jmoneypenny

LD,
Oh, I feel so terrible for you! It breaks my heart. I, too, had to do the death watch for my mother (age 64), and was frantically trying to get answers as to when the end was near. A week before my mother’s death, the swelling in her legs got much worse and worked up to her abdomen more, even to her behind and hips, and fluid started leaking through the pores in her legs. Hospice told me that was a sign of the end, but she seemed the same otherwise, so I didn’t believe them. Then, one night, she suddenly sat up and said, “Something’s wrong!” and started vomiting black bile. Then she had to go to the bathroom for the first time in days and had a bm. My mother’s dear friend told me to call the hospice nurse right then, saying she knew that your body will purge itself of all its fluids in preparation for death. The hospice nurse came and looked at my mother, who was sleeping but still conscious a few hours a day, and said my mother would definitely die within 48 hours. She was absolutely right. She based this on looking at my mother’s fingernails – she said they were turning blue underneath, but I couldn’t really see it – and on her shallow breathing and low blood pressure. She told us to watch for the “death rattle” – a terrible-sounding breathing that most people have at the end of life, sometimes only for a few minutes, sometimes for hours. My mother got that gurgly kind of rattling breathing shortly thereafter and she went on like that for 4-5 hours, but it got louder and then I knew it was soon. For the last few minutes of her life, her breathing suddenly got much quieter, so I knew a change was happening, then she just gasped her last few breaths and she was gone.

The night before she died she also had confusion and tried to get up and got agitated, which we were told to expect, and hospice gave me some kind of pill to give her to calm her down. That may also be a sign of the end.

I’m telling you this because I know how desperately I was looking for signs of the end, and I couldn’t find any answers. But everyone is different, even in the way they die, so I don’t know if this information is much help to you.

I hope for a peaceful passing for your dear husband and I pray for peace for you and your grieving family. My heart goes out to you.
– Joyce

Dear Charlene,
I can understand all the heartbreak you’re going through now, and I know words can’t make it any better. We are all here if you need to vent and just have someone to listen to you who understands what you’re going through. I lost my mother to this horrendous disease in January and it still helps me so much to come to this site. My mother was too young to die at 64, and your husband is so much younger than that – my heart bleeds for you and for your family. It sounds like he is putting up a valiant fight – it’s just so unfair that this disease takes so many wonderful people away from us.

Try to take care of yourself as well as your husband – you’re in our thoughts and prayers.
– Joyce

Great news! Congratulations!!! This should be moved to the “good news” section, as we all like to hear it when someone is doing so well. All the best to your father – so glad he’s feeling well and had such great test results.
– Joyce

Hi Cherryle,
I hope your mother starts feeling better soon. My mother was on Gemzar and tolerated it pretty well the first time – with a few days of feeling extremely horrible, then feeling better. The second round of Gemzar just killed her — literally, I believe — because it broke down her immune system and weakened her so much that I believe it hastened her death. Please understand that everyone responds differently and most people seem to tolerate this chemo pretty well, so I was surprised that my mother had such an extreme reaction. I think that it’s just exhausting for the body to tolerate so many toxins so after a couple of treatments the symptoms seem to get worse. I think the lack of appetite is normal, and chemo can make it worse. The stomach pains, we were told, can be a good sign, that maybe the tumors are dying and that’s what is causing the pain.

My mother also had fatigue and fevers, but when her fever got higher and she had shortness of breath, we had to take her to the hospital because it turned out that she had an infection – cholangitis. So watch your mother carefully to make sure the fever isn’t a sign of infection – then she’ll need antibiotics right away. I would ask if your mother could take a short break from chemo — it seems like 4 treatments might be a little too much for her to handle right now. Just my opinion – I know it’s hard to make decisions based on the little information we have, so there is no right or wrong answer. I just know that my mother’s immune system was never good to begin with, so chemo just made it worse. Everyone is different – I hope your mother bounces back soon. Also, if she has nausea she may not want to eat or drink, so I hope they gave her some anti-nausea medications – they can really help.

Best of luck to you and your family. Lot of love and hope going your way,

– Joyce

Best of luck, Jeff – I hope all the side effects are signs that the stuff is working! Wouldn’t that be great? We’re all rooting for you-
Joyce

Hi Carol,
I sympathize with how frustrated you feel right now! My mother was given chemo as her only option because of the “uncountable” tumors in both lobes of her liver. She tried Xeloda and Gemzar, but she was too far gone for it to make much of a difference. It works very well for some people, though. Also check out the people on this site who use a special diet and herbal supplements and mushroom extract – I think it’s under “Alternative Treatments.” Different things work for different people, so don’t give up hope!

Much luck to you!

– Joyce

Nancy,
Please be heartened – there are at least 2 long-term survivors on this board, I believe they are JeffG and darn, I can’t remember the other name but I recognize them when I see their posts and they are always uplifting! Go to the discussion thread about good news/what’s working and I’m sure you’ll find some hope there. Miracles DO happen!-Joyce