tiapatty

Askthiru,

I am sorry for your loss and for the suffering your father endured. It is strange that you mention Western medicine because lately I have been researching non-Western medicine and wondering if Western medicine is missing something in its focus. I plan to post about it so please keep coming back, our discussions are important to furthering understanding of this disease.

Patty

To Hans and family,

I am so sorry, she was yours and ours for a while, how lucky we were.

I found a poem a few weeks ago that made me think of Kris and her cottage and her love of flowers. I hoped I would never have to post it as that would mean she was gone, here it is along with some others that make me think of her.

Paradise –
I see flowers
from the cottage where I lie.
~Yaitsu’s death poem, 1807

And then I think of one who in her youthful beauty died,
The fair, meek blossom that grew up and faded by my side:
In the cold moist earth we laid her, when the forest cast the leaf,
And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief:
Yet not unmeet it was that one, like that young friend of ours,
So gentle and so beautiful, should perish with the flowers.
~ from The Death of the Flowers, William Cullen Bryant

Dream Land
by Christina Rossetti

Where sunless rivers weep
Their waves into the deep,
She sleeps a charmed sleep:
Awake her not.
Led by a single star,
She came from very far
To seek where shadows are
Her pleasant lot.

She left the rosy morn,
She left the fields of corn,
For twilight cold and lorn
And water springs.
Through sleep, as through a veil,
She sees the sky look pale,
And hears the nightingale
That sadly sings.

Rest, rest, a perfect rest
Shed over brow and breast;
Her face is toward the west,
The purple land.
She cannot see the grain
Ripening on hill and plain;
She cannot feel the rain
Upon her hand.

Rest, rest, for evermore
Upon a mossy shore;
Rest, rest at the heart’s core
Till time shall cease:
Sleep that no pain shall wake;
Night that no morn shall break
Till joy shall overtake
Her perfect peace.

Welcome to our little corner of the world. Are they offering your mom any treatment at all? Where are you located?

Patty

Michael,

Welcome to our little family here. A grandparent relationship is very special and you and your grandmother were lucky to be so close.

After my mom died I also experienced more panic attacks and my general anxiety level is definitely increased. My mother’s illness and death made me realize how little control I have over my life and that is enough to make one uneasy and feel that the future really is a very uncertain concept.

There are some things that help me–walking, playing with my nieces and nephews, even shoveling snow has helped me recently as it is a mindless activity with a satisfying result.

I did a cursory search and this website seems pretty helpful and comprehensive and even talks about writing about your grief:

http://www.squidoo.com/coping

I have also recommended this book before and since you are a writer it might speak to you:

http://www.worldcat.org/title/mourning-diary-october-26-1977-september-15-1979/oclc/526809468&referer=brief_results

Patty

p.s. You are a very good writer!

little tree
e.e. cummings

little tree
little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower

who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see i will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly

i will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don’t be afraid

look the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,

put up your little arms
and i’ll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won’t be a single place dark or unhappy

then when you’re quite dressed
you’ll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they’ll stare!
oh but you’ll be very proud

and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we’ll dance and sing
“Noel Noel”

Source: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=176724

Kris,

Here is hoping Leroy gets good and uncomfortable and finds it all too hot to handle! When you are done there you can come to Chicago and we can freeze him out just to cover all the bases! It sounds like you will have a German kind of Christmas, hope you and Hans are able to enjoy it in the midst of all this.

Patty

Bob,

Well, you are certainly adept at multitasking! Congratulations, grandpa!

Patty