Ask Dr. Giles: I’m angry at my mom’s doctor for not finding this earlier

Belinda writes:

My mother was going to her doctor for two years she was telling her how bad her stomache hurt, she lost 18lbs could hardly eat the pain was so bad, this christmas she blacked out and couldnt breath,at the hospital they found 15 tumors in her liver and told her she had cancer, maybe 2-8months to live I am so mad at her doctor for not doing anything for her sooner, how could you miss something as all those tumors you could feel them, my mom doctor for two years told her there was nothing there but gave her pain medince and sent her home. me and my brothers and sisters are so angry, she is my best friend

I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s illness. It is a shock to find out a loved one has a serious disease–and scary when that loved one is your best friend. It is normal to look for something–or someone–to blame. It’s part of how we attempt to regain control of a situation that feels out of control: we look for reasons and answers. Be careful, however, about spending too much time on the anger toward the doctor. Some of your brothers and sisters may choose to dwell on the anger they feel, but I hope you do not. The anger will not help you feel better. Reaching out to your mother, caring for her, and making good memories together will be what helps you feel better. Your heart and mind will have more peace if you focus on what can be done now rather than on what should have been done in the past.

Please know that all of us here at the Cholangioncarcinoma Foundation will be pulling for you and your family.