kimcirucci

Kim, what can I say? Your quotes speak mouthfuls. I’ve lost many close loved ones and unfortunately we don’t have a choice but to continue on our journey without them. It is so very difficult however. With each loss, I have grown, become stronger and built up a strong will and determination. Now I’m fighting the battle, but this time for myself. There is nothing harder I have ever had to face. As a single mother, the thought of leaving my daughters is something I refuse to dwell on, or to ever allow to become an option. As for you, I am sure your mom never left your side and never will. I am so happy that your holiday was joyous, and I am sure your mother was smiling on all of you. Have a wonderful New Year filled with much joy, laughter & memories of your mom until you meet again.

Kim

I’ve read all of your posts & want to respond to everyone. First of all, Kristin, I totally agree with what you’ve said and yes you are a survivor since you are surviving. My story is listed under the Intro section as “My inspirational story”. Since it’s so long, I won’t reiterate. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t know if I will ever believe I am a cc survivor or even cancer-free, but to date, I have undergone ex vivo resection with a lot of reconstruction. This is a very rare type of surgery. I believe my surgery was the 6th one performed by my miracle worker surgeon, Dr. Kato. Although I was told in July following my surgery that I was cancer-free, I will forever be looking over my shoulder. As a matter of fact, I have a CT Scan scheduled for 12/28 & I must admit that I am a bit nervous to know of the results. I just keep positive & won’t allow my mind to drift onto negative thoughts. I have fought quite a few battles during the past year & I’m certainly not about to stop now. Regardless of what this next CT Scan shows, I will face it with my eyes wide open & fight with all of my might as I always do. It truly saddens me when I hear of people who begin to “give up”. I know all too well what it feels like to not be able to get out of bed, or to feel like you’re not going to make it, but through it all, I never allowed giving up to be an option. If anything, the more I was told that I was inoperable, the madder I got & the more I found the strength to fight even harder. As I mentioned, I will know in about another week if my CT Scan is still clear, but all I can say is I am alive today & feeling very well. I was able to Christmas shop for my children, partake in Christmas festivities, eat like a pig, and hug my daughters on Christmas morning. My current oncologist said that I should not be alive right now and that he believes someone took me by the hand. I truly believe that as well. He never even heard of the type of surgery I had, but he said he is certainly going to tell other doctors about it. During my recuperation period from my extensive surgery (5 months ago), I have even designed a pendant/bracelet for cancer patients. It is currently being made in China. I should have the finished product in a few weeks. The purpose of my pendant is to provide cancer patients with a sense of empowerment. Although we don’t have much control over this nasty disease, we do have control over our ability to fight. If anyone is interested in seeing my design, I would love to share it with you. To anyone who feels as though they want to give up, I would like to leave you with the words of one of my favorite quotes by Jack Dempsey which states: “A Champion is Someone Who Gets up Even When He Can’t”. Please never give up. Get up & keep on fighting!! This disease can be conquered, but you must fight to win. Best wishes & God bless to all!!

Hi Julie, I can definitely relate to your situation. I also have two children, ages 15 & 12, and the thought of ever leaving them is something I choose not to think about. I just tell myself that it is not an option in my world and I’m sticking to it. I am glad to hear of your “stable” news. We would love to hear that the tumors have gotten smaller or, better yet, have disappeared, but stable is something positive. Don’t ever give up on total disappearance. It may sound cliche, but miracles do happen. I’m told that I’m a miracle, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel confident enough to believe I am cancer-free. I had very extensive surgery to remove my tumor, 3/4 of my liver & much reconstruction, but due to the recurrent nature of this disease, I’ll always be looking over my shoulder. I have a scheduled CT Scan on 12/28 and I’m a little nervous to see what it shows, but I just let my mind stay strong & guide me. Continue to stay positive & fight with every ounce of power you have. Don’t let fear & negativity cloud your focus. If you believe that you can conquer this, then it can be done. I hope your treatment begins to shrink your tumors, or that a new treatment comes your way that brings you closer to becoming cancer-free. You are in my prayers. Please stay strong. Wishing you much health, happiness, sunshine & laughter in the New Year.

Kim

Great to hear that things are moving right along. I agree, the tests should also be forwarded. My doctor won’t even read reports. He wants to see the actually films at all times. Maybe they can make arrangements to have that done. You really have to be persistent with these facilities. Well at least the ball is rolling. I will be anxiously awaiting your news. Keep the chin up my friend. Once again, have a wonderful holiday Mr. J.

Kim

Hi Lily. I don’t think a decrease in appetite is a side-effect of steroids. To the contrary, one of their purposes is to stimulate your appetite. Also, they tend to make you gain weight. They also cause mood changes, which can make some people a bit nasty. Therefore, I would not attribute your MIL’s weight loss & loss of appetite to the steroids. Perhaps the chemo is causing her loss of appetite. The shortness of breath could be due to a number of things, but one reason could be anemia. Do you know what her hemoglobin level is? Anemia could cause shortness of breath, as well as exhaustion. The chemo can also make you feel very tired. If she is not eating much, that could explain her weight loss, but once again, that could be from a number of reasons. Cancer itself causes weight loss as the cancer does steal nutrition from the body, which is why weight loss is one of the major indicators of having cancer. Are the doctors aware of your MIL’s symptoms? The weight loss is concerning. I’m not an expert, but I would mention this to the doctors. I hope this info is somewhat helpful. Please keep us posted. You & your family are in my prayers Lily.

Hi Shari. I must say, keep that attitude. It truly helps. I’ve always had an upbeat attitude & tried to laugh as much as I could through many adversities. I was also on the same chemo as you. The only side-effect I had was fevers. I didn’t really have any hair thinning until the end of my treatment, which I believe was when I approached the 4th month. I didn’t even take the anti-nausea meds. They made me feel sicker. I never had any nausea or vomitting. They said it was a harsh type of chemo, but other than a few days with fever & exhaustion, I would bounce right back. I wish you luck with it. I certainly don’t want to make you lose your focus, but the regimen didn’t work for me. Luckily I found a surgeon who removed my tumor when no one else would, so I feel blessed. I’ve been told that I’m a miracle. I’ll believe that when all of my scans come back normal. I don’t think I’ll ever feel completely cancer-free even if they say I am. I don’t think the feeling ever leaves you. However, I know I’m alive today & not many believed I would be, so here’s to miracles. May you be one of those miracles too, along with everyone else on this site. Keep up the great work. I know you will receive good news! Just keep fighting all the way!! My prayers are with you. Keep us posted.

Hi Peony, I believe we have “spoken” before, so I apologize if I say anything that seems redundant. Your husband’s case hits home for me, as I too was on the exact treatment. Your husband is also the same age as I am. Unfortunately, Gemzar & Cisplatin did not work for me, as I believe I explained to you previously. I was wondering if you have attempted to contact Dr. Kato in NY. He will review your husband’s scans without having to meet him. If he feels he can perform his magic, he will ask you to come to his office. I can certainly relate to your husband’s frustration, fear, disgust, depression, etc. I also went from being a healthy woman attending nursing school, taking care of patients one day to lying in a hospital bed, now as a patient, the next. This disease will carry many emotions, but giving up should not be an option. The unfortunate reality is that this disease is a very difficult one to cure, but it is not impossible. As long as the possibility exists, you must never give up until you find it. If I can help you in any way, please let me know. My prayers are coming your way. This disease can be conquered, so together with all of us on here, let’s fight with every ounce of power we have. I’m not ready to give up & I sure hope your husband isn’t either. Good luck & please keep us posted. Hugs!!!!

Kim

P.S. If you would ever like to talk, please email me at kcirucci@msn.com & I will give you my phone #. Sometimes you can’t explain things in writing as you could via phone.