cherbourg
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Oh Lainy,
My heart goes out to you. This is such a bittersweet time. I remember all those feelings I had about my Mom. Know that I’m holding you both in my heart and praying daily for you daily.
Hugs and Love,
PamSeebee,
I’m so sorry you and your family are facing this horrible disease.
I’m in the medical field and was the one to diagnose my Mom in May 2008. She was Stage IV with mets to the lungs and inoperable. She lived almost exactly one year with multiple chemos. That said she was able to see her only granddaughter and the youngest grandchild marry and see the birth of her second great-grandchild.
I know the feeling of getting punched in the gut. I will never forget the day I saw my Mom’s slides under my microscope. I didn’t lose my grandmothers until their mid 90’s so I expected to have my Mom around for at least another 25 years.
All I can say is to make as many memories as possible. Your wife may want to write some letters to your children or make a recording for them. I would give anything to hear my Mom’s voice again! She may want to give them something special that she treasures.
I think you are exactly on track with being honest with your children. They are old enough to be told the truth and they WILL know and remember how wonderful and amazing their Mom is. Hospice is an excellent resource. They can help with counseling for you and your children. Our Dr. Giles ( you can find him at the top of the page) is an excellent resource as well. I think he’s answered questions about children dealing with the impending death of a parent in his forum before.
Take this time to tell each other how much you mean to them. Let family and friends do as much as possible for you and your family.
Above all come here to vent and share. We have broad shoulders and have walked or are walking in your shoes. We are with you on this journey.
Anticipatory grief is almost unbearable. You are facing the unknown and none of us are ever prepared. It is truly a roller coaster of emotions and fears. I believe it’s equally hard no matter whether you are the patient or the caregiver.
Please know I will hold you and your family close in my heart and prayers.
Hugs, love and many prayers coming your way…
Pam
After dealing with CC and it’s aftermath I can categorically state that: NORMAL IS JUST A SETTING ON A DRYER……….
Hang in there…Grief is the hardest job you’ll ever do and there is no instruction manual, no timetable and no two people will face it in the same way. Fortunately everyone here understands and will be here to help you in your journey.
Hugs and prayers headed your way!
Pam
Kimmie,
My Mom had planned her own funeral….I wrote about it here. The night she told me I would give her eulogy and that Daddy would sing I just about threw up. For months driving between New Bern NC and Greensboro I would be alone in the car and practice. I would get the first line out…’I am Helen Davis’ oldest daughter” then burst into tears…
I can tell you that you will find a deep strength inside yourself and will do great. I was able to speak for almost 20 minutes about my Mom and her journey with CC. My Daddy sang at her funeral and her two oldest grandsons also spoke. It was a beautiful testimony of how much she meant to her family and her church family.
I promise you….you’ll do fine!
Hugs,
PamHi Heather,
My Mom was stage IV with mets to the lungs when diagnosed. My parents live in Greensboro and I made arrangements for her to be treated at Duke. Her oncologist was excellent – Dr. Michael Morse.
I’m a Cytologist and diagnosed my Mom and I’m pleased to say she got excellent care at Duke.
Check out all of the options and never take NO for an answer.
Come here often, we are all here for you!
Hugs!
Pam
Had to add the final ending to this post. On Saturday my son got his official letter from the State of North Carolina telling him he passed the Bar Exam on his first attempt.
I am so proud of my son but after his phone call my first thought was to call my Mom. I called Daddy and gave him the good news. After we talked and hung up the tears began to fall.
Once again I am blindsided by grief and angry about all the things my Mom should be here to experience.
I know she knows and is cheering him and me from heaven but it’s still hard since I miss her so much….
Ah well….the journey continues….
Pam
Hi Claude1,
What you are experiencing actually has a name…..anticipatory grief. I know exactly what you are going through since I’ve also done it. We’ve discussed it numerous times on this site.
If you want, you can use the search forum and enter “grief” and my author name “Cherbourg” and read some of my posts about it. You can also google the term and you will find some good websites. The hospice and American Cancer society have sections you can read.
I really thought all of the anticipatory grief would prepare me for my Mom’s death but it didn’t. Grief is one of the hardest thing we ever do in my opinon. It’s intensely personal and there is no timetable.
I know how hard it is to live in the here and now after a diagnosis of CC. All I can tell you is to create as many memories as you can while your Dad is still here. I wish I’d made a recording of my Mom’s voice. I miss it so much. Take tons of pictures and take time to let him know how much you love him.
You aren’t crazy and what you are feeling is perfectly normal.
We are all here for you on this journey. Come here often.
Hugs, love and lots of prayers to you!
Pam
Kris…..not naughty but always sassy!
Not the news we hoped for but I feel very sorry for the doctors if they think you are ready to just give up!
I’m sending lots of prayers for you and Hans and lots of hugs. Please keep us informed. You know we’re here for you!
Hugs!
Pam
Lainy,
Don’t clean. If someone has a problem, direct them to the cleaning supplies and let them have at it!
Have a wonderful time with the family and Teddy!
Hugs,
PamBelieve me Sarah, we understand!
I lost my Mom April 3, 2009 to CC. I still miss her everyday.
You will find that grieving will be the hardest thing you will ever do. It will get easier but there is NO TIMETABLE for the process. It’s a little like the ebb and flow of the tides. It’s also intensely personal. No two people will grieve alike or in the same timeframe. I’ve had some very good friends tell me, “You need to just get over it, being sad won’t bring her back.”
I am now remembering more of the good memories but I can still be derailed by simple things like passing someone in a store wearing my mom’s perfume or hearing a song on the radio.
You will make your way through this process but be kind and gentle to yourself. It’s not a race and there are no rules. You have to work through the process and you really have to just grieve.
We are all at various steps on this journey with CC but you can rest assured that we will all be willing to walk with you on your journey. We’re here for you.
Hugs to you and don’t ever feel alone….
Pam
Margaret and Tom,
You will both be in my prayers tomorrow. Hugs and strength to the both of you!
Pam
Lainy,
I was coming back from Greensboro tonight and listening to one of my mom’s favorite cds when I had an overwhelming urge to say a prayer and you and Teddy popped into my mind…..I think of you both often and just want you to know how much you both have meant to me during my Mom’s journey with CC. I know how hard this time is for you and want you to know you both are in my thoughts and prayers.
Be strong….
Hugs and love to you both…
PamUrinary tract infections can also cause problems in older adults.
hang in there!
Hugs to you and your Mom!
Pam
