do they know? We were a couple for 45 years and you just can’t get over it in a few months or even a year.

For me personally, I feel that what we have been through, watching someone we love deteriorate so quickly & ultimate dying from this horrible type of cancer and the effect it has on the family is unique to us. There is nothing I can think of that could have possibly been worse. Under the circumstances, I feel that we are all coping quite well.

Atleast here on this site everyone knows how we feel & what we are going through as they are all experiencing it too. We are so lucky to have a place we can go where every understands. As Joyce said, all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other & deal with life one day at a time. I think we all feel empty inside and that right now we are all just exisiting, not really living our lives fully. For now, if that is the best we can do, that is OK.

Now I’m rambling. I guess we need to do that sometimes too.

Everyone take care and try to have a nice holiday weekend.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

LD,

I am so glad that you replied to Marjo. After reading your post I too began to wonder. My husband has been gone for 7 months & I also have gotten a lot from this site. This is truely a monster of a cancer to deal with. I don’t think anything else can compare to what those of us who have dealt with it have gone through. I like you know that I did the best I could with the circumstances we were given and that our husbands are in a better place & no longer in pain, but it is still hard to accept and go on. We all miss him so much and I am still so sad & lonely. It just rips your world apart to watch someone you love be taken away from you so swiftly by this horrible disease. I will now be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers along with everyone else on this site who has been touched by this awful type of cancer. I hope that things are going OK for you as I too know what it is like & how hard it is to go on.

Darla

Hi Everyone,

So many sad things going on in this world of ours & it just seems to magnify our own grief, doesn’t it?

Sue & Joyce I am thinking of you as you reach the 6 month mark and hoping you are doing OK. All of these days are so hard to cope with, but we just can’t seem to forget can we?

Sue, I am hoping that your holiday will help you through. I hope you can enjoy it and have a nice time. It does sound like a fun thing to do.

Patty, I also am glad to hear that your family seems to be in a safe area.

Janet, If you do decide to go back to work, take it slow & I hope it all works out for the best for you.

Joyce, I will be hoping for better weather for all of us!

Pauline, You are so right, It really does seem like we are living a totally different life than we were a year ago. I think we all want our old life back & our husbands here with us. Last Easter we didn’t even know about CC. Jim seemed healthy with no symptoms. Now this Easter he has already been gone over 7 months. I still keep thinking that I wish I could go back to the beginning of last summer & just stay there forever.

Most people think that I am doing OK & getting back to normal, what ever that is now, but as you said, inside I am still so sad & lonely and think about all of what happened all the time & still can not believe that this has really happened to us. I also feel like some people think I need to have a better attitude, not be so negative, but they just don’t understand, do they?

I am glad that you are getting some comfort from your dreams of Anthony.
I still don’t seem to dream much & still have a hard time remembering them when I wake up. I am hoping that will change. Maybe something in me is blocking that for now. Who knows.

I too have a hard time concentrating on reading, but tend to do better with books that relate to the situation that we are in. As you said, there do not seem to be any answers to all of this, so we all just have to keep on going & try to work our way through it all in our own way.

I will be thinking of all of you on this Easter weekend & hoping that we will all be able to get through it as best we can.

Everyone take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla