jclegg
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Dee,
I , too, am so sorry to read your posting. I hope that the pain is under control so that you can have this time together. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Lenny as you travel this oh-so-rough road.Joyce C.
Elaine,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad you and your family had the time with Gary at the end – I know how much that means. As others have said, we have the memories of our loved ones in our hearts, and one day we all be together again.
Joyce C.
Hello, Everyone,
It was difficult getting through last weekend, but I brought my granddaughters to my house for the weekend, and that helped. On Sunday, we dedicated the alter flowers to Butch, and we took them to the cemetary afterwards. The memorial went into the paper on Friday, and I thought it was quite nice – it is very difficult to know WHAT to say, but – I tried. The genealogy trip went well on Friday – it is about 1 1/2 hours to Cooperstown (yes – the baseball hall of town Cooperstown!), and the leaves were lovely. It was raingin lightly, but didn’t prevent our viewing the leaves (leaf-peeping we call it), and my friends were just wonderful. All in all, I think it went well.
I have joined the bell choir at my chucrc, and I really like it. I read music, having played piano a million years ago, but haven’t used this knowledge much lately, so – it is a challenge. Practice is fun – not sure about playing in public though! I am also thinking about tai chai – for exercise and for the mind – they have a seniors class for this, which might be a good thing – I am still thinking!
Last night my friends from the young widow’s group and I went to a little local play – “the way it was”. We enjoyed it and even laughed a bit. We have all lost our husbands recently, so – laughing is rare, and much sought after!
The leaves are almost done turning – today I go with my daughter’s family to a pumpkin farm – they have a farmer’s market, arts and crafts – stuff for the kids – a maze, haunted house, etc., and – of course – pumpkins for sale. It is very cold, but – we will dress warm and hope we don’t freeze. Frandpa used to do this with us each year, and he loved it – so – it is sad (we didn’t go last year either – another “first”), but we will remember him as we go.
You are right, Sue – we need to be greatful for what we have – we never know what tomorrow will bring, do we? I try to make that my philosophy now, and make these moments count. If there is one thing I learned from all of this, that is it. Good luck on the ski holiday – you are a brave soul, Sue – I play bells – you go sking – no comparison!!
I hope that you are all settling in, and preparing for the upcoming winter – except you, Janet – lucky you with summer coming around! Darla – i am arranging for the plow this week – it snowed a bit on Friday (UGH!).
Love – Joyce
Dear Sandy,
I am so sorry for the loss of your Brother, and how difficult this must have been for your family, particularly after having suffered the other losses in addition to this. You are right – this cancer hits and runs – it stuns us, I believe, the speed with which it moves. I pray for peace for you and your family.Joyce C.
Hello Group,
I know what you mean about the dreams – even though I dream about Butch once in a while, the dreams are very strange and surreal – and I DO somehow know that he has passed, even when I dream he is with me. The last dream that I had about him, we had gone on one of those bus trips, and he boarded the 1st bus to come home. I didn’t know, & the bus had left early – to go up ahead and get gas – and I tried to find him on the 2nd bus. Well – you get the idea. It was so symbolic, and I never saw him – just knew he was up ahead – on the 1st bus!I went out with my new friends last night, and I do enjoy that – it is nice to go out to dinner again, we used to – all the time – byt, I don’t care much for dining out alone, so I haven’t much. The weather here was beautiful yesterday – very warm, although we had a cold spell earlier in the week. The leaves are starting to turn, and it is lovely.
Today I must prepare the memorial for the paper on Friday. I have been thinking for a while what I want to say. Words are not adequate, are they?
I read all your posts, and think that we are coming along, all of us. Life will never be the same, but – we are moving along life’s pathway. I think of you all often, off in our separate corners of the world.
Love – Joyce
thanks fopr sharing, Marion – the article was very interesting. It has certainly been a long, hard year, but, thanks to my many friends here on the board, my new friends from the grievance group, and my family, I feel like I have been supported through all the trials and tribulations. Like you said, I still yearn for my old life, but, I am making my way to a new life, and I did worry if I would be able to do that! I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am normal, but I am a functioning member of society, so that is a start in the right direction!
Joyce
That is wonderful news, Sue – We all love (and need) to read good news – treatments that are working, people that are doing well, hopeful news. I am so happy for you.
Joyce C.
Pam,
I am thinking about you this weekend. I know how difficult it is. I made sure I kept a few favorite things, but – Butch had 36 pairs of shorts alone! Ninety some shirts, etc., etc. I did feel better when it was behind me, and I have many personal effects here with me – I have a “memory box” on his dresser, that I look through from time to time. Nothing is easy, is it? But – you are doing the right thing, doing this painful task – and this will be a help for your Dad.Joyce C.
Janet – It is Wednesday evening here – about 8:00. I was just watching the news, and they showed pictures – near Sydney – of the dust storm – it was red, they said! I had read this post earlier, so – I guess you are near there?? (I am ignorant of Austrailia geography, I am afraid!). Anyway, thought that was very interesting – the weather HAS been very strange this year, Darla is so right. I am so glad your meeting went well – this has been harrowing – filing taxes, etc.
Sue – I am waiting to see lowered gas bills from the new boiler – I am on the budget, so I have been paying an amount from the previous year – when Butch was home all day, and we had the old furnace. I am expecting a BIG credit, and much lower bill this year. I hope the same for you. I, too have been prepaing for winter. I bought some weather stripping for my garage doors, and expect to put it on next weekend – we are turning into quite the handy persons, all of us – aren’t we? I hope you and your Mom have a wonderful time in Spain – it sounds lovely.
It hasn’t rained here in many days, either, Darla – but it IS raining tonight – no dust storm, however.
Take care, everyone – Joyce
Hello Everyone,
Pauline – I think we are all dreading the winter months – my new friends included. We talked about it the other day – trying to plan things to keep the “walls from closing in” . I know you have booked yourself with work plans – I hope this is not a mistake – I find that I can only do so much now – and – I used to be a real “workaholic”! Now I find it a chore to have to work full time. For me – I think I would love to reduce my hours, BUT – that is not going so well right now. My whole outlook on that whole work thing has changed so much, I have a hard time adjusting.Janet – I hope the weekend went “OK” – we are just getting thru, aren’t we? From one event to the next, it seems. I enjoyed the play – and went to dinner with my new friends Friday night. Yesterday I went to my 11 year old grand-daughter’s roller skating birthday party, and her other Grand-Mother and I roller skated! We accomplished this by using these walker things – on wheels – that they have there – for young children to learn how to skate and for old people like us to hang onto! I am sure we were a sight, but the kids loved it anyway.
Darla – I can’t believe I am going to have to call the snow-plow guy pretty soon, to get ready for the winter! I mowed today, but soon the leaf-raking will start – I dread it – our house is in the woods, and there are MANY, MANY leaves to be raked. Well – at least I won’t have to wory about the heat – with that new furnace, I should be just fine!
Sue – I hope you are OK – I am trying to not be depressed – trying not to think about last year at this time too much, which, of course, is impossible. Part of me just can’t even believe that a whole year has gone by, and the other part of me thinks it has been like this forever!
Love – Joyce
Kris,
I love the name – it is from bad,bad Leroy brown, baddest you-know-what in the whole damn town? Very appropriate, I say!Joyce
Hi Cindy,
I am so glad to hear from you – it sounds like you are coming along – it has only been 5 months for you, after all, and the grief is still so fresh. Keep on moving forward and it will get a bit better – ups & downs, back and forth, but – a bit better. Somebody wrote a book a ways back – I don’t remember who wrote it – but I remember the name of the book – “10 minutes from Normal”. Well – that sounds like all of us – we are someplace alay from normal, and need to get back there!Love – Joyce
Hella Everybody,
Yes – these “ups & downs” are inexplicable – I do think,however, that the “ups” are higher than they used to be. I hope that is true for all of you – I am able to enjoy things a bit more that I was at first able to do. I am more observant of life around me also, I think. However, this makes the “downs” more noticeable to me! I do try to live my life differently now – Butch had a key chain – a pewter heart that says “Each day is a Gift from God”. I use it for my key chain now, and I try to live by that motto. Losing him has made me try to live for both of us – some days it is darn hard work, though!Janet – I am glad you had a good trip – and that your Sister is in remission, even though very ill. Hope your Son’s thumb is ghetting better – that sounds very painful.
I am going to see a play tonight at a little local play house – with my friends from the young widows group. It is SO nice to have something to look forward to doing with friends – it makes a huge difference in my weekend. In just a few minutes I am going to drive to the farmers market thaey hold each Saturday Morning – they sell wonderful homemade bread, cookies, pies there, in addition to fruits and vegetables and fresh flowers. it is quite nice, although a bit fattening!
Love – Joyce
Janet,
How terrible for us that , not only did this hideous cancer take our loved ones, but now we must relive it . It must have been so difficult for you, being a nurse and knowing what you did. I think I know a bit of how you felt, as I had to be quiet about my true feelings for quite a while, as I recognized what was going to happen far ahead od Butch – actually, right up until 3 weeks before he died, he was saying he was going to make it. He had had a dream – right after diagnosis – that he was going to live until age 80 – and he believed that God had told him that he would. It was so very difficult and sad. Isn’t it so hard to imagine that all this time has gone by? I like your description – “life as we knew it” did indeed stop last year. I have to give you a lot of credit – you are doing very, very well handling life now as it is handed to you. I hope it gets easier , for all of us, as time goes on. I think that these one-year memories are very difficult , but, I guess, part of the grieving process we must go through.Love – Joyce
