jclegg

Janet,
I know – people don’t know what is on the inside – what we are REALLY thinking, and how we are really feeling, do they? We have talked about this before amongst ourselves – I even stopped saying “I’m doing pretty good” to people when they asked – I said – “well , I have good days, and bad – this is difficult” or – something like that, because it drove me crazy that everyone thought I was fine, and I WASN’T fine!
It also seems like there was more to cope with than we could possibly handle, but – we have – one task at a time. Maybe one of your children could mow for you? Where ARE you located? It is not mowing time here yet in NYS – we fought the battle of the snow removal all winter – poor Darla gets the prize – the most snow to remove. So many electronic and mechanical things went wrong, it was kind of funny, in an awful way!
You can do it though. I am so sorry about your sister’s diagnosis, and know that this is so difficult for you to cope with. I will be thinking of you.

Joyce C

Kris,
This treatment plan sounds very well thought out. I agree that surgery sometimes makes tumors take off – it certainly did in Butch’s case, and it is so important that you remain strong to be able to fight this beast. I am so glad that you are feeling well – they are right – you go, girl!

Joyce C.

Hi Janet,
I know what you mean. At the beginning, when Butch first passed, I was, for the most part only able to visit the grief section – actually only the posting that Sue, Darla Pauliune, and I still write on (Anthony). Everything else was just too much for me, and I WAS worried I would be a “downer” to other people. As time has passed, however, I like to check on the others here, and I rejoice at their good news, and, yes, feel sorrow at the bad news. I find it helpful, though, and it seems to help me with my healing process. I imagine that – in the future – you will also. Please join us on our “thread” – we would love to spend time with you.

Love – Joyce C

Marion – absoutely, CC is the reason I will be receiving the benefits – Butch was drafted in the early 60,s, even though he had ulcerative colitis. he served 7 months in Vietnam, became ill – near death, as a matter of fact – from the ulcerative colitis, then spent a year in two different army hospitals – 1st in the Phillipines, later on at Letterman in San Francisco. After that, they gave him an honorble discharge, and he received 30 % dbl benefits for the remainder of his life. I have medical records from 3 major hospitals which give the diagnosis last year as 1)ulcerative colitus, 2 – shlerosing cholingitus (darn – I can never spell that!), and 3) cholangiocarcinoma. Since the link went straight back to the colitis, which they were still paying for at the time of his passing, and his death certificate said cholangiocarcinoma – they acknowledge that his death was service related. Unfortunately, they don’t mention the parasites in the water supply, which I also feel is partly responsible, and I wanted that for other veterans to be able to refer to, however, I am very happy that I am to receive benefits, as you can imagine.

Joyce

Oh Pauline, I am so sorry that you banged yourself up. I hope you are feeling better today, and can only imagine how that must have made you feel – missing Anthony, in pain – not a gogod situation. I am glad you are amongst kind, helpful people though – that helps so much, I know.

Yesterday I order the stone for the cemetary. They will put it in in early May, they said – they have to wait for proper ground conditions. I was dreading ordering it, and glad it is done. I have been visiting the site, but there is only a little flag there – I need a proper marker to feel like i have done my job correctly!

We went through a warm spell – the “January thaw”, and winter has returned. Not for much longer, I hope. Today is my daughter’s 35th birthday – we are all going out to eat later on today.

I did have some very good news this week. My application for survivir benefits was reviewed and accepted by the veteran’s administration. They acknowledged that Butch’s death was service connected (from his service in Vietnam), and I will receive that benefit for the remainder of my life. It is very welcome news, as you can imagine. I will be receiving a retroactive check, as the benefits begin from the time of his passing. Now we just have to hope that the same thing hapens to Darla’s application.

Work has been better – I have cut back a bit, and that has helped me. I am working on a very interesting problem at the moment, and I like that.

Eveyone, take care – Spring is on the way.

Joyce

Dear Patsy,
I know exactly how you feel – that is exactly what I went through. Many times, I never figured out what triggered the grief. It does get better, though, I can assure you, It has been 4 1/2 months since my husband passed and I am still sad – I think I always will be, but the pain isn’t as agonizingly bad as it was early on. I am enjoying my Grandchildren again, and enjoy my work (well – sort of!), and I still think of him very, very often, but now I can think of the good times, and the happy years more often, and not those terrible last few weeks. Thse terrible images kept popping up in my mind in the early weeks following his passing, and those memories were not good. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Here is one more poem —

Interregnum

The span between life and death
Can be as quick and sudden
As a puff of wind
That blows out a candle.
But the candle doesn’t suffer
After the darkness comes
It is the person
Left in the dark room
Who gropes and stumbles.

Helen Duke Fike

I will be thinking of you,

Joyce C.

Dear Stephanie,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how that feels, and how hard it is to work through the grief, but I also know that I was glad my husband was at peace, done with that horrible disease, and that helped me to cope. Some day I hope we will hear there is a cure for this monster. Until then, God bless you.

Joyce C.