jmoneypenny
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Congrats on your great news! You must be so relieved – what an inspiring example you are! Now get some sleep!~
-Joyce MI, too, am crying as I read these posts – all I can say is: bless all of you, peace to all of you. You have such amazing courage in the face of terrible adversity and I wish I could just give all 3 of you a hug. I know you’re going through this alone in many ways, but there are caring people here who feel your pain and wish so much to comfort you.
Joyce MMaryanne,
Sorry to hear about Joe, but, as Jeff said, it’s so wonderful that he can still be at home and make his own choices and spend time with his family. You’re doing such a wonderful job of taking care of him – I wish you both the best in these trying times.
Joyce MThank you for the update, Stacie. Peter is an inspiring soul and I know we all look up to him and wish him well on his journey. To be at peace is the most precious and rare gift – and he’s shared some of his amazing wisdom and helped us all with his humor and tranquility. Please send him all my best wishes.
-Joyce MWay to go, Miracle Man and Phenomenon Man! All the best to both of you – inspirations to us all.
Joyce MHi –
So sorry your wife is going through this. My mother was told by a nutritionist (and I’ve seen it mentioned on this site), that’s she should try very small amounts as often as possible – the stomach can’t hold that much at this point, anyway. And yogurt was a great thing, too – and Ensure. As for anti-nausea meds, if you have a good prescription plan (they’re very expensive!), you may try getting several different ones. My mother had Zofran and 2 others I can’t remember, and she found that one would work on one particular day, then she’d have to take a different one another day – we just juggled the different medications.
Best of luck to you and your family – much hope and hugs going out to you,
Joyce M
Dear Jeff,
You really are an inspiration – I wish everyone had your spirit! Rest up and get better – we need you !
Joyce MDear Charlene,
My heart breaks for all you and John have gone through. I’m glad that both of you have found some peace, but the days ahead won’t be easy. Please know that our best wishes are with you and John and we pray for an easy passing. He is truly a strong and brave man – he’s fought like a champ!
Joyce MHi anonymiss,
Welcome – and sorry you had to come here. I just had to jump in and tell you that my mother was similar to yours – didn’t have much hope, was pessimistic and depressed. Still, I would get very annoyed when people would point out all those cheerful cancer sufferers and keep talking about having a positive attitude, because not everyone can be like that and I don’t blame them at all – didn’t blame my mother for not being chipper! It’s hard to imagine what someone is going through when they get a dire diagnosis like this — it’s pretty normal to be depressed, I’d think! Everyone deals with this differently and that’s their right.Also, my mother was a very logical realist, so she wasn’t kidding herself. That’s not to say that YOUR mother has no options, and I hope they find some way to kill your mother’s cancer for good – but she has every reason to feel angry and discouraged right now. I looked into antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds for my mom, and they helped somewhat, though a little late in the game. Your main objective is to support your mom’s wishes and foster a life that’s free of pain, both mental and physical, so maybe some antidepressants would help. If she’s averse to all the medications, look into some of the natural remedies (listed on this site under Alternative Treatments, I think) – though I don’t know if there’s any natural mood enhancers out there! Really, though, antidepressants, anti-anxiety and pain relievers are the most important tools to fight against the hopelessness, in my opinion.
I know this must be so tough on you — I tried to be the optimistic cheerleader for my mom, too, but she was too angry sometimes to appreciate it. I coped then and now by trying to put myself in her shoes, and those are shoes that no one should have to wear. I feel now that she really needed someone to talk to her forthrightly, someone to listen to her fears, and since I was her daughter, she didn’t feel like she could burden me with that – even though we were best friends. She had a hospice counselor talk to her at one point and it really lifted her spirits – so that’s another avenue you may try. They will send out clergy or social workers, even for the caregivers (and God knows the caregivers need some support, too!) Is there a clergyperson or a nonprofit psychology clinic that would have someone she could talk to?
Sorry I have the tendency to go on and on— I really feel for you and your situation – you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders and if your mother decides not to continue with any treatment, you’ll inevitably feel guilty, like you should have forced it. So I just want to say that you can’t force anyone to be any different and you should never blame yourself. You are doing a wonderful job and you are an amazing daughter, so don’t lose sight of that! Your mother loves you unconditionally, no matter how remote she may seem right now, and she appreciates all you’re doing.
I wish all the greatest outcomes for you and your mother – please keep us posted!
Joyce MHi Jan,
Sorry for your dad’s situation, but I’m glad that the hospice team is taking good care of him. It makes a world of difference – just the fact that they recognized a need for Xanax to bring his spirits up, assures me they’re really on top of things. The main thing is that he can spend his last days free of pain – both physical and mental – for his sake and yours. You’re a great daughter and don’t you forget it!!!As for people not visiting as much, I saw that as somewhat of a mixed blessing. Though it may have hurt my feelings, I think my mother was glad to not be bothered by well-meaning friends and family and acquaintances – she only wanted her very closest family by her side, for meaningful quality time. So maybe it’s better that you know who you can really count on in these tough times. The ones who stand by you and your dad are the keepers. And you get to be with him and support him now when he needs you most.
I hope the hospice team continues their great work and your father finds some peace. As everyone else said, try to take care of yourself and don’t feel guilty – you’re doing all that’s humanly possible in an extremely stressful situation.
Many cyberhugs,
Joyce MDear Sue,
I am so sorry to hear about Ray. My thoughts and heart go out to you and your family.
Joyce M
