jclegg
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Charlene,
Some people feel uncomfortable talking about our loved ones, as Darla said. Also, they might think it is for our own good – that we need to move on a bit, that they can somehow help us to get to a better place in our minds. Like darla, I do have people who will discuss Butch, for short periods of time, and I mention him every once in a while, just so we know that he is still on our minds. I also stopped at the cemetary yesterday to say hello to him. He is almost always on my mind, and I don’t think the winter darkness and doldrums helps any of us one bit. I notice I feel a bit better when the sun shines – not good, just better. I kiss his picture morning and night, when I get up and go to bed, and I talk things over with him. I know that our husbands would want us to continue on in this life, and to take pleasure from it again some day, and I am working toward that goal. I read somewhere that moving on is a tribute to our loved ones, it reflects our love for them. I try very hard to think of my progresssion in those terms. I do know that Butch told me before he left me to live life – that live is a gift from God, and to treasure each day. I can’t quite do that yet, but – I am going to keep trying. I pray that you will be able to find some solace also, from knowing that John is in a better place, where there is no more pain or suffering. We will be here for you, and you can say whatever you need to say,Charlene. May God bless you and comfort you.Love – Joyce C
Jan,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is good that your Dad did not suffer, and that he is now in heaven with your Mom and with our Lord. A friend of mine gave me a poem this Christmas – it is titled “Merry Christmas from Heaven”, and it is about this very subject. It did comfort me, and talks about our loved ones spending Christ’s birthday with Christ s this year, which is something that my husband talked about for years – seeing Jesus face to face. I am sure that your Dad knew his Grandchildren were there with him, and was comforted by that. We will be here for you when you need us – please remember that.Joyce C.
Hello Everyone,
Pauline, I know what you mean about the dreams. I have only dreamed (or – remember dreaming) about Butch once – I so want to dream about him, as sad as it is to wake up from that dream. I do find this Christmastime so sad, my solution is – I keep busy – I will cook a ham dinner on Christmas Day for 8 people – the time will move along that way.
Someone gave me a framed peom yesterday – it is called “Merry Christmas from heaven”. It is a beautiful poem about our loved ones looking down and seeing Christ’s birthday celebrated here on earth, and they are celebrating with Christ this year. Lovely, but – did I cry – I tear up just telling you about it.
Lots of snow on the ground here in New York – i am sure Darla has more, but – plenty non the less. I will work half day, then go to my daughter;s house – the “Grands” will unwrap my gifts this afternoon – we will go to church tonight.
Next week I will order Butch’s memorial stone – have not done that yet. I do stop occasionally and visit his spot at the cemetary – I find it very difficult. – it is easier to talk to his picture!
I, too am so glad we have each other – it has been very beneficial for me (all of us I hope) to have this place to go where we can all understand one another. I wish you all the very best Christmas we can muster, under the circumstances, and remind us all of the wonderful Christmas’s we shared with our husbands in years past. I try to remember that Butch wanted me to go on, and celebrate life, and I try to do this in honor of him. I am sure that your husbands all felt the same about you, so do try to remember that. And if all we can do is stumble thru the day – it will all be over nextr week!
Love to you all,
Joyce
Charlene,
Pauline and Darla said it well. We know exactly how you feel – we are just further along down the road. On the outside, it seems I am getting better, on the inside, I am still sick with grief, and have that “empty” feeling. I decorated a little 3 foot tree (the one I used to put up outside) with Butch’s ornaments – the golf ball that says “Grandpa”, the 18 th hole green that says “Butch” my Father made him in ceramics, the football Santa, the ho-ho hole-in-one ball with the Santa cap, etc. I have a mailtruck and a mailman sitting under it (He was a mail carrier before he retired). When I look at the tree, I am celebrating our years together. It is sad and sweet at the same time. I try not to think too far ahead – it makes me crazy to think of the retirement we didn’t have together, the travelling we won’t do, etc. Instead, I try to concentrate on the good things – Butch did get to retire 6 years ago, Thank God, so he DID have a retirement, we did travel – took a wonderful western trip, and etc. Most important – our beloved husbands are in a place where there is no more pain and suffering. We weep for ourselves, don’t we – stuck down here alone! So, anyway – we are all here for you – everyone on this board, and we are all praying for you, that you may be comforted.Love – Joyce
Dear Maryanne,
How wonderful that your daughter was able to be there with you when Joe passed into the arms of the Lord. It meant so much to me to have my cousin here with us when Butch passed, and also that he was able to be at home, with people he loved. Hospice was just great – I just got a Christmas card this week from Butch’s hospice nurse – so sweet to remember me, I thought. One lesson this has taught me is the kindness of people – we are surrounded by it, every day. I pray that you find comfort and solace now, in your time of grief. We will all be thinking of you, and be right here for you, if you need us.
Love – Joyce
Sue,
I know what you mean about other family members being strong for us. When I picked my Granddaughter up from school yesterday (her Mom was out of town), I saw her notebook – she has Grandpa Butch’s memory card taped to the front of it. When I mentioned it, she teared up and said “Christmas just isn’t the same, is it Grandma? Actually, nothing is”. Now – she hasn’t said much at all until that, and I suddenly realized they have been holding back their own feelings, trying to spare me. So – we had a long talk, and I told her that she has been very brave girl – but – she has a right to mourn also, and we will all get through this together. In addition, My daughter is a nurse, and she works in long term care, so she has had to deal with those resident’s probelms along with this happening in our lives. I do tend to forget how bad they all feel in the midst of my own pain. I will try to be more aware from now on.
Yesterday when I got my hair trimmed, I talked to a girl who lost her Dad last January. She said she wanted to skip the first 3 years after he passed, to get past some of the pain! I know what she means – the freshness of our grief makes it hard to get past. Everything we do seems a bit “hollow”, but I intend to try to continue to live my normal life, day after day, and – someday – I hope we all feel some joy once again.
There is a snowstorm going on outside – we are getting up to 2 inches an hour. It is quite beautiful looking out the window. I have come home from work, and will finish the day working from here. If Butch were here with me, he would be making a fire in the fireplace, and I would make us some hot chocolate. Now – I can do the same thing – I know how to make a fire (actually, I made most of them!), and I can make myself some hot chocolate, but – it just isn’t the same, is it?Love – Joyce
Lainy,
Such great news – add me to the “happy for you” group! That cyberknife sounds like such a good thing. I hope You and Teddy have a great holiday.Joyce c
Carol,
I love that verse -so comforting. I, too, pray for a painless journey for Charlie. May God bless bless both of you. We are all so fortunate that our “CC” family is always here with us, to share our joys and our sorrows.Love – Joyce
Hello everyone,
Marion – I will certainly look into that group. How kind of you to share the info with us – thanks.Pauline – I would love to meet with you – I hope it will be possible.
Sue – I decorated my house also, although Christmas spirit is hare to come by this year. I hung all of Butch’s ornaments on a small tree – the golf ball that says “Grandpa”, the football Santa, the “HO-HO ball in one” golf ball, the mailtruck , etc. It made me cry, but, now – it is comforting. U also took my Grandchildren Christmas shopping, and last weekend I made Christams cookies with my daughter. It all feels a bit holllow, but I try to remember that this is what Butch wanted for me to do. I am going to buy tickets for my Daughter’s family and I to go see “A Christmas Carol at our local playhouse as part of their gift, also.
Last Friday was the worst day. The two month anniversary on the 9th was bad enough, but his birthday was on the 12th, and it really was the pits. I had a hard time working my way back up from that slump, but am much better as this week goes on.
I try to always remember that I was SO lucky to have Butch as as a husband. We had such a good marriage, and a good life together.
I hope you will always remember the happy times also, and that they will comfort you as we all move along on this sad journey.
Love,
Joyce
Butch was a HUGE diet pepsi drinker. After he retired, he sometimes drank 8 or 10 of those things a day, and he always drank a lot of it – that is very interesting. I have drank a few myself – not much anymore, though – think I will stick to tea!
Joyce C
Sophie,
I hate this awful CC, and I hate ascites, but – I know they can get it under control, and I believe they can get you back on track again. I will pray for you, and especially that you get to see that new Grandchild.Love – Joyce C
Heather,
Just a little note to say that I am thinking of You and Lee, and I will say a prayer for you – my best to both of you.Joyce C.
Hi Kris,
I don’t have anything to contribute medically, just wanted to say I am thinking about you and hope you solve this soon – and that it is easily solvable. I am sending a prayer your way.Joyce C.
Oh Charlene, I can feel your pain. It has been two months today that Butch left us, and Friday is his 67th birthday. On the 13th of November we were married 13 years. I am feeling so depressed myself today. So – I know how badly you feel, and it has only been two weeks for you. This is such a bad time of year to be going through this, although – there is no good time, I am sure. Remember that we are all here for you, and we will be thinking of you.
Love – Joyce
Hello Friends,
I am just dropping in to say hello. I tried to post on the faces of cc site, but got an error. I am waiting for Rick to tell me what went wrong. I hope you are all doing OK – I have caught up on all the postings, and wonder how Sue’s holiday went? Pauline, where in New York would you be? I am about 3 1/2 hours north of NYC – if that is where you would be going. It would be lovely if we could meet. Darla, it was SO cold here yesterday – only a dusting of snow, though. Tomorrow it is supposed to go back up to 40 degrees – go figure!
So far, cutting back on the anti-depressants has gone OK – I am on half the dose I was on before, and functioning OK (well – sort of OK!). I know what you mean aboyut the job, Pauline – I would love to tell Butch about the new project I am on at work – he was my cheering section, and without him, it seems a bit hollow.
Well – it’s time to get into my jammies and work on the prayer shawl I am making for my daughter – knitting is GREAT therapy, I find.Love – Joyce
