fairydrop
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I know what you mean about the anger part. John is so sick and we’ve really had a LOT of things (bad) happen in my immediate family in the last 2 weeks I just blew up.
It suprised me that I had so much anger going on. I went on a rampage!
All the fear, anger, anguish and just all the bulls__t that was happening just poured out. Tell you what though I feel cleaned out by telling my family that I had more than enough to handle and by God they better back off and grow up.I say TELL THEM! I don’t care if they want to try and be upbeat. Tell them to read your post. You have the right to talk. You have the right to be held and soothed. You have the right to be ANY WAY YOU NEED TO BE !!!
With lots of love, hugs and prayers,
CharleneI know what you mean about the anger part. John is so sick and we’ve really had a LOT of things (bad) happen in my immediate family in the last 2 weeks I just blew up.
It suprised me that I had so much anger going on. I went on a rampage!
All the fear, anger, anguish and just all the bulls__t that was happening just poured out. Tell you what though I feel cleaned out by telling my family that I had more than enough to handle and by God they better back off and grow up.I say TELL THEM! I don’t care if they want to try and be upbeat. Tell them to read your post. You have the right to talk. You have the right to be held and soothed. You have the right to be ANY WAY YOU NEED TO BE !!!
With lots of love, hugs and prayers,
CharleneThank you, thank you, I live in San Francisco. We live with his Mom who is 89 and I’m trying to care for her too.
I really am losing what mind I have left.
God bless you,
CharleneThank you all. I know I couldn’t have done this without each and everyone who has written with advice, sympathy, empathy and your wonderful prayers.
I will keep you updated as we go along our final journey.
We went to a family reunion last week that my cousin had thrown together just for John.
He wasn’t able to do much at all but he was surrounded by everyone who loves him and was so very happy just to lay and hear us tell stories and laugh.I love him so much and don’t know what I will do when he is gone but I know my family and you all will be there to help me through it, I thank God for each and everyone of you.
Much love to you all,
CharleneThank you all for your great suggestions. I’m going to do it tomorrow on my day off.
Thanks again, I wouldn’t be able to cope without you all.
Lots of hugs and love to all,
CharleneI am sooooooo happy for you!!!! Get some rest and email when you are able.
We are your newest family members and are here for you 24/7
God Bless you,
CharleneHi Debrah,
Vent away my dear. I know how you’re feeling. I think your family may be afraid that if they talk about it, it will be real then.
You need a big hug ((((DEB)))). We are here for you anytime.
My husband John has cc and he doesn’t want to talk about it for the reason stated above. I NEED to talk about it so I can fight it more effectively.If you want to talk you can email me and I’ll be here for you. I check my email everyday and I will be happy to be your sounding board.
I know the fear you’re feeling…the hope that it’s not come back…and feeling all alone.
As to your children, is your husband a good Dad? He’ll be there for them as well as grandparents and any other family…including you.
If it doesn’t go well you will be there in spirit, I truely believe that. Love never ends. My Mom passed years ago and and I can still feel her around me.
Well that’s enough from me. Hoping to hear from you soon.
God Bless and keep you in his arms,
CharleneWell we were told by the oncologist that there will be no further treatments.
She feels that the quality of life is more important than the quantity and that Johns tumors are not being helped by chemo. he is having horrible pain with the chemo, his bili is rising and he’s losing weight like water over a waterfall.
He’s wasting away before my eyes.
I don’t know what else to say.
CharleneAlice,
My heart is breaking for you both. My husband John has had the same news from his oncologist two days ago.
I know how you are feeling right now, you want to do anything to keep him with you. I felt the same way until today.
I was looking at John and could see him failing before my very eyes. I don’t want to have him die this way.
Your husbands body is telling him it’s time. I know he’s afraid but I believe,
God will be there waiting for our husbands and don’t worry he may not be there in person but God will make sure he sees his Grandkids grow up.I too don’t know how I can live without my husband. I’ll pray for you this evening. Just hold him and comfort him as much as you can. Let him know you are there and how much you love him and you’ll never leave him.
I pray God takes him easily and peacefully.
Charlene
OMG My heart is breaking for you! I am sending you my thoughts and prayers that God helps to heal your pain.
You will always miss her but please believe me she knows how much you love and miss her. If she could she would hold you in her arms and tell you that she’s ok and finally out of pain. She would tell you that she’ll see you again when the time comes.
I’m a mother so I know what I am talking about!!!
You hang in there and know that we feel your pain and are here for you.
Love to you,
CharleneThanks so much for your prayers. I pray for you all everynight too.
I really hope there is good news with the ct scan but John is fading away and I want you all to know that I watched my Mom die from cancer so that is why I am praying for no pain.I watched that movie the other day “P.S. I Love You” and that is the type of love I have for my husband. I want only that he not suffer!
Believe me, I still pray that God heal him every night, only now I add the words That if God decides to take him do it as painlessly as possible.Yes I am at the bottom of the barrel as far as hope goes. I am tired and sad and everything else that goes with cancer.
I went to spend 4 days with my daughter and grandson because he graduated high school and as happy as that should have been, I felt totally disconnected to my family. Their life is happy and looking forward to new things, ( as it should be ) but all I can see is an empty house and sadness and lonliness in my future. John is their step father so they have a different way of thinking of him.
They are more concerned with me but they can never really know the utter
anguish and pain I am going through.Well I’ve run on long enough. I thank each and everyone of you who pray for us. I love you all as family.
God bless and heal us all,
CharleneHi again,
I’m glad Jeff got back to me but John was confused. I checked his blood work the other day and his platelet count was LOW not high.It’s so hard to keep track of this chemo because I have to work. I have set up an email system with his Dr now so she can talk to me about each session.
His tumors were shrinking but he’s been, ( in the last few days ), having more pain not less. I’m waiting for the Dr to get back to me on what can be causing it. He just had his fifth chemo session and after the next one he’ll have another ct scan. I’m very nervous. He’s losing weight again, his skin is starting to hang on him. He’s eating but just like my Mom toward the end the cancer took all the food and left her nothing.
I do want you all to know I am doing better mentally even tho I think John is losing the battle. I’ve come to the point I’m praying for no pain instead of a cure. I believe he’s going to Heaven and how bad is that. I will miss him terribly but I want what’s best for him.
I’ll write again after the ct scan.
God heal us all,
CharleneHi Belle,
Can I ask why she isn’t a candidate for Chemo? My husband John was told the same thing at first then he had mets to the liver and was dying.
We went to another Dr. who sent us to an oncologist.
Best thing we could of done. He is very ill from the chemo BUT the tumors are Shrinking!
We have been fighting this cancer since 2005. Don’t give up, check every treatment out there. See an oncologist and see what he says.The stents will continue to clog and become infected. John had to change his every 4-6 until they put in Titanium stents. He’s had one infection in a year and a half.
God blessings and Healing on us all,
CharleneHi,
My husband has had cc since 2005. He is on chemo and like you has extreme fatigue. It’s not only during treatment but during the times between treatments.I am absolutely amazed you are able to do anything BUT sleep. Have you had your Dr. check for anemia? Chemo destroys the red blood cells also.
Do you have anyone who can come in and give you a hand every now and again so you can just sleep? I don’t know where you live but try contacting the hospital in your area and see if they have any volunteers willing to come to your house and help out.
Also I would suggest contacting the Cancer Society in your are to find help.My prayers are with you. I hope you find help soon.
God Bless you and God heal us all,
CharleneDon’t feel embarrased!!! The exact same thing happened to us. We just so want a cure BUT a remission is almost as good.
I hope he has a long remission but don’t stop learning about this cancer. YOU have to be proactive. Always try to stay one step ahead of the Drs.
Check all treatments out there. Question the Dr. on those treatments, ask what he thinks your husband needs. If you’re not sure about something, Google it. I’ve learned more on Google than from any Dr.
All my prayers and hopes for you both.
God heal us all,
Charlene
