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Dear Mr J – People really don’t know how to meet your needs and they get so caught up in their lives. They probably do care but don’t want to intrude. I agree with Lainy – invite a few over for a limited time and share your thoughts with them. Let them know what you feel up to. About diet – of course eating what you can tolerate is good, try to get enough protein, even if it is through protein drinks. Costco sells a good one in chocolate or vanilla. Post often, there are a lot of good suggestions on this site. Blessings, Susan
I guess we should be thankful – if Randy has had any bouts with cholangitis we are not really aware. He does run a fever from time to time but it seems to pass.
Dear Mr J – While it is discouraging to hear that the cancer has spread, maybe it is an opportunity to find a new treatment that will be effective. Our best thoughts and our earnest prayers are with you. May the holidays bring unexpected blessings. Susan
Bob – So very happy for your good news. Sometimes we just need a reminder of how good God is. I’m glad you were reminded at this very special season. Blessings, Susan
Congratulations on near completion of cycle 2. My husband felt good on chemo. After a fulfilling and busy holiday season, perhaps you are ready for a little extra rest and some time to do things that matter to you. Enjoy some quiet days and re-energize. Blessings, Susan
Dear Sistercorb – These are difficult days and hard to see changes in our loved ones, but you are honoring his wishes and he can’t ask for more than that. Let’s pray that while things do not look good right now, we have seen that pendulum swing back and forth. Give him lots of hugs and let him know that he and your family are in our prayers. Blessings, Susan
Jamie said it best when she said that your mom knows she is loved and that is the greatest gift. I have no suggestions but trust that you will make the best decision. Blessings, Susan
Dear Peony – You have joined a new family, the CC family, and we will be here to listen, care, share, and walk with you through this difficult process. We all have our ups and downs and we share them here where people REALLY understand what we are going through. Welcome, post often and share with people who care. Blessings, Susan
I’m not sure about progression, but my husband has also developed fluid, called ascites. Sometimes it is worse than others. He takes a diuretic and we use natural diuretics such as lemon water. His abdomen was not very swollen 4 days last week and then one day…abdomen very, very swollen.
John – I cannot add anything to what Marion had said, but wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and hoping you find the right mix for calories, nutrition vs. sugar content. Blessings, Susan
Dear Michael – You are doing the best you can and that’s “good enough.” Good enough is just that – good enough. Grief seems to have a life of its own sometimes. One of my professors helped me through a period of grief by saying that when the grief comes crashing over, imagine that my loved one is coming for a visit. If she showed up at my front door (unannounced), how would I react. Of course, I would invite her in and we would visit for a spell. Once I started viewing my grief episodes as a visit from my loved one, they became so much more manageable. I didn’t get so concerned about when they came or where or how, but that it was a time for a visit. I don’t know if this helps you, but it helped me a lot.
It is also ok to take control of our emotions (the best we can) and not let them take control of us. Have you been journaling? Getting the emotions out of our bodies is a good thing. If you are able to journal or work out or walk, these are all good ways of moving the emotions from inside to outside.
Hold your loved ones memories close, stay in counseling, look for ways to relax (deep breathing with your eyes closed is good) and don’t fear what the future holds (you can’t change it anyway.)
Blessings to you and best wishes in your new relationship. Susan
P.S. Oh yes, I forgot – count your blessings – it really makes a difference and can reduce anxiety. Remember anxiety is a lot about worrying about the future and what “might” happen. Counting blessings moves our focus even for a little while.
Dear Tommy – A lot of hospice care is absolutely wonderful and many have benefitted so much. Lainy had a horrible experience and we all feel badly about that, but Lainy stays on top of things and you will too. In many cases, hospice comes into your home to provide care. In other cases, your loved one stays in their facility. There are many ways to manage hospice. Lainy did it at home for quite awhile. I should let her speak for herself. In any event, you can stop hospice any time if you are not getting the proper care. Tommy, thank you for sharing how you feel. It is so hard and yet, during this battle, we need to let those feelings out and as you have found, on this site, we really can share truthfully about how we are doing, what we are afraid of, what is working, etc. Hang in there and you will make the right decisions along with your wife. While you are doing that, we will be here. Perhaps if the doctor said different options, maybe there is something besides the gemzar or hospice. Let’s hope for that. Blessings, Susan
I realized today that although my husband had “some” relief with diuretics in the first 2 days, it has taken about a week for him to have significant relief. Who knew? He is feeling so much better. He has gone from being in bed most of the time with a good day one every week or so to having 4 really good days in a row. We are enjoying every moment. He is feeling better – he still gets weak and vomits often, but we are really rejoicing with our good days. Blessings, Susan
