asher47

So….I was really going to let it be already, but it seems like I need the advice of the experts again! Just a couple days ago, when my father got the results from the CT scan indicating 5 new lesions in the lungs, (mets from liver) he also met with the surgeon that did his bowel resection and asked if it would be possible to do a colostomy reversal. The surgeon promptly said “sure” after only 3 months ago saying “there is no sense us doing a surgery that you could potentially not make it out of when you don’t have a lot of time left.” Makes senses right? However, I have seen my dad suffer with his colostomy. He spends endless hours in the boy’s room and it seems to be the only thing on his mind. Just to give you an idea of my dad though, he has never been all that adventurous, so in a sense this colostomy has given him more to talk about. But I do see that it has given him trouble. Anyways, I was shocked to hear that the reversal was given the green light for the 19th of February! Especially since the onset of ascites (gained 40 lbs), a cold he has been battling for 2 weeks, lack of sleep etc. So I got his permission to call his GP and make sure they were aware of the newest changes, which they were not. Because my dad doesn’t really understand where he is at, or else he doesn’t want to believe it (which isn’t necessarily a terrible thing) he has not conveyed to his doctor most of these happenings. So they just put him on antibiotics and ordered him another CT scan of his chest to r/o pneumonia, that he had tonight. Yes, I am getting to my point. My dad is a big fan of band-aid solutions. To get anything he wants he will push until he gets it, and avoid communicating details even if it is not what is good for him. He had a bad cold, a perforation in his colon as well as cancer when he went in for his initial knee replacement surgery but he never said a word even though he knew something was wrong. Now he wishes he never did the knee replacement because it gives him more pain than the cancer. My concern is that he will regret the reversal. He thinks it is such a blessing, an instant cure but I am worried it will not be. If he ate better the colostomy wouldn’t give him so much grief. He has no intention to make lifestyle changes that would be required for the reversal yet he wants it. (Oh my, I am seeing some clear role reversals here as I type this)

My question: I know cancer patients get surgery all the time, to put in a stent or remove a tumor, but this is different. Is a man at stage 4/5 liver cancer with lung mets in any condition to survive this rather invasive surgery??

AND Would a surgeon do a surgery he knows could completely debilitate a patient/patient will not survive if it is something the patient really desires? I know it is terrible of me to think this, but sometimes I wonder if they just want to shut him up.

Ultimately I cannot save my dad from himself, no matter how irrational I think this is, and perhaps I have nothing to worry about and the doctors do know what they are doing. After all, whos to know if tomorrow he will take a turn for the worse, or the next day or a year from now. So in effort to not worry what will be or what might be, I am trying to let go, but it is difficult. Of course I want the surgery to happen and be a success. Doesn’t he deserve the dignity to live the remainder of his life without a bag of feces hanging from his abdomen? But at what price is my question…his life?

Thank you in advance for your help!

Ashlea

Thank you all for your opinions! However, at this time my father does not want a second opinion. Although there was some confusion about stage 2 diagnosis by his oncologist, the surgeon who initially opened him up to do the operation and then saw that it had metastasized has been quite clear about my dad’s current situation. There is not much they can do, my dad has accepted that fact. Thus, as his daughter, his fighter, I need to respect his decisions. He is rather coherent and able-minded to do so. At this point it is about making him as comfortable as possible. Thank you for the referral and your advice to seek a second opinion, but I doubt that another surgeon would see anything different, after all, they opened him up, and mets don’t lie. In part, finding this website has not been a good thing for myself. Though I see that it may be a source of support, it also has caused me to worry way too much at my young age. I am far away from my father and that makes it difficult so this is the only control I have. I find myself looking for any symptoms of impending death, wondering if he is going to be okay because I do feel the end is near. But, I know I can’t worry…just as I wrote to him in a recent letter, it is not my choice when he leaves this world. It would be selfish of me to be angry about this poor prognosis. All I can do is make the best of the time I do have left with him. I can’t imagine how overwhelmed he must feel. I can see that a large part of him has given up. That is what hurts the most. If there is one thing you all could pray for, it is that he can find some peace in all of this chaos. Blessings and thank you for your kindness.

Just a little update: Dad came down with a nasty cold last week, his GP sent him for a CT scan of his chest. Is a cough/cold reason enough to think that the CC could have spread to the lungs? got a CT scan done which shows the initial mass on the liver to have grown to 12×12 cms. They also found 5 new pulmonary nodules on the lungs, 2 which are 7mm and 3 which are 5mm on the other lung. So it is clear that it has mets to the lung. Guess we didn’t expect this so soon. What should we expect next? Also, I am not sure why he is gaining weight? There is definitely evidence of fluid in his abdomen but it’s not that substantial. Why else could this be? They sent him home with nothing but a written report of the progression of his current situation. I have made sense of some of it, but it is Dr. language.

Well Patty,

I am not sure now. Thinking back it is all a blur as to what the doctors said. When first diagnosed we were told it was secondary liver cancer. They spent 3 months doing MRI, CT scans etc to locate this primary source. None was found. As far as other health problems, he battles arthritis, he has mangled left leg that has never healed since he broke literally every bone in it (this of course being the reason we found out about the caner, because of his knee replacement surgery, which he vows he should have never done because it gives him more pain than the cancer), also he had a bowel resection and is left with a colostomy which gives him constant grief. He has talked to the doctors about reversing the colostomy, but they don’t believe he is strong enough. When they said “special” case I think they were referring to the fact that no other options will work. They said radiation could shrink it, but since there is the metastasis it wouldn’t be worth it in the long run. The stage 2 thing concerns me, although this doctor was not the one who opened him up and saw the progression of it. He did say it was difficult to say, and that in my dads case they couldnt really go by stages? Umm, he then went on to say “you’re going to be around for a long time!” This felt like false hope to me, but perhaps the doctor didn’t want to scare my dad. Although I know just have this fight back and I would regret not looking into this further and having someone else look at his records! I will be honest though, it does scare me. And what if my dad doesn’t want it? That is what I am scared of. Dad is FINALLY accepting this…But it would be better to know for sure.