brookerp

Barbara – as I read your post, it is as if you are telling my story. There is a special bond between a father and his daughter. I am not saying that other bonds are less important, please everyone, don’t interpret that way – there is just something special about being a Daddy’s girl. I think that was the hardest for my Daddy. He, like your Dad Barbara, was always a strong man, (at his funeral the preacher said Daddy was his John Wayne) he was always taking care of me – never failing. Then when this horrible disease took that from him and diminished his frame of 230 pounds to 175 pounds and unable to feed himself, it was hard for my Daddy to have his little girl take care of him. He would always tell me he didn’t know what he would do without me – all the while I am thinking, what am I going to do without you! When I called Hospice for Daddy, I felt like I was giving up on him. But the burden had become to much for me to bear alone…..they were such a huge, positive support. I also felt like you Barbara, and didn’t want Daddy to stay medicated so that he could talk to us while at Hospice in those last hours…..but bless his heart, the pain was unbearable, so they kept him medicated until he passed. Daddy passed away peacefully January 14 of this year with my brother, my husband and myself by his side. When Daddy took his last breath, there was a smile on his face and I know at that moment he saw Jesus and his mother, who he had missed so much since she had passed away……that is the comfort I have Barbara, no more pain for Daddy, no more dreaded chemo treatments, no more dreaded news from the oncologist……..just peace.
I hope my words have not made you sadder than you are – I just want you to know I am sending love and peace to you and your family during this precious time and it is so comforting to know that other people have felt the same pain as I have as this horrible cancer took away my one and only Daddy. Like someone said before, it is awful that this cancer brought us together, I wish I never had to post on this site…..but I am so thankful for each of you – your friendship has kept me going these last 6 weeks since losing my Daddy…..every kind word and prayer…..

Smiling through tears,
Patsy

Tess – thanks so much for the info and the research. My dad was in the Korean Conflict and developed CC 8/07 and passed away January 14 of this year. Very, very interesting……..
And Joyce – I was like you before Daddy passed away, I was obsessed with reading/researching about CC – it was my way of contributing to help find a cure or REASON why my Daddy had this dreadful cancer.

Smiles through tears,
Patsy

Joyce, Janet and Darla – I hope you don’t mind if I jump in here too. I have been reading your posts all week and wanted to jump in and talk. A lot of times I also feel that if I post when others are talking about their symptoms, I will be a downer. A lot of the things I read about are things that happen to my Daddy during his battle. I want to comment on things that happened to him during paracentesis, his last days or his Hospice stay, but I don’t want to bring others down. One thing I have learned about CC is that it is different with everyone, with a common threads. I have also started hanging out on the grief management posts because I feel comfortable here.
My Daddy passed away on January 14 and last Thursday, I took my mom for a thyroid biopsy – I have just about lost it every day waiting for the results. Today, we found out it is benign and they will check the nodules again in 3 months.
Janet, I know how overwhelming this all is, especially with your sister’s diagnosis. I am so sorry you have such a heavy burden right now. Please know my prayers go out to you for comfort and peace……thanks for letting me vent on your post. Somedays coming to this site is the only peace I have – even when I cry the whole time, it is a good cry to know others feel the same emptiness and sadness I do.
Take care.
Smiles through tears,
Patsy

Steph – I am so sorry….everyone before me is right – this is the place to come and vent. Heather said it perfectly – I come here daily, also, like an addict, because I know there are others – we are connected by this horrible disease that treats everyone differently. The days after my Daddy’s funeral were a blur – he passed away January 14 of this year. We buried him on a Saturday and I went back to work that Thursday. I told myself it was because I needed to think of something else besides thank you notes and finalizing everything. But sometimes now I wish I had taken more time to just deal with the hurt and the grief. I say this to you because we all grieve differently – take time to cry, sob and scream if you need to. You are a wonderful daughter and your dad is lucky to have you, but remember to take care of the caregiver – yourself!!!! Let your mind be flooded with the wonderful memories of your mother!!!
Sending hugs your way to help you through this time.

Smiles through Tears,
Patsy

Stephanie – I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad January 14 of this year and he also was in a coma like state toward the end for about 10 hours. It was very hard to watch, even though the medications made him “peaceful” he was gasping for air the whole time. The only comfort that I have is that he does not have to live with this terrible cancer anymore. He fought a courageous battle for 18 months. My heart goes out to you! Hold on to the wonderful memories of your mom~ we can do this!

Smiles through tears,
Patsy

Pam – bless your heart, my heart is full of emotion as I read your post. My dad developed ascites the end of November and we began paracentesis the first week of December. This really helped a lot……I also called Hospice the last week of December. The day I made that decision was filled with mixed emotion. The first emotion was, I felt like I was giving up on my Daddy. The second emotion was, relief….I knew I didn’t have to do it by myself anymore. I have an older brother, but he was an emotional wreck when it came to caring for my Dad. My dad passed away peacefully on January 14 at Hospice – I’m so glad I called them ahead of time to make all the arrangements so the transition was easy. YES, it is hard to be the parent and make the decisions….hugs to you and prayers for strength as you go through this time. Know that you are doing the best for both your parents – and yourself. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are.

Smiles through tears,
Patsy

Yesterday was a month since my sweet Daddy took his last breath. He was also in care of Hospice and I echo what Hopeandgrace wrote. They made him so comfortable through the last moments of this terrible cancer. Wednesday morning, January 14 around 11:00, the dr came in and told us the end was near. Daddy’s was only breathing 4 breaths per minute, but was comfortable to not gasping for air as he has been the night before. This ugly, violent cancer had moved into both his lungs and he fought for air before we moved him to Hospice Monday night. At 11:20, Daddy breathed 3 breaths about 75 seconds apart, I was counting with each breath. My brother, my husband and myself were standing by Daddy’s bedside, holding his hands and with his last breath, my Daddy smiled and he was gone. I know that Daddy had just seen the most beautiful sight, His Savior and His Mother were waiting for him. They took his hand and guided him into Heaven’s Gates. We cried selfish tears at that moment, but knowing, we did not want him to come back and go through the battle he had gone through for the last 15 months.
Thank you HopeandGrace and everyone else, for your touching posts and for reminding me of the Peace that only God can give during this time of missing my Daddy. It was not goodbye, just see you in a little while. Every day I feel my Daddy’s loving arms around me, guiding me through the rest of this earthly journey. I miss him dearly, but I know he is in a far better place than this, smiling down as I type this, comforting me not to cry, but SMILE, OPEN YOUR EYES, LOVE AND GO ON.

Smiling through tears,
Patsy