teresa

Hya deeko may your dad rest in peace. Agree with jeff my hubbie is an older man of the generation not able to show too much emotion. But they do still have it inside.
He knew I’M SURE THAT YOU LOVED HIM, and he loved you. In time you will appreciate that you were there at the right time for him. We all have some regrets.
Someone a long time ago said to me “whatever we do it is never enough”.
I realise now this is how we feel not the person who has been taken from us.
look after your mom these are precious memories that last for ever love and light xxxxx

Hya JeffG
I have to confess I read your poem not long after you posted it. I was lost for words.
It was time for bed and sleep but of course I did’nt. The tears flowed.
Prior to your post I had been to Alans place and fallen asleep on his couch, it was so peacefull. This has been the right time, how did you know.?

I had not realised the impact my writing had on the other people on this site. I do hope it is not too maudling but I do feel just as cc affects everyone so different perhaps the grieving process is like that too and we can all learn something from this.

I have been thinking of late what happened to us as a family at the time of Alans death.
I can only visualise it as if a whirlwind whipped up, ripped through our lives and suddenly evaporated as quickly as it came. I personally feel as if a knife has cut me into two halves.
I cannot write in other areas about such things as pain, itching, treatments etc as Alan had non of these. It was only in the beginning that he had such awful pain in his gall bladder area. His jaundice did not come out until very late, after a lot of milk thistle. It was just that his food would not assimilate. He was so very hungry and did eat but had to thump his middle and it would just come straight back up.

I am so thankful now that it did not last too long as I often write of how active he was. I feel in this respect maybe God was looking after both Alan and myself.
I am truly grateful my friend for reminding me of this. I know that one day I will be happy knowing my son had a marvellous life and lived it to the full. He has left me albums full of his life, his childhood, his activities, his travels and most of all how happy he was whilst with all of his many different friends.

love and light to you all for ever teresa xxxxxxxxxxx

Lynne I feel so much of your sadness. Yes, we do get blinded by cc don’t we.
I too found this site after losing my son Alan in 8 weeks. (30/04/06) Yet another tall, slim and handsome strong athletic son. One who did motorcross, kickboxing, wall climbing, mountaineering and deep sea diving. Never drank alcohol, eat healthily and went to the gym. Alan had only ever had chicken pox and the mumps, plus a few stitches taken out in his whole life. I for one had never heard of cc and neither had any of my family or friends. I too feel that he did not get the attention of the doctors because of his youth and vigour and did not look unhealthy or have any bad habits.
My heart goes out to you. Shaun sounds as if he was a wonderful son.
love and light teresa

Hya LD, Joyce, Ted and Patty.
I feel so much for you all. I too as Alans mom felt and had to go through all of the frustrations with the medical profession here in the U.K. It was hopeless.
Alan needed two attempts to put a stent in and after only about a week it started to get infected. The line for the chemo that was going to be used had not even got to the stage of being implemented.
As with most of the others on this site Alan lost so much weight so quickly.
I feel, with hindsight that Alan knew he would not survive even with any treatments and he certainly made the most of his short time.
So much so that he booked tickets for himself and two friends to go to the motorbike racing in spain to watch his beloved Rossi ride his bike. He had to fly to portugal and then drive into spain. I begged him not to drive and he said his friends would look after him.
After he passed away I found out that he had driven from portugal into spain whilst the other two slept. He looked so gaunt when he came home but looked good for being in the sunshime. I feel so proud of him as he did this knowing that he would die when he came back and also that he could not eat anything at all and barely drink even a small amount of water. This was so important for Alan himself and he said when he came home, mom they think I have broken my leg and it will get better.
Other people havn’t got a clue what it is like.
I myself think sometimes we need to listen to the other person and try to let them make their own decisions.We all try so hard to make everything right, yet feel so helpless. Many others on here are doing so well, and all are trying many different ways of dealing with this awful thing. I do hope you all will find something to help now and in the future. We are all here to help anytime love and light alan’s mom

Kate what a marvellous idea.
I have read of your moms journey and looked at your video.
WHAT A FANTASTIC WOMAN.
I too had a house in a village not too long ago in cyprus and it was great.
Alan had a holiday there once with his partner and also loved it.
Isn’t it great that we are left with these lovely memories that we can cling to and re-visit whenever we feel the need, and of course we sure do.
love and light alan’s mom and dad

AK As Jeff has commented the bottom line is surgery, Alan had a bag on to drain the bile for one weekend only and the following week had 2 attempts to put a stent in. The second attempt was a success. This was done at the QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL in Birmingham. (liver ward)
He was able to eat soft food and lots of drinks for a while.
love and light teresa

Hya all I hope all of those who are feeling sick and poorly at this time gain some strength , peace and tranquility.
For those bereaved I hope they too gain strength as time goes by, peace and tranquility.
For as Mary ellen and those of us keep writng every case of CC is so very different. Always get second even third opinions.
Whilst there is hope, as many on this site are proving life is for living and will enable our children, grandchldren and future generations to find a cure one day for this awful illness. peace and love to you all.

Hya Serena I wish you peace and love for the future.
it is a difficult time and I feel we all do what we can with what we have at that moment in time. We all do our very best in this terrible situation. The pain we feel is so intense that it feels as if we would break in half.
This forum has helped me so much and continues to do so because I feel I can share my experiences with others who are are or have been in the same situation.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family love and light teresa