elainew

Ron,
Has your wife applied for SS Disabilty?
My husband received Social Security Disability at age 60 because “impairment is severe enough to prevent gainful employment”. There is an emergency disability process that addresses at least 50 medical conditions (we learned of it here on cc.org) and Gary qualified because of his cholangiocarcinoma. He had to wait the required 5 months but they also paid retroactively, which in his case was determined to be the very first day he went to the emergency room with jaundice.
Sadly Gary passed away at age 61 but I continue to receive partial benefits eventhough I’m only 61.
Hope this is of some help to you and your wife. Good luck and stay strong! Elaine

Darla,
My husband Gary’s birthday was also 7/2. He would have been 62 and this was the first b’day without him. I am in CA visiting my daughter so went to a winery that day(one of our favorite pastimes). While tasting some wonderful wines I met a young couple who took a sincere interest in my story of Gary. They were absolutely heaven sent and I was sure to explain to them how much their company meant to me. After leaving the winery I cried my eyes out…but it was one of those cleansing cries that leaves you exhausted but comforted. So many firsts… Elaine

Gavin,
Thank you for sharing that. For those of us who have suffered the loss, we know that our loved ones are remembered and cherished in their healthy lives and sick ones as well. It always is comforting to know we’re not alone in our sorrows and tributes. Elaine

I applaud you for being sensitive and practical concerning these very important issues. My husband, Gary, did much the same preparation for me, and it has been invaluable. Gary established a “critical events” folder containing all the information you have mentioned. Especially helpful to me after his passing was the numerical list of immediate things to do, as well as a budget listing what, where, how much and when each payment was due. Setting up on line automatic bill paying is an easy way to insure there will be no interruption of payments. There is so much to attend to after the death of a spouse, and every little disruption causes a ripple effect of chaos.

I was surprised to discover that there can be a temporary timespan when expected income is delayed. Social security payments are immediately withdrawn from your account (even when the payment for the month has already been deposited). This is refunded later on but can cause insufficient funds, bank fees, and a lack of funds when you least have the strength to deal with such things. And there are things that will need to be paid immediately -for example, almost $1000 to have the gravesite opened and closed, payment to the church for services. Funeral homes are mandated to contact SS immediatlely when notified of a death, and SS then informs VA, etc…so things begin to happen quickly.

The packet you are putting together for anyone to use will have a tremendous impact on the stability of the household and the security of its members. Thank you for being so kind and generous… the traits that seem to bind CC patients together.

My prayers are with you, Elaine

Rick,
First of all, your family will never forget you – and there’s no such thing as “softening the blow” by doing less than more. My husband Gary passed away almost 6 months ago, and he gave me the special gift of repeatedly assuring me that he wanted my life to go on and that he would be disappointed if I allowed his death to hold me back from doing things. I can’t tell you how many times in these past months I would have had guilt feelings about laughing or having fun (or taking that last minute cruise with my brother and sister-in-law) if he had not reassured me that those were the things he wanted me to do.
One extraordinary thing Gary did do, in secret, was to ask a close friend to call our immediate family members(me, his mother, brother, children) 2 months after his death to remind all of us that he felt we had grieved enough and it was time to go on. Many, many tears were shed the day we got that phone call, but the experience was priceless.
I must say I treasure Gary’s last handwritten words to me, as difficult as it is to even look at them somedays. At the time we didn’t know his death was so close, so I thank God I held onto them.
I will add you to my prayers that you continue to remain with your family.
Take care and bless you for doing whatever you can to make this easier on your family. It’s not fair, but we don’t get to make those decisions.
Elaine

Hi Joyce,

I’m glad to be reconnecting with you and the entire cc family. I’ve been reading the posts every day but didn’t feel up to posting myself until now. I was in Endicott over the holidays – wish I’d had the forethought to arrange to meet you. I’ll be back home again over the summer for sure – can we do that then? Your Young Widows group sounds like fun. I hope to make a connection like that down here in SC. Our senior citizen organization is very active also, so I’ll probably look into that as well.

Today is Gary’s 3 month anniversary and it’s amazing the wonderful signs my daughters and I experienced – a beautiful California rainbow, a gorgeous SC sunset, and a great day at work after several blue days. Gary left us all with the ability to always see the positive and to be motivated to carry on. Unbeknownst to anyone else, Gary called his best friend (and spiritual companion) the day he found out he had “weeks” to live (it ended up being 5 days) and asked him a favor. He wanted this friend to wait 2 months and then call me, the 5 children, his mother and brother and relay a message. It was the same message he lived by – go on with life, do not be sad – and for me, that he had the best years of his life with me. I feel so blessed to have had him!

It amazes me how much this board has to offer to everyone at every stage of fighting CC. What an intimate connection we all share. I’m glad to be back!

Elaine

Dear Gavin,

I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. I have followed your posts and know you were devoted to your father and to his fight against this horrible disease. Your description sounds very much like the peaceful passing of Gary 8 weeks ago. Hospice is wonderful and they truly do give your loved one all the respect and dignity they deserve. We cannot be sorry they are relieved of their pain, but they will be missed forever.

Fondly, Elaine