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Jane, I am so sorry about your sister. I lost my daddy in January after 18 months of battling this horrible disease. I miss him so every day. Your words are so true, so often we take things, life, people for granted. We are not promised anything. One thing I am grateful for, if anything from this horrible disease, is that we were able to show and tell daddy just how much we loved him. My girlfriend lost her husband in a car accident in December and just like that he was gone. I am thankful for having time to tell my daddy how wonderful a daddy he was and always will be to me.
My heart breaks for you, your family and everyone on this site who come here to share grief……..I am so thankful for each of you. People say they understand how I feel, but you guys truly do. Thank you for that.Smiles through tears,
PatsyCyndi – My heart breaks for you – I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words I can say that seem adequate. I lost my daddy in January to this horrible disease, but to lose your soulmate of 30 years. Hold tight all the special memories, big and small. I want to share a poem that has helped me so much since I lost my Daddy – I hope it brings some comfort to you. Hugs and prayer for peace. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.
He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.Dearest Barbara – Please know that I am thinking and praying for you and your family during this time. You will always miss your one and only Daddy, but he fought such a brave fight – please know that. From one Daddy’s girl to another, my heart aches for you as you face the days ahead. Please remember all the precious, happy moments you shared with your Daddy. I also want to pass on a poem that has comforted me so much since my Daddy died January 14. If you need anything, please e-mail me…..
Love,
PatsyHe is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.Ashlea – I lost my Daddy January 14 of this year and I live 1/4 of a mile from him. Everyday I would stop after work, take him dinner, sit with him while he ate and then toward the end, I was there all day every day. Either way, I think we all felt/feel the pre-grieving….the Tim McGuire song, Live like you were dying – gets me every time….still does. So does Vince Gill’s version of Go rest high on that mountain. I think it is good Ashlea that you let yourself have those long cries……and yes, it will be the most difficult thing you will ever have to do. I still turn in at my Daddy’s every day and sit – now, 2 1/2 months later, it is getting a little better – but days I still just cry, cry, cry. My heart goes out to you – enjoy every moment that you have with your one and only Daddy…….
Smiles through tears,
PatsyWelcome Lisa, I will echo the others and say we are sorry you found us, but you are in good company. My friends on this site have helped me tremendously. Feel free to ask questions, vent or just visit. We are all here for each other. Your family will be in our prayers.
Smiles through tears,
PatsyBarbara – I am so glad your dad was able to get some relief!!! Hang in there girl and take in every moment!!! I am so proud of you and I know your dad is too!! Know that we are thinking of you during this time!!!
Lots of love your way!!
Smiles through tears,
PatsyTess – my heart goes out to you as I read your post with tears flowing down my cheeks. I totally get it – I lost my Daddy on January 14 of this year and I still turn into his house and park before I realize, What are you doing??? I have always been a Daddy’s girl, talking to him daily, taking him meals, visiting, but when Daddy was diagnosed with cc 16 months ago, the role changed and I became caregiver. Like you, I went to all the appointments, had the conversations with the doctors, made sure he had what he needed, and now……what am I suppose to do with myself? I will tell you this, I keep myself very busy – not that I am doing anything constructive – I am in a major fog and totally screw up everything – but I am busy. Now when I go to my Daddy’s, I am able to sit on the swing and remember the sweet, sweet memories – not those tragic last months. So Tess, it does get better, it will get better. Just know that what you are feeling right now – you just have to feel it and live it to get through it. I do believe though, my Daddy is my guardian angel – I feel his presence so close sometimes, I can feel his hand on my shoulder. He took care of me here on this Earth and he continues to take care of me now. I want to share a poem with you that I read daily, sometimes every hour and it helps me immensely. Please know that I am praying for peace and comfort for you…..Coming to this site has been my life-saver during the last 2 months. I have posted more since my Daddy passed away than I did when he was sick. Knowing that others understand my pain and my Daddy’s pain is very comforting.
He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.Tess, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your one and only daddy. Please find comfort that now this dreadful disease will not harm him anymore and he is resting, until you meet him again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.
Smiles through tears,
PatsyCarol – what wonderful news! God is an awesome God!!! I hope the good days are many more to come!
Smiles through tears,
PatsyBarbara – my Daddy had his first paracentesis done the first week of December. His belly was very extended, he could only lay flat and breathe comfortably and it was if it happenend over night! When he sat up to eat, the food/drink would come right back up. They did an ultra sound to determine where the fluid was….draining does work – it gives RELIEF – however, it did come back very rapidly – after the first tap they took out 11.5 liters of fluid, 3 weeks later he had another tap and they took off 9 liters….but that didn’t matter how quickly it came back, it gave him some relief where he could breathe more comfortably and was able to sit up and eat/drink. I would ask for another opinion, if they are unable to perform a paracentesis/tap, I think they could give him some type of pill to help with the fluid……I am not sure on this, but I think I remember them talking with my Daddy about that.
I hope this info helps, these were the circumstances with my Daddy – the fluid did come back more rapidly, BUT it offered relief, even if temporary, at the time.
Hang in there!
Smiles through tears,
PatsyI am sending good luck vibes to you!! Please keep us posted and know that we are praying for you also!!
Smiles through tears,
PatsyDear Grace – I am so, so sorry about your father. I lost my daddy January 14 of this year and he was 73. You are right about writing it down, it does help! That is why this site has been my life saver for the last 2 months. Everyone here has been so supportive and comforting when I needed it the most. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. Take care of yourself and remember all the special memories you and your daddy shared (they are so special between a daddy and his daughter)
Smiles through tears,
PatsyMichelle – welcome, so sorry you found us under the circumstances, but you are in the right place for support. My dad was diagnosed when he was 71 also and I am a teacher too! (small world huh?) Please know that you will find a wealth of knowledge of this site along with friendship that will get you through the days ahead.
Hoping to hear from you soon!Smiles through tears,
PatsyBarbara- you are not an awful mom or anything! Do you think maybe the way your son is reacting is his coping mechanism as to what is happening to his Grandpa? We all deal with situations so differently – children are very in tune with their parents emotions……I like all the ideas above – especially ones that deal with including time with your dad…..maybe take the cake and ice cream there with a dvd or game? Make memories for his 10th birthday and YES, please take time for yourself – even if it is just a walk. Even though I walked and cried every afternoon, when I went back in to deal with all that was happening I felt better. We are thinking of you and sending peace and prayers your way!!
Smiles through tears,
PatsyPam – I agree with the others – this is normal…..I never know what is going to “set me off” since my Daddy passed in January. It can be a song, a food I cook or even eat, the other night a commercial reminded me of him and I lost it. I eat fruit and all I can think about is my Daddy and his love for fresh fruit, then I think, will it always be like this. I do want the happy memories, but not gut wrenching crying jags that I have……….
Just know that we are here for you,cry and cry again for your mom. My hugs and prayers go out to you during this time.Smiles through tears,
Patsy
