teresa

Betty, our prayers and thoughts are winging their way to Joni and staci and may they find love and peace in the future xxxxxxxx

Hya all I feel so sorry for all of us on this marvellous site.
Most of you know by now (see rememberance) that alan had an almost identical situation to your dad, Vivian. It is I feel completely unexpected for all of us.
I have also thought that alan was so fit that he must have missed some sort of warning signs. I now have all of his records including all of the x-rays and am slowly reading everything. In his whole life he only ever had chicken pox and the mumps and a few stitches taken out. I have read about links to watercress and alan loved this even as a child. He travelled greatly and I thought maybe he had eaten some whilst he was abroad somewhere. I have been clutching at anything that could help me to understand what happened.
I am still in shock and feel so fazed on a daily basis even though it is one year on the 30th of this month. I sometimes feel he is still on one of his travels and expect him to walk through the door and tell us what a great time he has had. His girlfriend is also struggling and is feeling so lonely without him.
When he knew he was going to die he told me that in the future I must imagine him sat on a beach reading his book and listening to the sound of the sea. This is what he loved to do whilst on his travels. I hope and pray for all of us that the pains of our losses will heal with time. Teresa

Hya Sara I read your post and could not stop the tears, this cc is so awful.
And I have outlived my son.
I am still grieving for my son alan. The pain is something I have never experienced before and more recently I now feel as if I am in shock. I feel so numb and my body is so tired. Some days are slightly better and others take me back to one year ago.
Alans story is so familiar to yours in as much as one moment he was working, happy and planning his next long trip abroad with his friends and the next he was so ill.
I felt absolutely helpless, I begged him to go privately and pay. Alan had never been ill in his life and had faith that the doctors knew what they were doing.
Our experience in the U.K. was that scanning machines appear to be almost non existant. Also when it appears someone is so very ill there is no hurry to get a diagnosis it is all about waiting in queues. In the end we managed to get scans done quicker because of not what we knew but who we knew. One of the nurses told me if I had not taken him to the hospital myself he would have passed away at home.
Within 8 weeks he was gone from being a working non smoking, non drinking, active fit sport fanatic to dying in his sleep at home with me. I am not sure if there were errors made by our local G.P.or one of our most famous hospitals BUT I do know they appeared not to have a clue about what was happening to Alan, or they were not telling us the whole story.
Our local hospice were fantastic with alan and came to our home to visit him and they have been marvellous to me. I know I will never be the same again, but I have now realised every day must be lived as if it were my last. Whether it is a tearful day or a day for me to try and do something to honour the legacy of my sons life on this earth.

On all levels alan has left us with so much.
Everything was all neat and tidy, this is how he was in his life. There are albums full of pictures from when he was a young boy and all of his adventures. They all have the dates and countries noted on the back. The tears are so near to the surface daily but the pain does ease very slowly. I know that one day it will seem as if the sun will shine again and I will be able to smile at some of the things that alan has done.
Sarah I hope and pray that one day you will find peace XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hya LaineyA
This is the first time I have read of anyone else having a first symptom of tendonitis in the shoulder.
My son (alan) see rememberance first visited our doctor as he had pain in the shoulder blade area. He was given pain killers and was told he had a torn/ pulled muscle. He told me he knew it was more than that as he had torn muscles in the past.
He felt that as he was an extremely fit young man the medical people did not listen to what he was telling them.
However his mets were on both lobes of the liver.
I hope and pray that your spots will be eliminated by the chemo and all goes well for you and yours.
Alans mom

Hya Carolann it is 5.43/pm thursday now.
Good luck to you and your mom tomorrow for stent insertion.
Hopefully your mom will not feel too bad.
You will feel dazed and numbed by all of these things at the moment.
However, if need be personally I would either speak to docs over the weekend and find out as much as possible.
OR E-MAIL, FAX or telephone the number given for prof lodge etc.
Whilst I know most doctors are quite quick many in this country are not informed enough concerning this type of cancer and tend to take too much time.
There is no harm in making enquiries and having more information and more options.

Every little helps and please make use of all of us on this site as there are some marvellous stories. love and light Teresa

Hya Bernie
I hope and pray that your mom is not in too much pain.
I found your mail so moving as we had many similarities.

I admire both you and joyce for your articles as I have been afraid to write in such detail about our journey. (Alans mom see remembrance)
We live in england and had a horrendous time with alan.
Alan was still at work in feb 2006 but our doctors did nothing and I took him in to hospital myself in the end. On March 1st 2006 alan was told he had 6 months to live.

On the 2nd march alan and myself were told there was virtually nothing to be done but they would try some chemo for about 6 weeks if this did not work it would be stopped. We finally got to oncology unit beginning of April and he passed away on the 30th of April.without any treatment. He asked if I would look after him to the end which I did and our local hospice (st Marys Hospice selly oak birmingham england )were magnificent in helping me on a daily basis.
Like Joyce, alan was still going out with his mates, he even managed to go to spain to see Rossie at the motorbike racing in march although he could not eat much and if he did it came straight back up. He organised the trip for himself and two of his friends, flew to portugal and he drove into spain. He was still going to do his banking etc until about a week before when he got an infection in his stent.

However, I keep repeating please everyone get second, third even fourth opinions.
Do not accept everything at face value.

I have had to pay approx

I am so sorry.
I have felt so much for you whilst reading of your mom’s struggle.
You were able to hold her hand and help with her peace.
Our prayers are with you.
You are not alone, my alan passed away within 8 weeks so very peacefully.

It is so intense and frustrating as we travel this road and I hope that one day
we will all be able to walk a little easier along the the path.

GOD BLESS YOU. XXXXXX

Hya Terri- I know how you have felt and are feeling. xxxxxxx
lots of thoughts and prayers are being said for you and yours.

As Alans mom (see remembrance) I also believe it is the hardest thing I have ever been through or will in time to come.
I think all of us on this site hope and pray that a cure will soon come to light. Even a more rigorous campaign and research programme highlighting this terrible type of cancer would be a step in the right direction.
one of the things alan asked for us to do before his death was to raise as much money as we could for our local hospice, even though he did not go in. The hospice came to us on a daily basis and left telephone numbers for day and night if we were in need. They were magnificent.
From his funeral we raised