ljg

You know, I really feel it is important to s-l-o-w down and savor the process of grieving, to fully feel it and be in it, to be as present as possible with each and every emotion and event. I also remember that I had to go thru and mark all the things I would take with me and I really felt her guiding hand in each decision, because frankly I was out of my mind with sorrow.

It turned out to be a good thing, because I felt that she selected each and every thing she wanted me to have, and I am all the more grateful for the things, but more so for that experience, and her special gift to me… learning how to live fully and take each moment as is comes.

Just as you enjoyed your loved one… enjoy their memory, and communing with them each time you think of them or touch their treasured gifts. If you are a daughter or son, remember that you are one of their gifts and take good care of yourself, learning to live fully with the memories and in your own “present”. (((hugs))) -ljg

Hi folks-

The world’s best stool softner is magnesium glycinate, it is required to address the balancing act that is calcium-potassium-magnesium; if you take one without the others it just starts a new problem. But when you take a tad too much magnesium glycinate for your system, the result is soft stools (that is how people know to back off and know their correct dosage). The way to understand what your body needs is to add it until you hit soft stools, and maybe for you it could be both a mineral to balance out the system and a treatment to soften the stool. (Miralax had too many side effects, despite being a good idea initially.) Just a thought. -ljg

Hello Vincent-

I find myself not knowing what to say to members who have a loved one who is suffering from this disease. Today and often, sadly, I know how to empathize with loosing your Mother. I lost mine, too, just 8 months ago to this terrible cancer. I may have not reached out to you previously because I was feeling lost or angry, without much hope to offer, and I am sorry for that. Please know that it is now that I understand how to help you. I am sending healing energy your way.

Your situation echoed mine with my Mom, Patty. I was in some small way relieved that her suffering was over, but we will be having many feelings about the losses each and every day for a long time. I admire your courage and your ability to communicate what you are feeling. That is rare, and very important on your healing journey.

Ironically, my Mom wanted to see me graduate and I am about to do just that in June. My very best you you, stay strong, allow the “waves” of grief to come, and pass, as they do often.

We are here when you need to talk; your post helps me to remember how grateful I am that I was there with my Mom to the very end.

To our Moms! (((hugs))) -ljg

Aneux-

I found that once my Mom’s stent went it, she got some relief. In her case, which was stage 4, advanced, and spread through a gallbladder surgery that was aborted, then the cancer spread to the omentum (hopefully not your case), it started the ascities process. That was not a good development and once ascities takes hold, reversing it is difficult. Low back pain is typical, unfortunately. Itching, high bilirubin levels, odd stools, inability to eat, etc. were all a part of the process. Her pain, I am sorry and sad to say, was never abated in any real way.

My Mom never developed a fever, interestingly enough. I don’t want to offer only bad information or too much, but you can ask any time and more details will always be provided as you need them from me or our wonderful community of sharing.

I am taking a Chinese Medicine class now, and they say that people who are told of their disease, such as in Western Medicine, do worse, so maybe the answers to these questions need to be understood by you, but not shared with your husband. Just a thought, unless he has changed his mind about details. Maybe he wants you now to be prepared, but not be informed himself.

I am very sorry that you ever heard the term cholangiocarcinoma, let alone in such a personal way. My very best to you and your husband. -ljg

Dear Pam-

I hope this message finds you relived in some small way that your Mother knew how much she was loved and that she suffers no more. We are all small children when we loose our Mom. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Our best to you and your family at this time.

-ljg and the entire CC Community.

Tess-

You know it sometimes gets harder before it gets easier. And then there are times, that it sneaks up on you. There are times that you miss them and can’t feel it, and there are times when the tears come in the middle of the night.

It’s a process, and the fact that you are feeling it is good, despite the way it feels. I encourage you to allow anything to come, at any time, and be ready to be blown away by grief. I was. But it was good and it is way better than not feeling, not processing, or worst of all not loving. Be willing to do whatever you need to to process it. You become more human by allowing that space and reality into your life.

To your Dad! To my Mom! It is good to feel and okay to be deeply sad and miss them. I sure am today. (((hugs))) -ljg