missingwayne

Kim, I lost my husband to cc Feb. 17, 2010. It was the darkest day of my life, I have been going to grief counseling since June, I have found it very comforting. I discovered that I hold everything in, I always did this when my children were small, I couldn’t talk about his illnesses in front him, I didn’t want him depressed and the children were to young to understand. So I kept a wall around me and no one was let in. I did this since 1985 the first time he was ill, up to 2-17-10. With my counselor I feel like I can talk to her about everything, it seems like I share more of me with her every week. I told her this week that my son is sick, she asked how long I had known, she thought it was something I just found out about, but I have known for nearly a year and a half. It was inside that wall I have built up around me. I also keep a journal, I only started this a few months ago, I share some of the entries with her. I believe in couseling 100%, this is the first time I’ve ever been, sometimes I wish I could go more often, I usually feel so much better afterward. By the time I go for another visit I’m usually feeling low again. Let us know how it goes.

Terry

My husband had the fluid build up. He had it drained about four times. The first time they took off 10 liters he lost 24 lbs., while he was in the hospital they took off 16 liters and he lost 40 lbs. Then they put in a stent so when he went home, I could drain it. Wayne had been on coumadine 7.5 mg. for 10 years after his open heart surgery. They switched him to Lovenox while taking chemo. His first tumor marker was 5,000. After a few treatments it did go down to 900. Then he started to throw up blood. That was the beginning of the end, on Feb. 17th 2010 at 4:27, God took him away from me. In two days it will be a year.

I LOVE WAYNE, Terry

My beloved Wayne went to Heaven on Feb. 17, 2010 from cc. It has been a very difficult year, then my Mom went to Heaven on Nov. 21, 2010. People think I should be over it. This has been a devastating year, I was his care-giver for the last 22 years, he got hurt at work in 1988. It my become easier with time, but I will never be over it. I’m still going to counseling every week, thank God.

Terry

Lanne, next week will be one year since my Wayne went to Jesus. He didn’t have the fluid in his lung but in his abdomine, the first time they drained they took off 9 liters, he lost 24 lbs. While he was in the hospital they took off 16 liters he lost 40 lbs. Two weeks later they put a stint in, so it could be drained easier, and I could do it when he goes home. That never happened the monster cc got him on Feb 17, 2010. He could breath so much better after they drained.
Terry

Pam, this is a wonderful website, like the others say, it explains things that even the people who are not going through great loss, they can get a peek.

Thanks,

Terry

Lost husband Wayne 2-17-10 to cc, and mother 11-21-10

Hi Y’all,

When we went to the onc he never mentioned anything about the end of life, or much more about anything. My husband had gone through many illnesses sarcoidosis, ganegreen, above knee amputation, blood clot in lung, open heart surgery, blood clot in kidney, then to top it all off CC. Every doctor we had with all the other illnesses were honest with us. We found out July, 2009, he started treatment in Sept., 2009. He had chemo every two weeks, in Nov., 2009 he started to have to have blood transfusions. In Jan. 2010 he woke up throwing up blood, and he had a huge bruise about 12 inch square on his side. So I take him to the hospital, then three days in ICU, he then was transferred to ONC floor. About two weeks later I asked the doctor what stage was it, he told me it was stage four when we found it six months ago. Thanks for telling us. Then I asked him how long, he said six months, two days later three months. Then a couple of days longer another doctor came in and said we needed to move to hospice, he lived one day. I feel like we were robbed by not having any idea. We together with some wonderful doctors had conquered other diseases. I am still waiting for him to come home from the hospital. I told my couselor the other day I feel like he was in a accident and waiting for him, not much has changed in the house, it is waiting for him to come home also. She said maybe it is time to make it my house. If the doctor had only been honest.

I’m still and always will be Wayne’s wife.

Everyone, I understand about thinking you’ve majored in medicine. My husband was sick for the last 25 years, I was caregiver. Yes, I put iv’s in, I changed bandages on his infected leg the nurses were scared to touch. This job was robbed from me on Feb. 17, 2010, I was caregiver and wife then the next moment I felt like I was nothing. Wayne had 10 litters of fluid taken off one time and 16 litters another time all out patient. Blood transfusions were on a weekly basis. I would do it all over again in a heart beat if I could bring him back, and he had no pain. This man lived with constant pain for 22 years hurt at work, ganegreen, amputation, blood clot in lung, sarcoidoisis, open heart surgery, blood clot in kidney, then to top it all off cc. He very seldom complained about hurting, he took very little pain medication. I would be glad to be able to do it again, because now I’m alone, my Mom passed away last week. I found a note I wrote to him a couple of months ago in it I state; You have gone off to see Jesus I have been left to pick up the pieces. How do I do this, after so many years of we, there is no I in we. People say they understand because they have lost someone dear, but unless it was your soulmate the person you were to grow old together you could never understand. I just hope this month passes by very fast.

Terry