willow

Nicole passed away last night while we were all sleeping. Sometime around 4am we guess. She looks beautifully peaceful.
Out w my nephew and older sis. My nephew is very sad but we know he has huge support and will be ok.
Love Sara

Thank you Cathy, Lainey and Pam.
Pam, I’ve thought of your intense ordeal in the last days with Lauren often. It was very different from hospice in that everything under the sun was tried to keep her with us here in the earthly realm. Hope you are doing ok and at peace in your heart.

Thank you, Julie, Marion, Lainey, Darla and Catherine. It’s 3:44am and she is still with us….sleeping soundly though snoring …Cheney-stokes. Hospice nurse came late last night when I was out for a late dinner as my brother in law panicked a bit. My sis and I had given the methadone (long acting pain med) and morphine (short acting breakthrough med) too close together and she started shaking and breathing super fast/noisy. My two bro in laws and nephew were scared so called the hospice out. By the time the nurse came, Nicole was resting comfortably again so she just reassured us and said to give haldol every 4 hours or as needed (new med to replace lorazepam). Feel bad having given too much too close together. I feel like there are similarities to our Dads passing last year but he was in assisted living so I had a lot more help with the admin of meds, changing sheets/clothes etc. still took daily management but it was as if I had a team helping. Now we are a small team with a young kid watching and helping too with little things. He is so good about showing his affection to his Mom, though due to her frailty, mainly can only kiss her hand or head. He also gives frequent big cheerful hugs to all of us throughout the day and then goes about his business.
When the pain meds wear off, Nicole has a few brief moments of wakefulness but can’t speak. We jump on the opportunity to tell her we love her, wash her with the moist wipes, clean her mouth with the sponge sticks etc. She seems comforted but soon tired. We also read cards to her that people have sent.
It’s heavy on my heart that my sister and bro in law made it clear early on they don’t want a lot of visitors, tears or “drama” during this stage, so two of my sisters are essentially not “allowed” to come much at all. They are naturally sad. Our brother is back in NYC and can’t come again till the memorial. He flew out a couple of times this year for extended visits to spend time with the family and recently drove his motorcycle across the country, visited briefly but had to get back to work.
Well, I’d better try to sleep some more. Take care and thanks for your support.