jclegg

Hi Janet,
You really HAVE “been through the mill” – I am glad things are settling down with your son. It must be very difficult – dealing with all this. It is one of the most difficult aspects of our situation now, I feel – our “aloneness”. Even though I have a wonderful , supportive family (my Grandchildren are here with me this weekend, as a matter of fact), and great friends, I still fell the “aloneness”. I am sure that you (all of you who have lost a loved one) do also. I do hope that your other son is supportive of you, and that you can all 3 hold each other up, along with God’s Grace.

Joyce C.

Yes – we ALL hate anniversaries – they are very difficult. I get a little depressed every month around the 9th, and I can’t seem to get past that date. And the year ago thing – it happened for me too this last week – I guess it is the same for all of us, and we will have to commiserate with each other, and band together to fight the depression that alwaysdescends, won’t we?

Joyce C

Dear Barbara,
Talk about messing up at work! I have been at my job 31 years – it involves software applications for a long term care facility – we own a number of them (Facilities) around Ny and Pa. Well – good thing I have been there that long, I will tell you. They held my job for me (and paid me to be out) last year while Butch was ill, and I have been back awhile now, however, I have the attention span of a gnat, and my concentration is – not so great. I am a shadow of my former self, but – I forgive myself – I know that after what we all go through, we can’t escape with full mental capabilities intact! I consider myself lucky to be running on one engine! So – you are not alone, and – you are in the midst of it right now, so – God bless you.

Joyce C.

PS – glad your Son got that cell phone!

Hello everyone,
Today IS a sad day for me – it started about 2 days ago – I felt the depression coming on, slowly, and I have had a hard time fighting it off. I did have a dream about Butch – I think it was Thursday night – that IS very rare, and I know what you mean , Pauline, it was a “normal” dream, and we were together someplace, and I felt “normal” – which in the past did mean happy. When I woke up and realized that it was a dream, I was very sad, BUT , at least for that time he was with me , and I felt good.

I do try to act like I always did around the kids, and I am always surprised when my daughter says things like “I find it so difficult to see you like this, Mom – sad all the time”. I think I am doing a good job hiding it, but I guess I am not. It IS sort of like we are just shells of the former people we were, and I don’t think anything can change that – at least not at present. I have been thinking a lot more about Butch the last few days, and remembering all the good times we had – and, there were so many.

Well, enough grumbling. I hope you are all well, and coping with life .

I was just talking to Darla about one year ago – on the 6th, when Butch had his pulmonary embolism (blood clot in his leg travelled to his lungs), and the 7th, when I was told the biopsy was positive and that he had CC (I didn’t even know what the heck that was), and he was in ICU from the blood clot – and, it all began then. Unbelievable – all that happened in a year, and he has been gone from me for 5 months!

Love to you all,

Joyce

Heather,
I know what you mean – I check this site a lot, too. It is sometimes hard to know what to say, but we do so desparately want to help other people in the same situation as we have been. I think it has helped me to try and help others, but I sometimes wonder if I need to stop visiting it so much, and get on with my life.
Charlene is right – it does continue to get better – the grief is easier to bear, or – we learn how to bear up. It’s not good, by any means, but bearabler most of the time. Coming up Monday is 5 months. and I am already a bit depressed. How can we help it. I, also, went through an 8 week support group, which was very beneficial, and I subscribe to a free service called “A season of Grief” , a faith-based service which sends you an e-mail a day for 100 days – it is very good. The address is http://www.griefshare.org:80/, if you are interested – take a look.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is so nice to know that we are not alone – we all have each other, and, we have prople to talk to who can understand exactly what we are going through.

God’s Blessings,

Joyce

What a wonderful. expressive poem. In my grief management class, we wrote letters to our loved ones (in my case my Husband), and I did find it helped, but your poem has all the elements of thoughts I have wanted to express to him at one time or another over the last months.

Well done, and God’s peace to you,
Joyce

Dear Barbara,
I know how bad you feel about your relationship with your son right now, but try not to feel too bad. I am sure that you are a great Mom, and that your Son knows how much you love him. The problem is, we only have so much emotional strength, and yours is all focused on your Dad and his situation right now, there just isn’t anything left over. I know how hard it was for me to fous on ANYTHING besides my Husband’s illness, and I didn’t have a child to think about, at home with me. When you are feeling stronger, emotionally, talk to your son and try to explain a bit – tell him that you love him so much, but that , right now, you are so worried about Grandpa, and busy trying to spend time with him, and that makes you short-tempered, and sad. Do try to take some time for normal life activities, even if it is just going for ice cream with your son, to celebrate his birthday. I found, when Butch was sick, that a few minutes of “normal” time helped me to bear up under the stress. No matter that whenever I was away from him, I felt guilty, and worried about him, it still helped, I think. I found that this illness is almost all-consuming, and , Darla is right – if you also just take some time just for you, it will help you, in the long run, be a better daughter AND Mother.

Big cyber-hugs to you,

Joyce