jmoneypenny

Dear Amy,
You’re making me cry, because I’m thinking of my mother and how I stayed in her house hugging her box of ashes (ridiculous, I know, but it was all I had of her) and had 2 birthdays since she died, and still I”m just a little child inside, crying for my mother.
Nothing can ever replace a mother, especially when you saw her and talked to her every day — yet life somehow goes on. I wonder how it DOES go on, sometimes, but I take it a day at a time, because that’s all I can do. I’ve been on antidepressants many times in my life and I think I should get back on them — and you should, too, or adjust your dosage or try something else if this one isn’t working too well. Nothing can take away the pain, but they might help it a little bit.
My mother also went from healthy to dead in less than 3 months’ time, and it’s such a shock that you just can’t accept it. I still don’t want to say it out loud – still think that maybe she’ll come back to me, though I’m not delusional and don’t REALLY believe it. It’s just a coping mechanism, and I’ll use whatever works. I also like to talk to her good friends and family members who were close to her so I can talk about her. It might make me cry, but it’s better than being around people who avoid the topic or pretend that your mother never existed, which dishonors her memory.
Someone suggested I write my mother a letter and I tried that a few times and found it therapeutic – but there’s just soooo much I want to say that it’s hard to write a letter that isn’t 50000 pages long! But it might help to work out some of your feelings – all of which are perfectly normal and natural. You just lost your best friend, the person who was with you for your ENTIRE life, supporting you with her unconditional love, so you have the right to lie in bed for a week if you want. Take care of yourself, immerse yourself in friendships or in grief – whatever works for you – and know that your mother loved you very very much and she will always be with you and within you, in some mysterious way. Or at least that’s what I’d like to believe.
All my sympathy,
Joyce M

Dear Carrieann,
My heart breaks for you at the loss of your best friend, your mother. I lost mine to this disease, also, and she was also 64. We were truly blessed to have such wonderful mothers — but that makes it all the more painful to lose them. I hope you find some peace in the tough days ahead.
Joyce M

My deepest sympathy on the loss of your dad. There are no words to console you right now, but you can come here to vent and find sympathy whenever you want – we understand.
Joyce M

Ljg,
I know a lot of what you’re feeling. I wrote a similar note to my mother on this board a while back. I realized that one of the reasons I posted it on this board (besides the fact that everyone here is so empathetic and kind) is because I felt like I needed to make a public statement, a testatment to the greatness of my mother, to MAKE people remember my mother instead of just going on with their lives and forgetting. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who remembers she ever existed and I am SO ANGRY that such a wonderful, vibrant, funny woman should be forgotten so easily.

The pain gets easier to deal with, but never goes away. She will be with you always: through her memories, her belongings, her little white cat, but of course it’s not enough. But it’s all we have left of our motheres. We were truly lucky to have amazing mothers, and that’s why it hurts so badly when they’re taken away from us so cruelly.

I hope you found some peace in communicating to your mother; someone suggested I write letters to my mother, as it has a therapeutic effect, but I think visiting this board is my therapy, instead!

I wish you peace and I offer you my sincere sympathy and empathy on the loss of the most important person in your life.
Joyce M

Wow – that is awesome! You are an amazing person, Tracey! It’s wonderful how so many people here have found ways to raise awareness of this cancer – makes me feel humble – and very proud to be part of this group.

The only “sport” my mom and I played was Scrabble – so maybe I should start a Scrabble tournament to benefit cc?
Joyce M

Dear Sarah,
I cried as I read your post, as you could have been speaking my own thoughts. 2 years, 3 months, 4 days after my mother’s death, and it still hits me like a punch in the stomach when I wake up. My mother had all the answers, like yours, and I know I am soo soooo lucky to have had her in my life, but it just isn’t enough, is it? The world is so empty now.

The only advice I can give is this: talk to people who love your mother as much as you do, cry with them, just so you know you’re not alone in your terrible grief. Nothing can make up for the loss of your best friend – but being around people who don’t understand can make it so much worse. I have a mini-shrine on my desk with pictures of my mother and some of her personal belongings, and my husband thinks it’s “unhealthy.” I don’t share my feelings with him because he has no clue – both his parents are alive and one day he will know what comfort a shrine or any remembrance can bring, even though it brings me pain, too. In short: do whatever you need to do to feel better, and don’t let anyone tell you to move on, get over it, etc. Do it in your own time, your own way. One day it won’t hurt as much — it’ll still hurt, but it won’t take your breath away and squeeze your heart like a wet dishrag.

Sorry such a long post — I really feel for you and your pain. I hope you find a way to alleviate it somehow, even for a little while.

Cyberhugs,
Joyce M

Dear Barbara,
I’m so sorry that you lost your dad – I felt like I knew him and he seemed such a wonderful man from your descriptions.
All my sympathy,
Joyce M