daniellemarg
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Deborah,
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank God he is no longer suffering and is in a better place. So tough for the family. You have loads of support here, we are all here for each other and it is a blessing.
DanielleDear Janet,
EEKK, I feel your pain. My husband’s affairs were also not organized and it’s been a complete nightmare sorting through and trying to make arrangements. As you’ve seen from my other posts I am an emotional wreck – my ‘sane’ moments are spent trying to organize finances etc. and I keep finding little surprises (expenses, bills, credit cards…that I didn’t know about). Disaster.The ONLY support/good advice I can offer is:
1) I feel your pain as do most of us on this website
2) there is an end to the administrative mess. Although it feels like we have mountains of work to do and to be frank, even picking up the phone to make a call to VISA feels like work, settling an estate is not an endless task and eventually it will be okay.Good luck. Vent here all you want – we can sympathize!!
XOXO
Danielle
Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your warm thoughts, words of comfort and prayers. I am a little worse each day rather than better. I think it is all too new. I can’t stop crying and the pain of him absence is as much physical as it is mental. It’s so quiet here – I am so lost and alone and constantly pray that I’ll to die.
thank again for being there and sorry for the depressing posts…
with love,
danielleDear friends,
Thank you so much for your kind words. It is truly comforting, in a horrible way, to know that others know what I am going through. I am sitting alone in our kitchen in our home in the middle of nowhere (northern Queensland on a little island). We had gone to the USA with the hope of a liver transplant and he was listed but then fell ill quite quickly. Five months ago we were a normal married couple on a permanent honeymoon. People always commented on how in love we were. we had a perfect life and were so darn happy it was frankly quite nauseating to people.Now, a week after the funeral, i am trying to live but find that i can’t even do the simplest tasks. i am lost, alone, heartbroken. My beautiful stepdaughters have just left to go back to school so it’s so quiet here, just me and my husband’s ashes. i feel like am going crazy with my grief, losing my mind (i am usually very normal and smart/together/pillar of strength but now i am a complete mess, a train wreck). have any of you gone through this?
with love,
danielleDear Heather,
I am so, so sorry. I do not have any words of comfort for you as nothing I say will even make a dent at your grief. On a practical level, keep coming to this website as several of us are going through the same thing, i.e. Darla, Joyce, and I. I lost my beloved husband only three weeks ago (on 14 June) and I am crazy with my grief. Although I agree 100% that you need to keep busy, allow yourself space to grieve, wholly and privately. Heather, I feel guilty posting to you as I am a complete wreck and don’t want to say the wrong thing. I just want you to know that I feel a lot for you and it sounds like you and Em are doing very well. I am praying for you, as well as the others.
Cherish your beautiful memories as part of your grief and allow your memories to provide some peace, comfort and Lee’s love that will never, ever leave you. I loved Lainy’s words.
With love and my prayers,
DanielleDear friends,
Thank you for your kind words. I am an absolute mess. No idea how I shall live without him nor am I am interested in a life which does not include my beautiful man. No words.I pray that all of you fare much better and continue your fight against this horrrible disease.
Danielle
Dear Charlene,
It sounds like you have a very good plan in place, i.e and provisions for emotional and practical support. Mother in laws are wonderful (although not everyone agrees) as they are our connection to our husbands. They need us as much as we need them. It also sounds like you are in a much better place now and things are falling into place. This is inspiring to me, I also have had very dark thoughts, all stemming from the impending loss of my beloved, fear of my inability to cope and very daunting financial stress.
Charlene, your feelings match reality with respect to the support on this website. You are loved. Deep breaths, reach within for peace and you clearly have love in your lifes and the strength to rebuild your life. You’ll be just fine.
Love,
DanielleDearest Kris,
It sounds like you’re on the right side of the fence and I am VERY glad to hear that the tumour has not grown, the lymph node is negative and no disease progression. Possible surgery. These are very good things. Kris, your CC is slow and your optimism (and mine for you) is grounded in fact, as well as hope.
I wish you a day of fluids, cold watermelon, peace and more fluids.
Danielle
Dear friends,
Thank you very much. I don’t have any strength left. Today was a very difficult day. We moved him to palliative care, his four beautiful girls are leaning on me for emotional support, his family is here from Australia (we’re also not from here) also looking to me for guidance, I am trying to care for my husband (who loves me dearly and needs me at his side), care for his family who are all falling aprt, accept that my husband is dying. I have not worked in 6 months since caring for my husband, will be responsibile for 5 mortgages and the Mayo just sent me a bill for 350,000. I am so scared, stressed, depressed and worn down. I’ve done my best to care for myself (i.e. eat, sleep, nice walk every morning) but I falling under and want to crawl into hole and never come out.is this normal?
Lady bug,
I just prayed for you and your husband scans (v. clean I prayed). It’s horrible waiting for results. Is there any way that you could do something fun while you wait, i.e. some way to celebrate this life and the journey you’ve taken together thus far? Jim and I did it before the ‘biggies’ and used the time to reiterate our strength, faith and intention to fight, no matter what the outcome.My thoughts and prayers to you!
Danielle
My dear friends,
Thank you for the support and advice. I took the advice, prepared a speech, kidnapped the nurse coordinator and top oncologist and expressed all my concerns. They responded….Jim is terminal, needs palliative and agreed that I can’t care for him (yet) at home. We are planning to moving him to a hospice facility. All the family from Australia is here now so it will work out.The pain is excruciating but so much love in our family interactions.
I also made a very strong complaint about the bed sores – a wound nurse saw him and then developed a care plan, finally, there is better management.
So difficult.
Thanks to all of you, I knew that you would write and it warms my heart and spirit.
With love and thanks,
DanielleWendy,
In our world, metal stents rock!! My husband had a ton of issues with the plastic ones (dislodging, infection etc.) and had to get them changed every few weeks (nightmare). He’s had the metal ones for several months, without issue. There was no surgery through the ribs but they were placed during a procedure the same as the plastic ones. His metal and plastic stents were purely to keep the bile ducts running.Regarding external drainage, this was not linked to the stents. Jim has had external drains from the billiary tract, a gallbladder cavity and the lung but not linked to stents.
I don’t know the links between surgery and stents as Jim was not eligible for surgery.
Good luck!
Danielle
