darla
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Terry,
I know exactly what you are saying. Early on I had someone tell me they understood how I felt as they feel the same. I asked when & how she had lost her husband and she said “He divorced me.” I totally agree with you. There is absolutely no comparsion. What are these people thinking?
Darla
Nancy,
Ramblings are good and food for thought. You are so right, there is nothing good or normal about any of this and all we can do is deal with it all the best we can.
I was thinking you could say you have 2 children, one here on earth and one who has passed on, but that would lead to more questions and explanations that none of us really want to deal with. Not sure what the answer is. Hopefully one day we will all be able to handle these things more easily. Keep rambling.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Kim,
My husband passed away 2 1/2 years ago and I still get the “Are you OK?” or “How are you doing?” questions. Like you I just say I am dealing with things as best I can. They really don’t want to hear that you are not doing great and wouldn’t know what to say if you told them they truth anyway. Atleast that’s how I feel about it. Some days I would just like to say “How the hell do you think I am? How would you be if you were me?” Of course I would never actually do that, but wouldn’t you just loved to see how people would react to that? Maybe it would stop them from asking if nothing else.
It also bothers me that when I try to talk about Jim people seem to be uncomfortable and change the subject. We need to be able to talk about our loved ones and to remember them.
I think that telling you it is going to get worse doesn’t really help anything, but sometimes it does. You will have good days and bad days, but you don’t need others reminding you of that when you are trying your best to live your life and deal with all that has happened.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this, but I guess it is all just part of this whole process. Take care Kim. Hang in there. Thinking of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaTerry,
You are not a faiure. You are normal for the situation that you are in.
I hate that word too and try to ignore it the best I can I am and always will be “married” as far as I’m concerned.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with so much right now. Would it help to tell you atleast you don’t have to deal with snow & icy?
I had to hire someone to plow so I can get out of my garage in back and I shovel the front walk myself. Atleast I don’t have a lawn to cut.It does seem that things we could handle when our husbands were still here seem impossible to deal with now. I am glad you have your dog to keep you safe in your home.
No other suggestions, but just want you to know you are not alone. All we can do is try our best and hopefully eventually things will all work out. Just keep taking it one day at a time.
Thinking of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Melanie,
I agree with everything Nancy said. In the beginning it all seems so surreal and like her son, my husband did not want a funeral and also didn’t want me to have to go through all of that. When it happens so fast it is over before you even have time to realize what is happening. I think in many ways we go through a type of post traumatic stress syndrome.
Come here whenever you need to talk or just vent your feelings. It does help. You will stay strong for your kids and as the other Nancy said, they need you and you need them. You will all get through this somehow and be OK, together.
My heart aches for all of you. Thinking of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Melanie,
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed in a short time and suddenly also. I truely know and understand what you are going through. Try to be comforted by knowing he is no longer suffering and in pain. He will always be with you and your children in your heart and memories. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this sad time. Keep coming back here. It does help.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaTommy,
I am so sorry for your loss. Try to find some comfort in knowing that for Judy the fight is over. She is no longer in pain or suffering and has moved on to a better place. She will always be with you in your heart and memories. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Sarah,
Yes, things do have a way of working themselves out one way or another. not always as we expected or planned, but it seems to happen. I guess I have just realized that what Marion said is true also for myself. I have taken things one day at a time, but gradually start to think ahead a little. My husband passed away 2 1/2 years ago and I think I am now at the stage of thinking a little further out. Not as far ahead as next year yet, but atleast next week and maybe even month.
Like Susan, I still feel most secure in my home and familiar surroundings. I still have many moments of sadness and tears, but I do think I am beginning to handle this in a better way and don’t let myself completely fall apart.
None of this happens quickly, but in time you will realize that you too are beginning to heal. Figuring all this out is a continuous process and Ben is right there with you giving you strength and urging you on.
You and Hannah will be OK. You will be each others strength and support.
Do keep coming back here. The help and support of others who are feeling and going through the same things that you are is so comforting. As Marion said, you may also find some help through Dr. Giles.
Take care Sarah. I am thinking of you and Hannah as you continue on this journey.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Lanne,
I am sorry you have lost your mom. I know what it is like to lose a loved one to this disease. Grieving is not an easy task. Take some comfort in knowing that she is now with your dad and no longer suffering or in pain. Your mom & dad will always be with you in your heart and memories. They are all around you, watching over you. Take care of yourself . We are all here for you if you need us for help, support or just to listen.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Rae,
You have my deepest sympathy. I know how hard this all is, but atleast now your mom is at peace and no longer suffering or in pain. Know that your mom will always be with you in your heart and memories. Come back often and babble all you want. We all understand and are here for you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaTerry,
I think all of us who have lost a loved one have experienced what you are in one way or another and yes, it is hard to take and to understand. Like Pam, I have found I have to distance myself from these people, both friends and family and find those who are willing to listen and do understand. I’m glad you are continuing with the counseling. It helps to be able to talk it out. I agree with Nancy that this site is the best therapy. Talking to others who have been there and helping and supporting those who are dealing with all we have already dealt with.
You own your grief. Nobody else has the right to tell you how to handle it. There is no time frame and you don’t have to get over it. A hugh loss to something like CC leaves scars on our hearts that will never truely go away. We just have to learn how to live with it all and try to go on with this strange new life we now have. Take care Terry.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaMargaret,
Glad to hear things have settled down for you two for a while. Sounds like you have everything under control for now. Hoping it stays this way for a while. You both deserve a break.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Hans,
Once again, thanks for sharing Kris’s final journey. It was all so lovely and done so well. Be safe in your travels home.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaSDas,
I am so sorry you have gotten such disappointing news about your friend. I understand why you are feeling so badly and need to be alone, but know that we are all here to help and support if and when you are ready.
Things change and new treatments become available. I will be hoping for the best for your friend. Take care.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
