rosehi
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Hi, Lainy, Marion and Pam –
Well, 2012 will be an adventure – I have a re-occurrence of a lung infection and just started back on medication the week before Christmas – I was treated for this in 2001 and was considered in remission until a chest x-ray a couple of months ago indicated that the infection was again active – so will be on medication for at least one year – then my dog had to go on steroids and antibiotics as well as a hypoallergenic dog food because he has all the symptoms of an, as yet, undetermined allergy – so he’ll have to have allergy testing as well!
Seems I’ll be seeing a lot of doctors this coming year!
Take care of yourselves –
Hi, Lainy –
I didn’t realize how hard the first holiday without my dad would be –
I think I’ll be OK for Christmas and New Year’s – what I’m dreading is my dad’s birthday in January – my brother and son are also born in January so we always celebrated the three birthdays with one big party – that’s going to be hard!
Lainy – I read your post about getting in your car and driving –
For a year after my mother passed away, every time I got into the car to drive to work or when I drove home from work, the tears would just flow! – as soon as I arrived at work or home, I wiped my face and went on with my day (or night) – my car was a private sanctuary where I could let go and then re-group –
So I hope you can find a time/place where you can get some relief – even a warm soak in the tub helps!
To nancy –
I think every situation is different – thankfully, although my dad’s bile duct cancer was considered terminal by the time he was diagnosed, he surprisingly had little pain – however, it was a relief to have the “comfort kit” of medication at home that was prescribed by the hospice doctor
And mn – I am so happy that you now have palliative care for your mother – I was reading your previous posts and wondering what you had decided to do –
My thoughts and prayers are with you – I know how hard it is
Kim – You raised a good point – I hope that the experience makes us more conscious of doing what is necessary to protect/enchance our health and encourage loved ones to do the same – like many of you, I want to be a healthy presence in my children’s (and hopefully grandchildren’s) lives
Some of you have mentioned taking action to deal with your own medical/health concerns – I found that it took the same amount of energy to deal with it as I did worrying and wondering whether I had a problem – it was such a relief when my doctor reviewed everything and assured me that he didn’t see any problem!
Hi Lainy –
Yup – my dad was small and quiet but he’s left such big holes in our lives
And lo and behold – yesterday I went to the mailbox and there’s a jury questionnaire for my dad! It’s so strange
Hi Jen –
Just stopped by to check in – your dad and mine passed at about the same time and I didn’t expect it but also found it more difficult after dad’s one month anniversary –
Finally gathered myself up and went to the columbarium last week to see my mom and dad – had kept thinking I should go but just couldn’t bear to do it – but when I finally went, it wasn’t that bad – I know they’re happy to be back together again – it’s just hard on us that are left behind
Hi all!
Got through the 24th OK but I kind of fell apart the following week –
Uncanny though – the house has started falling apart – the drain stopped up last week and the plumber had a hard time clearing it – then this past weekend, water started leaking down the wall so the plumber came in today to start a major overhaul of the plumbing in the house – seems like the house knows my dad is no longer around!
Thanks – both of you have been super!
Tomorrow will be a month since Dad passed – it’s been such a loooong month
Have been trying to get back to some semblance of “normal” although I’m not quite sure what that is anymore – I guess you just have to keep yourself open to whatever each day brings!
It’s been weird – I saw the funeral notice in the Sunday paper for a friend who has been undergoing cancer treatment since last spring – so, I’ll be going to another funeral tomorrow –
As hard as it was for my Dad to let go, I can’t imagine what it was like for her – her #1 priority had always been to take care of her handicapped son – so terribly sad
Hi, Jen –
Actually I’ve been sleeping better since we had Dad’s service – I didn’t realize how stressed I was with all the preparations and the anxiety about everything going well
I’ve been working on the family photo albums and it brings up a lot of good memories of my Dad – I also pulled out my collection of CDs and the music is calming
Kealii Reichel is a chanter, singer and kumu hula (teacher of hula). A couple of years ago, he put out a CD which he dedicated to his grandmother who had passed away. When I took the CD out, this is on the inside of the case.
Look inside my heart
And you will find a secret place reserved for you and you aloneLook inside my soul
And you will feel my love washing in waves over every moment of our sharingLook inside my thoughts
And you will see silver stars dancing our names across the heavensLook inside my life
And you will know that love has etched your name on my very soulHi, Jen –
We had Dad’s funeral service today – it was good to see relatives we haven’t seen for a while – one of my cousins told me that she still remembers the time she helped my dad make ice cream – it was wonderful to hear that!
It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon when we took Dad’s urn to Punchbowl and placed him in the niche with Mom — they’ll never be apart again —
I hope you’re feeling better — take care
Dear Jen –
Thank you for sharing — like you, we’ve been absorbed in preparing for Dad’s funeral this Friday —
Yesterday we sat down with our aunt, uncle and cousin to go over the eulogy our cousin will be giving at the funeral — although this uncle is actually my dad’s brother-in-law, he always respected my father and as he talked, my brother and I learned some things about my dad – it helped us to hear him reminisce and I know it helped my uncle too
As each day passes, it gets closer to dad’s service and I am dreading the finality of it — I know it’s supposed to give one closure but I don’t think so –it’s just one more step in the process
Hi, Lainy and Susan –
When we brought Dad home, the hospice nurse case manager said that we might notice what she called a “1000 yard stare” and often, I would see that as Dad would gaze out at the garden or through the sliding glass door of his room to the street outside. It was almost as if he was storing it all away.
At first, it hurt that he seemed to be distancing himself from us but I think during those weeks, it was a natural process of slowly separating from life. Yet, there were times that he recognized and was happy to see relatives and surprisingly, the nurse’s aide who came several times a week. So we enjoyed the moments when he was “present” and just sat with him when he was “distant” and both were good.
This has just made me realize how precious every day is and to enjoy the good times and not to sweat the small stuff —
Hello –
Thank you all –
We will be holding a Buddhist funeral service for Dad this Friday and the Bishop asked us to meet with him today to go over the ceremony — neither my brother or I are Buddhists but it was very comforting to talk to him.
He explained that for 49 days, the spirit remains, essentially to make amends for any regretted actions, thoughts, etc. A service is done shortly before or by the 49th day after someone passes so the spirit can then depart.
My sister-in-law then asked if Dad was still in the house. Although she makes sure to close Dad’s bedroom door, several times at night, the door has opened although there is no breeze blowing.
So while we had originally not thought of holding the 49-day service, now that we understand the reason for it, we have a new perspective. If it will help, I’m all for it.
Every day is a little journey and I learn something. There’s a long way to go but at least I can look back and see how many steps I’ve taken.
