darla
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So this onc needs to go and you can’t even get through to the new one for an appointment. HMMM Seems like time to go to plan B or is it C?
In some cases if your frantically keep pushing O you will finally get a really person, but if it is that hard to do is it the one you want?
It’s a start Duke and yes, just keep taking it one day at a time. Hoping it all gets sorted out and works in your best interests.
Darla
Yes, that is so true. One other positive thing is that we now are more kind, compassionate and understanding of others in these situations as we now get it.
Mizzey,
I too want to welcome you to the site. I am glad you found us. You have definitely found the right place to be even tho’ it is not where anyone wants to have to go. The help & support here is amazing. I don’t have much to add to what you have already gotten from the others, but just wanted to give you another warm welcome. I will look forward to an update on your sister when
you know more.Hugs,
DarlaFrances,
All I can tell you is that it did take a long time and then happened gradually. I think in the beginning we are in shock and have so much to deal with that when things start to settle down we then really begin to realize what happened and a lot of thoughts and feelings begin to come back. For me the best thing was to just keep busy. Just doing what needed to be done and taking things day by day. Slowly I felt I was beginning to accept what happened and could actually function and get through the days without falling apart. That’s not to say I don’t have some set backs from time to time, but it truly does get easier with time. It has been over 6 years and I still miss him, but I also realize that I am still here and have managed to get by, one day at a time.
This past year has been a challenge as my Mom also passed away. She had Parkinsons and the end was not good. They were in assisted living when she really started to decline and my dad is still there and has dementia and is very depressed, missing her so much. I also lost a few very close, very supportive friends this year, but amazingly, I am dealing with things fairly well. I guess I really am stronger than I thought I was. If someone had told me after Jim died that I would be OK and be where I am today I would not have believed it, but I am proof that it can be done. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
I hope my rambling on here is of some help to you. I’m not going to tell you it will be easy, but you too will be OK. It just takes time and everyone grieves differently and in their own time. There is no right or wrong to it.
Take care Frances.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaIn my husbands case, by the time they finally figured out what was wrong the disease had progressed so far that chemo or surgery was not an an option as he was already too compromised. The thought was to try to build him up some and then consider trying something, but that never happened. CC is so aggressive and in his case it went quickly. There is also the chance of spreading the cancer with surgery, as he had a needle biopsy done at one point and I was told that even that had a risk of spreading the cancer.
That said, all of this was over 6 years ago and things have changed and progressed with both diagnosis and treatment of this disease in the past few years. I also agree with Kris that luck has a lot to do with it. Every situation seems to be different and this disease does not fight fair.
Crissie, this all makes me very angry, too.
Frances,
All the things you are experiencing are normal. The feelings will come and go and we just have to deal with things as they come and keep trying to go on with our day to day lives. It really does get easier, but some of these feelings will always be there, we just learn how to live with them. Yes, like you I have always taken comfort in the fact that Jim is no longer suffering. He too went quickly. Less than 2 months from start to finish. He died the morning I was making arrangements to take him home with hospice care. For him it was a blessing, for me not so much. I think I was in shock for a long time. We have discussed on here that in a lot of ways we are dealing with symptoms not unlike post traumatic stress syndrome.
You are also right about people going on with their lives. At first they are all there for you, but gradually they go back to their own lives and distance themselves for one reason or another. Some I am sure just think that we are doing fine after a certain length of time. Unless they have experienced a great loss, they truly don’t understand how it really feels.
I’m hoping you will be able to find somewhere you can go to get some help and support, but for now, just keep coming back here. Everyone on this board is willing to listen and to help in any way that they can and because we have been there we truly do understand.
Take care Frances.
Hugs,
DarlaDear Frances,
You have my deepest sympathy on the loss of you dear mother. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and also the circumstances and progression of her illness. Do not worry about posts being too long. No post is too long. Feel free to come back at any time as we are here to listen and help and support you in any way that we can. Everything you said and all that you are feeling has been said or felt before by most all of us who have lost a loved one to this disease.
I know your feelings of having to handle all this on your own, as I lost my husband and although I do have some support from family & friends, I too am basically alone and left to deal with everything on my own.
All I can tell you is that in time things will start to get better and you will be able to take some comfort in the memories of all the good times you had with your mom and the rest will eventually slowly fade into the background. Know that your mother will always be with you in your heart and fond memories.
Please keep coming back and sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. We care and will help and support you in any way that we can.
Hugs & Love,
DarlaThat is so true. I found this site a few days after Jim passed away and have been here ever since.
The people on this board are awesome. You won’t find more caring, understanding, kind, supportive people than you will find here. I got so much help & support in those early days and hope that in some small way I am able to pass that on.Darla
Anna-Marie,
Welcome to the group. You will find that there is no better place to be when dealing with this disease. You are a very strong woman to have gone through and dealt with everything that you have had to. Thanks for sharing this with us. I too hope you have more good news to share after your appointment at the end of the month. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
Hugs,
DarlaDear Sam,
You and your family have my deepest sympathy. Take comfort in knowing that his passing was peaceful and that he is no longer suffering or in pain. He will always be with you in your heart and memories. Know that we are all here for you at this sad and trying time.
Love and Hugs,
DarlaDear Crissie,
I’m thinking that all of us who have lost a loved one have these feelings from time to time. My husband passed away over 6 years ago and I know several people like this. My husband too would have given anything to still be here, and it seems that some of those who are lucky enough to be don’t appreciate it. Life is not fair and yes, it hurts to see people who don’t appreciate what they have been given. Do I feel resentment toward them, yes, at times I do, but there is nothing I can do to change things so I try not to let it get to me or dwell on it too much. Do I feel guilty for having these feelings? Some times, but we all have the right to our feelings. We just have to try not to let them affect us negatively.
Please know that you can come here and express your feelings as we all understand.
Take care.
Hugs,
Darla
