jmoneypenny
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Dear Jules,
I am crying in sympathy with you right now, having followed your father’s story and hoped against hope for the best for him. And I feel as you do, that I cannot imagine going on without my best friend – in my case, my mother. Your father will be sorely missed. It is just NOT RIGHT that this happens.I can’t say anything that doesn’t seem trite, but I want you to know that I’m grieving in some small part with you – and I hope you find the strength to get through this terrible time. Nothing right now will make the pain any duller, but you always have us on this board who know what you’re going through.
I wish you peace,
JoyceOh Lisa,
It’s so heartbreaking to hear your story – your dad is a lucky man to have you, as I’m sure he knows – and you’re lucky to have him, too. It’s so hard to prepare for the worst when there is still hope, so maybe you can just live in denial for a few days until the report comes back with results. That’s what I did when my mother had her biopsy – now I remember how horrible it was that they made us wait so long for results – it’s really inhuman! My mother was a nervous wreck, but I just kept thinking, “I don’t know for sure that this is cc yet, so I refuse to think about it or worry.” It was my own defense mechanism, I guess, and dealt with my life one day at a time. Everyone has their own methods that work for them, but that was mine.I’m so sorry his nausea and vomiting can’t be controlled – is he able to get a different nausea med? My mother had several – Kytril, Zofran and another one – and she alternated taking them. She never vomited, just felt queasy. And I had to buy her new clothes too – but BIGGER ones because her stomach was so swollen. I bought her maternity clothes and we got a big laugh out of that – she said she felt like she was having triplets. I hope you and your father get to have some laughter and good times together – I’m not telling you to give up hope! There is always hope, but like you said, you have to be prepared. Keep treasuring every minute with your father – I’m sure I don’t even have to say that – and just hope for the best until you hear what the docs have to say. Big hugs and best wishes go out to you and your dad-
Joyce
Lisa Ann,
I hope you had some positive news or at least some answers to your questions at the biopsy.
We’re all pulling for your dad, we’re here if you need us!
-Joyce
All my best wishes go out to you and Patty. I hope the surgery alleviates her symptoms – much luck!
-JoyceHi cdr,
If it’s any consolation (which I’m sure it isn’t), I don’t have cc and my four-year-old is sucking the life out of me!! I can’t even imagine how much worse YOUR situation is!
-JoyceHi lovemom,
I really feel for you and all you’re going through, as my healthy 64 year old mother just LIVED for her only grandchild, my daughter (age 4). We also got the runaround in NYC at NYU with one of their experts who had a terrible bedside manner – I think so many people go to these experts that they’re overwhelmed and they don’t give you the personalized care they should. I hope you get better service – and some answers – at Wake. I know I’ve seen a few posts here about Wake and they were positive, I think.
Sorry I can’t help with your specific questions – just wanted to say hi and let you know you have friends out there.
Much love and luck,
JoyceAmilcar wrote:Thanks for the words of encouragement Joyce.I am still very worried because he is so thin and weak that a minor infection could prove incredibly problematic. Hopefully with some rest from the chemo and the new diet he can regain some strength and march along for a little longer.
Sadly to say I don’ think he’s really putting a great fight and I wish he would be stronger. Maybe being a physician himself and having spent over 20 years studying cancer has left him with all the gloomy views and little optimism these diseases can bear on a person. Sometimes I wish he would be more accepting of other ideas, suggestions and even alternative approaches to his disease but he is so focused on the mechanics and the science that he is worn out.
In any case, the rest of us are rooting for him and will stay with him throughout this.
Again, thanks to everyone and best of luck to everyone.
Amilcar, I sympathize with your frustration regarding your father’s attitude, as I had the same feelings about my mother – but then I think about how it must feel to KNOW you’re going to die, I try to imagine the crushing weight of it, and I really can’t blame someone for being depressed and losing hope. As the loved ones, it’s our job to be the cheerleaders and advocates, but the job of the patient is to go over their mortality in their minds over and over. It must be very lonely – something you really can’t share with anyone. So I still say your father is putting up a great fight, because he’s hanging in there, he gave chemo a chance, and I’m sure he still has the will to live. Some people have wonderful optimistic attitudes no matter what is thrown at them, but they are the exception and they’re the lucky ones. Just feeling physically unwell all the time is enough to make you mentally miserable, but the bad prognosis on top of it is just devastating. I’m not saying that he’s going to die anytime soon, but just having the sentence hanging over your head, not knowing if you will make it through another year, must be crushing to the spirit.
No criticism of you is implied here! I felt the same exact way but when I put myself in my mother’s place, I realized how terrible she must feel and how helpless and hopeless. We never know how we are going to die and if we’ll face it bravely when it comes, but I believe the truth is that when the time comes we will all be afraid, even if it’s just at the very end. But as the caregivers, it’s devastating to see the mental havoc as well as the physical and we want so desperately to help. Maybe a therapist/clergyperson could help your father? Or someone else he can talk to?
Sorry for rambling – obviously I’ve been thinking about these things a lot lately.
-JoyceAmilcar,
Very glad to hear that your father’s disease doesn’t seem to be progressing – in spite of the bad news, most of it seemed very good to me. Sometimes the chemo CAN take too much out of a person so it was wise of your doctor to suggest a break. I hope your father recovers some of his strength and weight – I’ve followed your story and he is putting up a brave fight.
Much luck and love,
JoyceI’m sorry I’m not responding to Puggle’s post because I don’t have any intelligent answers! But Chris, I wanted to ask you about the live yogurt thing, as I just suggested to someone on this board that they try yogurt!!! It was suggested for my mother and it helped her eat something and helped her nausea, and since it was recommended by a nutritionist where she was getting chemo, I thought yogurt was safe. Was I given wrong information? Activia was the brand that was recommended – is it somehow different? I really hope I’m not giving horrible advice!!
-JoyceDear Lisa Ann,
My fingers are crossed that you’ll have promising results from the tests on your father. I think it’s the best thing to wait for the biopsy results — that’s what I insisted they do for my mother, as they also weren’t sure what she had and they made her go through a colonoscopy and other tests before they did a liver biopsy. At least a liver biopsy usually gives a definite diagnosis — so you won’t feel like you’re stumbling in the dark and you’ll finallly know exactly what you’re dealing with. Until then, much hope and support going your way!
-JoyceKaren,
You’re right – and Kate meant no offense. I have often heard (and said) that losing a child must be the worst pain, because they’re so much younger for one thing — but all of us here know that when you lose a loved one it doesn’t matter what their relation to you — we can’t compare and quantify because the heartbreak is the same. People think I should “get over” the loss of my mother because you’re supposed to outlive your parents, just as many women expect to outlive their husbands — but it doesn’t make the pain any less. It’s just more shocking when someone younger goes before you do, and that’s what Kate meant. I know Kate is a good egg!We ALL feel the anger and grief, and none of us is trying to diminish the importance of another’s suffering. When my stepfather died 4 years ago no one thought it was important either, because he wasn’t my biological father — but he was the best father in the world to me.
My condolences to you on the loss of your sister – someone else on this board lost a sister and it made me realize how much I should treasure mine. You’ve reminded me of that again and I needed that – because frankly she drives me crazy sometimes!! I’ll make sure to appreciate her more — thank you!
-Joyce
Dear Charlene,
I could never say it as well and as eloquently as Kris just did – so please know that she speaks for all of us! You have the strength of a thousand people just to have gotten this far, having gone through all this hardship. You are very brave and you deserve to have a good cry and a little time to just think of yourself for a change.You will get through this – let us know if we can help you in any way.
-Joyce
Great news, so glad for you!!! As for the pillow, try to get one of those body pillows that are really long – I had one when I was pregnant and named it “Pierce” for Pierce Brosnan, because I loved to sleep with it! Then I got one for my mother when she started having abdominal pain and she named it “Henry” and she could finally sleep comfortably once she had that pillow.
I don’t know about the blood pressure but I’m sure someone else here will know. Best of luck and congratulations!!
-Joyce
